Anxiety is better but Im getting depressed.. Help

Postby george5030 » Tue Oct 14, 2014 1:09 am

Hey guys, as some of you may know, Im almost 16 months off from weed and its been a HELL of a ride for me. You can read my previous posts and notice how many struggles Ive had over this time. As from anxiety, Ive been feeling much much better lately.. I mean, I still have it of course but on my good days I even forget about and it and feel totally normal. Of course, some days are worst than others and my anxiety raises up a little bit but not even to a point of panicking about it.

Lately, Ive been struggling with many other issues in my life that are demotivating me a lot. I moved for college to Montreal almost 5 months ago and this was supposed to be the greatest experience of my life. This is a beautiful city and I dont regret coming here at all. I love the culture and the city itself. Im still waiting to experience the winter which is supposed to be awful but I guess Ill survive that. But lately, Ive been feeling really dissapointed with many aspects of my life. I just recently lost my job around a month ago and Im struggling a lot with financial resources. My parents are paying for my tuition and they help me when they can but everything else is on me. The restaurant where I was working went out of business and they couldnt afford me anymore. I lost my job and Ive been looking for a job for a month now and its been almost impossible to get a new job. Mainly because of my school schedule and because I dont speak french. Two weeks ago, my backpack which had my macbook pro, my passport and my college stuff was stolen on the bus while I was helping my mom to get her baggage. Im 20 years old, Im a virgin and never had a girlfriend before. I got involved in a relationship for a couple of months but it was a waste of time. Ive beeb trying to find somebody in life and it seems that girls simply dont like me. I feel very rejected. There's this girl that Im sure she likes me but its been 5 years and she has always treated me very weird. Like she shows interest and she flirts with me but at the time of stepping forward in our relationship she rejects me. Then we stop talking for months and she talks to me again. Its been like that for 5 years and now she did the same thing. She says now shes different and she even came to Quebec for 2 months to learn french as an excuse to see me. Im not a bad looking guy, I guess girls just dont find me good enough or boring, who knows. The point is that Ive been feeling really bad because Im doing my best to make things happen and life just seems to be against me for some reason. Im still looking for a job, a girlfiend and well being for my family who are all also struggling with financial issues. Please, help me guys because Im trying everything I can and things just seem to get worse without any reason.
george5030
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#1

Postby johnrlivingston » Tue Oct 14, 2014 3:49 pm

Welcome to the wonderful world of interpersonal relationships and normal life stressors.

We're all going to have to make up for lost time learning the social skills we put on the back burner during our drug use. Learning to deal with disappointment in ways that don't involve numbing ourselves. It's going to take time.

I know at your age the main thing on your mind is women, but that obsessive focus is likely the very thing causing your anxiety. This girl who keeps shucking you off - you're right - she's not really interested in you. So stop wasting your time with her. She is not 'girls'. She's ONE girl. As for the other girls who may have led to disappointment in your life... they're 'one girl' as well. They don't represent all of woman-kind. Remember that. There ARE women who would be very interested in you. I guarantee it. You're just not putting yourself in the position to meet the right ones.

LIve your life and stay true to your passions. That's the only way you're going to meet women worthy of you - women who will appreciate who you are. You do that & you won't have to go looking for them - they'll be attracted to you. Personally - I spent alot of time in my youth trying to be a different person - a person I thought 'girls' wanted. Now that I'm older, I wish I had just been myself. I realize now that there were plenty of hot, caring, good-natured girls who felt exactly like I did.

They're out there, George. Stop trying so hard. Just be yourself, and involve yourself in activities that offer the opportunity to share your life passion with members of the opposite sex who enjoy the same. As for Miss 5-year-no-talkie... every time you let her use you as an emotional tampon you give up a peice of yourself. Don't let her treat you like that. You don't deserve it. Just end it and move forward. The confidence you get from standing up for yourself will serve you well in upcoming relationships.
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#2

Postby george5030 » Tue Oct 14, 2014 9:43 pm

johnrlivingston wrote:Welcome to the wonderful world of interpersonal relationships and normal life stressors.

We're all going to have to make up for lost time learning the social skills we put on the back burner during our drug use. Learning to deal with disappointment in ways that don't involve numbing ourselves. It's going to take time.

I know at your age the main thing on your mind is women, but that obsessive focus is likely the very thing causing your anxiety. This girl who keeps shucking you off - you're right - she's not really interested in you. So stop wasting your time with her. She is not 'girls'. She's ONE girl. As for the other girls who may have led to disappointment in your life... they're 'one girl' as well. They don't represent all of woman-kind. Remember that. There ARE women who would be very interested in you. I guarantee it. You're just not putting yourself in the position to meet the right ones.

LIve your life and stay true to your passions. That's the only way you're going to meet women worthy of you - women who will appreciate who you are. You do that & you won't have to go looking for them - they'll be attracted to you. Personally - I spent alot of time in my youth trying to be a different person - a person I thought 'girls' wanted. Now that I'm older, I wish I had just been myself. I realize now that there were plenty of hot, caring, good-natured girls who felt exactly like I did.

They're out there, George. Stop trying so hard. Just be yourself, and involve yourself in activities that offer the opportunity to share your life passion with members of the opposite sex who enjoy the same. As for Miss 5-year-no-talkie... every time you let her use you as an emotional tampon you give up a peice of yourself. Don't let her treat you like that. You don't deserve it. Just end it and move forward. The confidence you get from standing up for yourself will serve you well in upcoming relationships.


Wow, I can't say much more than thank you. Very wise words, I appreciate it. You're right on every aspect. I'm a musician and that's why I came to Montreal. I just got into a band as a drummer and I'm studying audio engineering. I guess sometimes I feel very stressed for the fact that I'm new to this city and obviously it's almost impossible to build up a big network of friends within 5 months. I know eventually, unexpectedly, I will meet the right girl. And the thing about being myself and not trying to be what "girls want", you're 110% right because that's what I've been exactly doing. Thank you.
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#3

Postby johnrlivingston » Tue Oct 14, 2014 11:20 pm

Cool George! Even a blind squirrel like me finds a nut every now & then :)
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