(WoT) Irresistable urge to hurt my cat

Postby darkaris7 » Fri Oct 24, 2014 2:17 pm

Hello forum (wall of text, tl;dr at the bottom),

Quick info about me: your casual 20 y/o male college student from Greece with ADHD who is more unsocial than his own well being. ( Also english is not my native language so excuse any mistakes )

I'm writing this post cause I think I have a problem and I have no solution to it but to ask for help. A little over 2 months ago my parents and I decided to rent an apartment for me close to my school (it took me around 3 hours using public transit to get there). On our second visit to the house, after having already done the proper paperwork with the owner, my mother and I were bringing supplies (food, a laptop, clothes etc.).
Note: the apartment is a little over 1 metre above the ground so my balcony is really not that tall.
We left the window open to have fresh air while we did our stuff when suddenly a pure albino cat enters through the window walking slowly and pridefuly across the room. Me and my mother were taken aback by such delightful ignorance of a creature walking into unknown territory without a hint of fear or doubt. I immediately motioned it towards me, it gladly approached me and I started petting it, even lifting it onto my lap. We tried asking around neighbors if anyone knows whose this cat is but noone claimed it his.

Long story short: My mother tried to object, she failed and here I am with my new pet!

I soon found out that there was one more cat wandering around the block with no place to call home so I took that one in as well. This one was a mix of black and white but just as cute.
All was well and I discovered a bit about the personality of the 2 cats: the white one was playful, was not afraid to jump anywhere she could to find food and was rather aggressive when it came to her hunger being unsatisfied. The partly-black one was a really scared cat, propably got abused by its previous owner or kicked around by children or something similarly awful.
Fast forward a month or so, I'm enjoying the undergraduate life when I decide to get some cookies to eat. I pop open the cookie jar (shut up) and i go sit on my bed to watch some american dad on my laptop when the white cat eagerly jumps on the bed wanting a treat. I refused to give her one, so I just kept eating them and watchin the cartoon when she suddenly snatched claws first on my hand and bit it so hard I actually squealed in response. I acted instinctively, grabbed her by the throat and threw her across the room on the couch. She quickly regained her composure and rushed behind the wardrobe out of fear. I then was overwhelmed by this strange urge to get up, grab her and make her suffer. Not kill her, I just felt like causing her immense pain and watching her reaction. Fortunately I dismissed the urge and picked her up to check if she was hurt, Thankfully she was ok, just shocked.
However, after this particular event, I have been feeling an increasingly overwhelming urge to cause that cat pain. Note that I dont feel anything towards the black one or any other animal small or big, just the white one. Once when I was eating, it jumped onto the table trying to force itself into my plate. I quickly grabbed it and was unsure how to respond. A normal person would have removed it from the room to eat safely but I felt like my sanity went out the window for a couple of moments. Instead, I put her in my wardrobe and closed the doors, putting a heavy bag on the handle so she cant force it open.
(Please please please note that literary SUFFER while typing this,if I was the one reading what I just said I would immediately consider them a psychopath, which I sincerely I hope im not.)
So I continued my meal while she was meowing for help and I felt such content listening to her desperate cries, but it makes me SICK just thinking about it.

Several less severe incidents happened, including one time I threw the cat out on the balcony while it was heavy raining and just watched it claw at the glass to get in while crying made me feel such.... satisfaction.

Please also note that i absolutely love both her and the black, shy one, but when the white one does stuff like jump on the kitchen table, bite my hand if im eating something, pee and poop in my bathtub,claw at the black one when they are trying to eat from the same bowl my common sense is thrown out the window and I just want to cause it harm and watch its helpless face suffer.

TL;DR rented apartment, adopt 2 stray cats, one of them is the happiest cat you have ever seen, but when it hurts me or does stuff like poo in my bathtub i want to hurt it

Any kind of help or feedback is hugely appreciated. Im so ashamed of this side of me that I havent even told my psychologist.
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#1

Postby Beloved » Fri Oct 24, 2014 3:44 pm

You think the cat is getting attention or caring that could be going to you, as if the supply of attention or caring is finite (and maybe it is!)?
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#2

Postby darkaris7 » Fri Oct 24, 2014 3:49 pm

Not like that, i feel as if the cat is trying to act superior to me and it somehow frustrates me to the point of getting violent but i dont know where that feeling stems from
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#3

Postby JuliusFawcett » Fri Oct 24, 2014 5:59 pm

are you willing to change?

are you willing to learn how to be completely satisfied with this moment?
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#4

Postby Beloved » Fri Oct 24, 2014 6:42 pm

Cats act uppity. That's why at least one civilization worshiped them.
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#5

Postby js408 » Wed Oct 07, 2015 5:51 am

This is an old post but I feel like darkaris's reactions and situation really relates to me. Honestly this forum should be more open-minded for people to discuss certain things and not feel like they should be ashamed, after all we're here for a reason. Obviously if we were psycho we probably wouldn't bother trying confirm if our situation is moral or not. We'd just deny and blur the reality of it.

I actually believe its "normal" in some ways, especially if a large amount of us (only account for the ones that admit it) have discussed this topic so many times throughout many websites. I personally struggle with this in a similar way that darkaris does such as feeling/acting aggressively towards my cat when he whines to me about treats or tries to snatch food. i'm going to try to decipher this from a psychological and evolutionary point of view.

The whole reason why we understand what is right and wrong is because growing up and interacting in a civilized society made us catch social cues and learn morality. And this is solely based on the society you live in. For example, in some cultures eating cats/dogs is a typical thing, but in the US and/or other societies this is very illegal. Therefore, in some ways morality is sort of artificial.

I think that deep down its still in our very nature to desire power and hold on to it. This may explain why when the cat snatches your food or "demands a treat" you feel the instinct to hurt or yell at it. In some ways, its the idea of power being taken away from you, or a challenge to your power that drives these feelings and actions. Now this is particularly conflicting especially because cats believe they are in charge.

When my cat has an attitude like that I sometimes find myself yelling at my cat to the point where he would run away and hide in a corner. For a fraction of a second I feel satisfied watching my cat go into submission and fear. However, as soon as I step out of the situation I feel immediate regret and extremely sad for that to a cat I love. I guess looking at the big picture, we own cats not to abuse them, but to incorporate them as part of our family. It's hard to say if humans exerting their power on the cat is considered morally wrong in this situation though. After all, its both the cats AND human nature to feel superior, it just happens we're more potent than them.

In the end I want my cat and other cats to love their owners. Even if there may be power conflict, I think that since we are more advanced, maybe we should just let the cat "believe" that he/she has the power just for their happiness. Maybe they would love us better if their happy. I hate having the idea of a cat not knowing his place, but after yelling at him and chasing him one time to the point where he hid from me completely, I felt so bad i worked hard to regain his trust. In the end, i probably would never punish him like that again, but only let him know if hes doing something bad or ignore him if hes being bratty. In the end, its not his fault for his feline nature no more than it is mine for feeling angry that a smaller animal is overstepping my authority. However, I believe we should see past it and look at the big picture that in the end, our cat is almost like our children in some ways, and that their happiness is also ours.
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#6

Postby Leo Volont » Wed Oct 07, 2015 3:15 pm

Dear Darkaris,

Your English is absolutely splendid… you have no worries there… its better than most Native English Speakers, who don’t consciously cultivate their writing.

Anyway, I have 5 Cats. I have also Administered several Feral Cat Feeding Stations, and have taken Feral Cats in to live with me… well… sort of ‘half-feral’ cats… the Kittens of 1st Generation Ferals, when their Feral Mother brings them to the Feeding Station simply do not understand why their Mother is so shy and panicky about the Big Human Being that is being so nice to them. So they are more trusting.

But what I do not understand about your White Cat is its Ant-Human Aggression. Even somewhat Tamed Feral Cats will Inhibit Aggression against Human Beings. You see, Instinctively, all Cats are Domestic. Cats and Human Beings are two Symbiotic Species. When hand raised, a Cat will NOT manifest aggression against its Owner… well there can be ‘misunderstandings’… and cat reaching out to take your hand with teeth or claw, but only wanting you to Pet it.

But, yes, if that Cat IS aggressive – biting to hurt your deliberately, then, certainly, the BEST THING to do is to show it that you are the ALPHA… that YOU are the Boss, not IT. Now, yes, with People, we should behave respectfully and reasonably toward anyone, BUT with Cats, well, it is the LAW OF THE JUNGLE. You HAVE to put it in its place, or you will be It’s Pet… the Apartment will be It’s Appartment, and it will think it can tell you what to do. So you really do have to correct that.

But it should come with the sense of accomplishing a necessary duty for the Good of Everyone concerned. But you should not take pleasure in it.

Maybe you like the Dominance Challenge. It Challenged you and so you are gleeful and even excited about Playing Its Game. It bit you, and so now you find you enjoy biting back.

Its worrisome. First, I do not trust that Cat. It acts for the most part like a Socialized and Domestic Cat, but if it snaps into being a Vicious Wildcat with killer instincts toward Humans… something that he have never seen in a Socialized Domestic Cat… well, get rid of it. Take it to the Kennel, or whatever they have in Greece. Your enjoying punishing it is really not good for you. Even you understand that what it is Doing to Your Head is not a good thing. Get that Wicked Cat out of the House.

I have 5 cats… used to have 8, but old age takes its toll… and some have never needed any correction, but those that do, I speak harshly too them and say ‘Bad Thing’and give them a good hard thump to help them remember… and then immediately chase them down to ask them if they are ‘Okay’… with cats you do not have to dwell on Punishment… you tell them Once, and Show Them, and they will get it. So after punishments it is quite advisable to make ‘friends’ again. But NOBODY, even the EX-Ferals, ever deliberately bit me to draw blood. That is Over the Line with domestic cats.

Unless it was just a nibble and you are exaggerating your story… maybe, a little. I used to work in a Kennel, socializing Kittens for adoption… well I was a Volunteer, and the Real Workers would warn me about the hopelessly aggressive ferals that I should ignore. Well, sometimes they would like so cute and peaceful, that I would open the cage and see for myself. Well, when a Cat really Means Business, they Bite like a Sewing Machine – they will bite your hand down to the Bone 3 times in one second! When they see that you are in Shock, they will jump past you out of the cage and escape. Really, you just count your lucky stars that it stopped as soon as it did and did not jump on your Face.

So, when this one Ex-feral I have gets annoyed if I grab its leg… like do the other cats, and it reaches back and gives me a ‘bite’, I just tell it to ‘Be Good!, and that I’m Sorry’… but I KNOW that what seems like a ‘Hard Bit’ is NOTHING compared to what a REALLY AGGRESSIVE CAT could and would do. I mean it! They bite as quickly as a Sewing Machine, and it is down to the bone! You have to wrap your hand up to stop the bleeding. I did not want the Kennel People to know that I was so stupid as not to listen to them, and so I would walk out and say goodbye with my hands in my pockets. Oh, and I would have to Catch the Escapee with the long ‘Snake Stick’… a long pole with a retractable rope loop at the end. The Cats hate that thing, but it is the only way to catch a Wild Cat.

Anyway, that white cat seems lovely, and if you handed it over to an Animal shelter, it might still find a home more agreeable to it. Of course, your own apartment may be agreeable to it. Several of my Cats were ‘runaways’… they simply did not like their former owners and kept escaping until their Owners stopped caring about getting them back. Your White Cat stays. It could not be too unhappy.

But! You come first. Get an Animal Carrier Thing from a Pet Store, put the Thing in it, and take it to the Animal shelter or Kennel. If there are no animal shelters or kennels in Greece, then take it for a drive… 60 kilometers… past the river… over the mountain… and drop it off in some friendly little quaint Greek Village where it can make friends, and then drive home, and don’t bother to look back. After all, what do you owe a thing that Bites the Hand that Feeds It?
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#7

Postby Leo Volont » Wed Oct 07, 2015 10:46 pm

Dear Darkaras,

Oh, by the way, did you know that a great many White and Albino Cats are Deaf... they can't hear! It leads to different behavior from other cats. Of course they do not respond to verbal cues. "Good Cat" or "Bad Kitty" mean nothing to them. With Deaf Cats you need to get their visual attention and then have a kind of personal sign language with them. Touching also helps -- Petting and Good Friendly 'Thumps' are good, but light swift smacks across the back are bad. The problem with cat seems to be that it will Fight Back... that it does not Inhibit Anti-Human Aggression like Socialized Domestic Cats should, and nearly always do.

Well, good luck figuring it all out...
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#8

Postby HalloweenQueen31 » Sun Jul 07, 2019 6:48 am

it’s because they are freaking annoying and don’t listen. we take care of them and they think they own us. that’s why u do it. it’s enjoying watching them suffer after they think they own the place.
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#9

Postby Leo Volont » Sun Jul 07, 2019 7:12 am

HalloweenQueen31 wrote:it’s because they are freaking annoying and don’t listen. we take care of them and they think they own us. that’s why u do it. it’s enjoying watching them suffer after they think they own the place.


Hi Halloween, You know when cats started out in Egypt, the Pharaoh ordered that they be treated like little Gods. You see, because they lived on grain, they needed the cats to deal with all the rats. So, yeah, you can see why the Cats started to take on an Attitude. But, then again, for thousands of years people were putting up with it. In most cases the choice was to either live with a cat or live with rats. Most people would take the proud and conceited cat anytime, right?

but, yeah, you're attitude is common, even among cat owners. I've have about 10 cats in the last 20 years, and at least six of them have come to me because they escaped from their previous owners and refused to go back. They will leave sure food and shelter and live eating scraps out of a dumpster before they will take crap from a human being. I find that they are NOT feral but friendly, and so i take them in. Their owners track them down to me, and I give the cat back. But the cat escapes again. It turns out that while I can walk up and pick up the cats, they won't let their own Owners pick them up. so I usually have to give the owner a few bucks to release rights to the cat and get lost and become a bad memory.

Well, yeah, it is true that I push back on some Cat Behavior. I really don't know how FAR these Owners had to go to make their cats decide to just turn their back and go through the door and never look back. heck, dogs would be loyal almost no matter what. But you can only push a cat so far.
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#10

Postby Clawfordxi7 » Sun Jul 21, 2019 5:45 pm

I don’t know if you still read these or not, or if you even use this site anymore, but I get urges to hit my cats out of anger too, so I get a spray bottle and spray them a lot (it’s just water so it’s not like it’ll hurt, unless it gets in their eyes perhaps).
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#11

Postby Leo Volont » Sun Jul 21, 2019 11:08 pm

Clawfordxi7 wrote:I don’t know if you still read these or not, or if you even use this site anymore, but I get urges to hit my cats out of anger too, so I get a spray bottle and spray them a lot (it’s just water so it’s not like it’ll hurt, unless it gets in their eyes perhaps).



Hi Clawfordx

Do your cats realize that it is you who are tormenting them? Maybe they haven't made the connection and just think the Environment is spraying them, like rain outside. But, yeah, cats are not like dogs, and cats have their limits on what they will take from their Guardians. I keep cats. In the last 40 years, probably about 15 or 16 Indoor Cats. About 6 or 7 of them had been ESCAPEES from other Cat Owners. They got out of other people's homes or apartments and could not be persuaded to go back. the owners would come to get them, but the cats would escape again, and I would find them at my door.

So, yeah, Clawford, if you love your cats, maybe you should stop pushing them towards the door. If they ever catch on that you are intentionally tormenting them, well, you know what that would do to their Feline Pride, right?

But, THIS IS an Anger Management Forum, and so I will give you an Anger Management Tip. Whenever you feel your jaw muscles tighten up, IMMEDIATELY relax them. This keeps the Cortisol from being released in your brain which is responsible for most impulsive hostile behaviors. I you want to know more about it, well, just read through a bunch of these Threads and you will see the Technique being discussed.
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#12

Postby Clawfordxi7 » Mon Jul 22, 2019 3:01 pm

When I say anything about a door??? That makes no sense.
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#13

Postby Leo Volont » Mon Jul 22, 2019 10:15 pm

Clawfordxi7 wrote:When I say anything about a door??? That makes no sense.



Hi Clawford,

Are you speaking to me, Leo, about "who said anything about a door?". Well, perhaps you didn't, but I was under the impression that we were having a conversation. I went back and looked. Wow! It turns out that it was I, Leo, who said something about a door, in a good faith conversation I was having with you, right?

then you say that it didn't make any sense. Well, what grade are you in again? Are your teachers happy with your work or are they asking you to try harder? don't the teachers make you you read passages from books and then come up with various explanation of what those passages mean? Honestly, I was not trying to be cryptic. I don't have the passage you refer to in front of me, but, I did read it to see where "door" came from, and I believe I was talking about cats, and that if one abuses a cat and they find out that it is you doing the abusing, then their pride will be hurt and, well, THEY WILL FIND THE DOOR. There, that word "door" keeps coming up. I'm sorry that it loses you.

Do you have very many conversations. Do they all end this way, with you telling people they don't make sense, and then with them wondering why you find it so hard to follow. Really, when in a conversation, stop and think about what people are trying to say. They may not use the same words you might have, and so one has to treat it as a kind of puzzle. Pretend you get a prize if you can guess what they are talking about. If you can't quite figure it out, then try repeating back what they just said but sort of leave it hanging where they lost you, and they will see that as their cue to keep on with their story and fill in the gaps.

so, have a nice day, and, remember, it might hurt my feelings if you come back again and absolutely insist that I am not making sense. You know, people try as hard as they can, and it hurts their feelings when others imply that they are stupid.
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