Fear of talking to people

Postby animefreak123 » Mon Nov 17, 2014 7:01 am

Hi, i have a fear of talking to people even though i really want to talk to them or get to know them. i don't have great confidence, and i try to avoid situations that make me uncomfortable, which is really hurting me in life. i don't want to be like this but the fear is very real for me, and i don't want to emotionally scar myself by being brash and "getting over it". Has anyone else experienced this and is willing to share their experience, or coping methods or just thoughts?
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Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Nov 17, 2014 7:49 am

Read the book, "How to Talk to Anyone". The hardest part is starting the conversation. The second hardest part is being a good listener. Most people really don't care what you have to say. They are too worried about how they are coming across and what is in it for them. Remember, it may not look like it, but they are also afraid.
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Postby JuliusFawcett » Sun Nov 23, 2014 9:29 am

We get over fear when we have had enough of suffering, everything happens at the perfect time
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Postby xtred » Tue Nov 25, 2014 12:25 pm

Hi! I have also experienced this and it's terrifying isn't it? When you try to go up to someone, you start trembling and then you feel your palms sweating and when you let out a word, it turns into a stutter. Well that's what I have experienced. How I have tried overcoming this is through faking confidence.

I highly recommend you watch the ted video: Amy Cuddy your body language shapes who you are?

You do not have to start really fast and just head straight to talking to random people, just build up with it. Try practicing speech with your parents or siblings and then move onto your friends and once you feel good about yourself then you move onto people that you get to know. When you talk to people, you sometimes get rejected and it is fine!!! Don't be discouraged by it because sometimes people are not accustomed to random people talking to them or that they just want to be left alone. A good conversation starter may include talking about the current situation. For example, if the situation is at a party and there is this girl who is standing alone and you want to talk to her, approach her casually right next to her and ask how she thinks about the party, then introduce yourself and talk about more about the party. Make sure you listen good and respond to them appropriately because people always love talking about themselves when you ask them questions about themselves!

Also, appearance is also a number one thing. Make sure that you are well groomed, ensuring that your breathe doesn't smell, ensuring that your back is straight and you are walking with pride. Not only does this increase your appearance but it also increases your confidence and how you look in the eyes of others.
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Postby mitchellsmith » Fri Dec 26, 2014 1:56 am


I used to be so shy but then I realized that I needed to take a step forward to talk to people.

1. Try to prepare before you talk to someone. I know it sounds silly but I believe we're afraid of making mistake so it's better to prepare to avoid awkward moment.

2. If you find it difficult to prepare, try to listen more to people or ask question. They'll like it and you don't have to think much of what you should say. Use the 4 Wives 1 Husband methods. Which, Why, What, Where, When, and How.

3. Ask yourself: Why should I be so shy? Everyone makes mistake and don't overthink. Just try this methods first and don't think too much on what's gonna work because ultimately everyone is different.

Take Actions.

All the best. :D
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Postby Hanyuuu » Fri Dec 26, 2014 11:24 am

as other say the first step is the hardest, but after it is much easier, you need to do everything to overcome the first step get all your courage and talk to sb. Even if it will be short or you will

/[You do not have to start really fast and just head straight to talking to random people, just build up with it.]/
if you manage to pass it; it will be much easier.

Internet chats also help in building up confidence, so try using them more often to build up a confidence
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Postby Todd » Sun Mar 15, 2015 7:15 am

I would say at the core this ALL has to do with low self esteem. Deep down you may feel like you don't have anything good to contribute to a personal communication, and as such you hang back and become fearful of being in an awkward situation with someone. Well this is all in the mind, and the great thing is you've been programmed this way through poor experiences in the past, or consistent negative feedback from a third party. Now, I say the "great thing", because just as you've been programmed to be afraid of social situations, you can re-program your subconscious to slowly become more confident.

For the quickest results I suggest going to a psychologist for regular hypnosis sessions. Alternately, there are fantastic resources on You Tube you can use to for your own reprogramming, just check it out.

Coupling a subconscious programming strategy for higher confidence with actually taking action, and starting to talk to people, in time you absolutely WILL get over your fear. Just be consistent!
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Postby insights » Sat Apr 04, 2015 7:41 pm

Understand that fear is simply an emotion. Since it is an emotion, you can control it. Fears come from the possibility of failure. We all fail, and that is how we learn :) It sounds like you are carrying this fear on your sleeve and just waiting for rejection. While it may not be visible to you, it is to others.

Picture this: you are going in for an interview and you have negative thoughts running through your head: I will never get this job, I'm not qualified, I look horrible in this outfit, I know they will think I'm stupid etc.

When asked a question, do you think you will respond positively? I doubt it.

Now you walk in with these thoughts: I am qualified for this job, I feel great about the expertise I have to offer, I know I can offer my uniqueness that will benefit the company, I will show them my creativity and passion etc.

How do you think you will respond to questions now?

You can even "feel" the difference as you read the examples.

It is the same thing for everything in life. You are reflecting your thinking. Stand in front of a mirror complimenting yourself over and over until YOU believe it. You are amazing just like you are - Find it :)
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