after 7 days i can stop my cravings

#135

Postby Ade,wales » Sat Nov 14, 2015 5:05 pm

Getting a grip on work now. Much busier, and some decent money coming in. Is stressful trying to get everything done, organising,pricing,invoicing,etc. But the end result is feeling a lot better about everything.
I'm getting there, it's taken time, has been a right f****r of a year, but coming close to the top of the mountain. It's in sight.

Anyone starting this journey, it does have an ending, just keep slogging on.
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#136

Postby Furtive » Sun Nov 15, 2015 1:37 am

Well done, Ade. :)

As the weeks roll past and you're busy I think you get more free and safe.

I realized a month or two ago that I can't even recognize my old attitude to weed anymore.
the thought of hitting it several times per month is just ... Unthinkable, never mind every day.
I don't have the time or desire for something so harmful.

Achieving things is so much of a better buzz, and makes a decent memory priceless.

I pulled a face at a stoner the other night , cycled past
it stank and he looked really sick, and didn't look me in the eye.
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#137

Postby Ade,wales » Sun Nov 15, 2015 10:15 pm

Thanks Furtive

Now that I am out of that bubble and can look back at what I was doing I think how the hell was I even functioning. Yes, the attitude to weed, I would defend it, would think straight people don't know wots right. How can these people NOT smoke? Idiots.

Live and learn. At least I finally woke up. Positive from now on. Start living again.
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#138

Postby Ade,wales » Sun Dec 06, 2015 2:12 pm

11 months

Not long until one year. Weed doesn't enter into my thoughts anymore. And really don't want to smoke. I used to think I needed it to relax, chill out. But now the thought of getting stoned - head rush, wobbly, spazzed, paranoid etc. No thanks

I'm not at the stage where I'm loving every second of life. Still have days where I just feel a bit down. A bit grumpy and snappy. But definitely generally more stable. When smoking I was up and down and all over the place. Don't want to be there again.

I don't even think to myself anymore that it's the PAWS again. Just this is how life is sometimes.
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#139

Postby Wave » Sun Dec 06, 2015 7:09 pm

Well done. Yea I know what you mean about still feeling down, happening to me a little lately (8 months now).

The idea of being constantly stoned is not a pleasant one!
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#140

Postby Ade,wales » Sun Dec 06, 2015 8:38 pm

Well done wave, you're doing good. 8 months !

With the feeling down thing, I think my life isn't in the place I want it to be. Mainly work, and couple other things I want to be sorted so I feel happy. Don't think PAWS is doing much anymore. Just don't have that escape from reality anymore.

But I feel it's getting better. I'm not ignoring it anymore and actually trying to improve things. It'll come, I'll get there.
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#141

Postby Furtive » Mon Dec 07, 2015 9:26 pm

yeh Ade.

One thing I learned when having my 'test vapes' was to appreciate how much better
I actually was in recovery than when in fresh withdrawal.
It's that "oh yeh actually I was totally wrong about this. It was just my mind making
more negative of being sober, and more positive of being stoned, when the
reality is different."

There are so many examples of the same effect in all areas of life.
When I look at my watch to see the date, it nearly always seems to be quarter past the hour
so I can't see the date pane behind the arm.
I got a new watch where the date window is actually at 4, and guess what -
I usually seem to check the date at 20 past the hour ….
Because those are the times my mind focuses on - the other times I just read the date and
get on with it.

Road signs.
When they're not helpful, I go to a lot of effort to remember that and so it feels
like the signs never seem to name the place I want.
I think, "how difficult can it be to name the local towns this road leads to?
Who gives a sh1t about the city that's over 100 miles away?"
Until I do and then I don't remember, I just get on with it.

It's not just me, most user feedback, most customer feedback, is negative.
It's just the way our brains are wired. We evolved this way because it's an efficient way to
go through life focusing on the things we want to make better.

The bad side effect of it is not appreciating what we've got until we lose it.
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#142

Postby Ade,wales » Mon Dec 07, 2015 11:51 pm

Interesting thoughts Furtive

I think that after 11 months my brain is mostly rewired and I am waking up to what I actually have. A beautiful wife and daughter, a home of my own, developing business, brilliant friends and family. Appreciating the fact I'm still alive after my heart scare. Things could be a lot worse.

I guess I feel at the back of my mind I have wasted so many years going nowhere, I could have done so much better, and I want to instantly rectify that. And I'm beating myself up about it. It's gonna take time to start catching up. But I'm not in such a bad place I should be happy with what I got. You can't change the past so what's the point on dwelling on it.

I'm hoping in another year things will be better again. But rather than just hoping, being straight gives me much more chance of it happening.

Look at you mate, new house, new job. Weed free is the way. I guess it takes a stoner a defining point in their life where they realise - well this is sh*t
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#143

Postby Ade,wales » Tue Jan 05, 2016 6:43 pm

ONE YEAR !!!!!

Never thought this day would happen. To not have smoked for this long. Got to say it hasn't been easy but it has been worth it. The benefits of not smoking completely outweighs smoking.

I don't know how long I spent thinking - I should probably stop this s**t. Until I actually did. If you're in that unsure state of deciding, just do it, you won't regret it.

On another note I'm back in hospital after my heart has gone mental again. I think that implanted defibrillator is looking quite likely now. Should be celebrating not in casualty
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#144

Postby lmcbride » Tue Jan 05, 2016 10:17 pm

Congrats Ade! I'm quickly coming up on 5 months and things are looking pretty good!

Can't wait to see how good I feel in a year :)
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#145

Postby Ade,wales » Wed Jan 06, 2016 8:50 am

Hi Imcbride

I'd say you've gotten over the worst of it. It's just hanging on now and resisting any foolish notions of 'I'm ok now, I'll be alright with one or two'. Next thing you're chronic again.

It does get easier the further down the line you are. I don't think about it anymore and know I will never smoke again. This last year has been crazy and am not putting myself through that again.

Good luck, keep doing what you're doing. And well done
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#146

Postby Ade,wales » Tue Mar 08, 2016 12:09 am

14 months

Time seems to be flying by, maybe because I'm not thinking about my recovery all the time like in the beginning. Occasionally popping into the forum for a nose reminds me where I was and how far I've come. But I don't think about it much anymore in my day to day life.

Having a smoke now would be like stirring my brains into a mushy mess again and be back to square one. That could be why I don't get any cravings, my mind has been set on how much it would mess me up and waste what I have achieved so far. So it just doesn't enter my head.

From now on in I am hoping just to see little improvements until one day I can think, ok I feel good now. But boy am I glad the whole craziness of the last year has petered off.

From the improvements I've already noticed I don't think we have permenantly damaged ourselves. It just takes a long time. And you need to get you're life in order where you're happy with yourself, or you might still think the recovery is effecting you.

One day, hopefully this year, I'll be able to say to myself, everything's good. And this crazy chapter of my life will be done.

Good luck everyone

It is possible
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#147

Postby Ade,wales » Sun Apr 17, 2016 5:09 pm

Another month done. Feel like I'm getting nearer to being properly recovered. No cravings, no desire to get stoned.

I can deal with things a lot easier now. My van broke recently and had a load of hassle getting it sorted and cost a packet. Before this would have been the end of the world and I would have been in a foul mood for weeks. But now I kinda just accepted that s**t happens sometimes and not let it bother me.

I am hoping that my mind is gonna become a bit more sharper in time. My memory seems to have improved a fair bit, which is handy. And my mood seems to be more stable, rather than up and down and all over the place.

Let's see what the next month brings
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#148

Postby Wave » Sun Apr 17, 2016 8:41 pm

Great to hear your progress, well done!!

I have hit a year but not feel up and down. Good and encouraging to ready/track your improvements and hope it stays going the write direction.
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#149

Postby Ade,wales » Mon Jun 06, 2016 10:34 pm

17 months.

Almost a year and a half

It's crazy how quick it's going. 2 years will be here before I know it
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