What can I do?

Postby JohanF » Mon Jan 19, 2015 7:48 pm

Hello everyone

It was 8 years back when I was 12 I was abused on daily basis by senior students. It went so extreme that everyday I tried to find excuses to miss school, my legs always trembled in fear and on that one particular day one of them ripped by fingernail so that it was facing towards me, 90 degrees( it was the first time I wanted someone to die, homicidal tendencies one can say) well somehow I managed to change the school and I spent my later school years with no friends at all, just the guys I socialized with.
I developed an intrest in politics and economics at age of 13 and as I read more I understood that most of the people in this world are pathetic beings the world would be better off without. I feel nothing when I talk about killing billions of scum. Neither did I feel anything when my music teacher died ( really close to me ). So this thought just crossed my mind that will I cry if my sister died? She's the only person I care about most in this world. I realized that something is wrong, it may not be, I don't know.

I also suffered from bipolar disorder( mood fluctuation, mania and depression ) and I don't really get along with people, they call my behavior destructive but its actually constructive, just imagine a world without useless. Its a matter of time I'll get a high rank, i'm doing graduation from a reputed university with great score. I'm lonely and will be lonely no matter what. Well I'm not totally emotionless otherwise I wouldn't have been here I love my little sister more than anyone. Should I change myself if so how?
JohanF
New Member
 
Posts: 7
Joined: Mon Jan 19, 2015 6:53 pm
Likes Received: 0


#1

Postby Candid » Mon Jan 19, 2015 9:21 pm

JohanF wrote: I understood that most of the people in this world are pathetic beings the world would be better off without.


It's sad you feel that way, and this kind of globalising is a feeling, not a thought.

Tell me about your relationship with your parents, because they were "most of the people" when you were very small.
User avatar
Candid
MVP
MVP
 
Posts: 8448
Joined: Mon Oct 18, 2010 10:00 am
Location: Reading, UK #MeToo
Likes Received: 358

#2

Postby McCain » Tue Jan 20, 2015 3:29 am

JohanF wrote:Hello everyone

It was 8 years back when I was 12 I was abused on daily basis by senior students. It went so extreme that everyday I tried to find excuses to miss school, my legs always trembled in fear and on that one particular day one of them ripped by fingernail so that it was facing towards me, 90 degrees( it was the first time I wanted someone to die, homicidal tendencies one can say) well somehow I managed to change the school and I spent my later school years with no friends at all, just the guys I socialized with.
I developed an intrest in politics and economics at age of 13 and as I read more I understood that most of the people in this world are pathetic beings the world would be better off without. I feel nothing when I talk about killing billions of scum. Neither did I feel anything when my music teacher died ( really close to me ). So this thought just crossed my mind that will I cry if my sister died? She's the only person I care about most in this world. I realized that something is wrong, it may not be, I don't know.

I also suffered from bipolar disorder( mood fluctuation, mania and depression ) and I don't really get along with people, they call my behavior destructive but its actually constructive, just imagbyine a world without useless. Its a matter of time I'll get a high rank, i'm doing graduation from a reputed university with great score. I'm lonely and will be lonely no matter what. Well I'm not totally emotionless otherwise I wouldn't have been here I love my little sister more than anyone. Should I change myself if so how?

Hello Johan,
If you are taking meds for bipolar disorder this could be a side effect. Please speak to your psychiatrist immediately. Homicidal thoughts are not normal and need to be addressed now.Talk to your mom and dad about this quickly. It is a matter of life or death.
Regards McCain
User avatar
McCain
Preferred Member
 
Posts: 549
Joined: Sat Dec 20, 2014 12:48 am
Location: U.S.
Likes Received: 95

#3

Postby Hanyuuu » Tue Jan 20, 2015 1:21 pm

JohanF you need to have more respect for yourself. It is not your fault that you have thoughts like this, you have gone through terrible things and it is only natural that it lead to frustration.

All negative experiences lead to frustration we can;t escape it :( we need to have respect for ourselves that we have right to be frustrated we have right to get angry.

The truth is you don;t want these negative thoughts, you are afraid of them.
they appear because you fight with them. All negative thoughts emotions, come back when we try to fight them or reject them.

In order to free yourself from these you need to respect to yourself and understand that you have a right to be angry.

You have right to be angry, you have right to be frustrated, these thoughts appear because you do not allow yourself for that. When these thoughts appear remember that it is because you do not respect yourself.

you negate yourself that you have right to be angry, this creates these thoughts
Hanyuuu
Junior Member
 
Posts: 28
Joined: Fri Dec 26, 2014 9:12 am
Likes Received: 0

#4

Postby JohanF » Tue Jan 20, 2015 5:24 pm

Candid wrote:
JohanF wrote: I understood that most of the people in this world are pathetic beings the world would be better off without.


It's sad you feel that way, and this kind of globalising is a feeling, not a thought.

Tell me about your relationship with your parents, because they were "most of the people" when you were very small.



it is good although I never talked about that fingernail incident with my parents. After that I isolated myself from this world, it is boring anyway. I spent most of the time reading.
JohanF
New Member
 
Posts: 7
Joined: Mon Jan 19, 2015 6:53 pm
Likes Received: 0

#5

Postby JohanF » Tue Jan 20, 2015 5:28 pm

McCain wrote:
JohanF wrote:Hello everyone

It was 8 years back when I was 12 I was abused on daily basis by senior students. It went so extreme that everyday I tried to find excuses to miss school, my legs always trembled in fear and on that one particular day one of them ripped by fingernail so that it was facing towards me, 90 degrees( it was the first time I wanted someone to die, homicidal tendencies one can say) well somehow I managed to change the school and I spent my later school years with no friends at all, just the guys I socialized with.
I developed an intrest in politics and economics at age of 13 and as I read more I understood that most of the people in this world are pathetic beings the world would be better off without. I feel nothing when I talk about killing billions of scum. Neither did I feel anything when my music teacher died ( really close to me ). So this thought just crossed my mind that will I cry if my sister died? She's the only person I care about most in this world. I realized that something is wrong, it may not be, I don't know.

I also suffered from bipolar disorder( mood fluctuation, mania and depression ) and I don't really get along with people, they call my behavior destructive but its actually constructive, just imagbyine a world without useless. Its a matter of time I'll get a high rank, i'm doing graduation from a reputed university with great score. I'm lonely and will be lonely no matter what. Well I'm not totally emotionless otherwise I wouldn't have been here I love my little sister more than anyone. Should I change myself if so how?

Hello Johan,
If you are taking meds for bipolar disorder this could be a side effect. Please speak to your psychiatrist immediately. Homicidal thoughts are not normal and need to be addressed now.Talk to your mom and dad about this quickly. It is a matter of life or death.
Regards McCain



I stopped my meds a year ago.
JohanF
New Member
 
Posts: 7
Joined: Mon Jan 19, 2015 6:53 pm
Likes Received: 0

#6

Postby McCain » Wed Jan 21, 2015 3:38 am

I can't stress to you the importance of bringing this to someone's attention at home. Will you consider returning to psychiatric care? If you were taking the meds why did you stop?
Regards McCain
User avatar
McCain
Preferred Member
 
Posts: 549
Joined: Sat Dec 20, 2014 12:48 am
Location: U.S.
Likes Received: 95

#7

Postby Alexander Ang » Wed Jan 21, 2015 4:09 am

Hi Johan F,

I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you.

But I do realize something great about you. :)

1) You came to this forum to seek for advise and guidance. From this sentence " Should I change myself if so how?" alone, I know that you are taking a new life changing action step.

2) You share with others about what happened to you, and you understand what are the situation that you are currently encounter is a good start to create better change in you life. (First step to change is all about self-awareness)

There are something I noticed in your post, that is:

1) The world is boring anyway.
2) I'm lonely and will be lonely no matter what.

This is what we call limiting or negative beliefs - It is created based on your past experience, family up bringing, and your surrounding environment.

Now, you need to realize that all these negative sentences that you are mentioning are not entirely true. If you want to start and experience greater joy, and become who you want to be, you need to destroy those negative beliefs first. You can do so by asking question like this:

1) The world is boring anyway. - You ask: Is this really true? Is there any counter example? Is there someone out there who experience the world that is full of miracles, surprise and abundance? Where and how can I find and learn from these people?

2) Open up your mind, if you are aware that you need to improve on your "mood management skills", or communication skills or any other thing, Ask the following question:

a) How can I improve my skills and knowledge on this area?
b) What can I do to turn this things around?

Tips: You can start by searching for youtube videos, start reading books and articles that you wants to work on, then take action and apply it, test and trial. You will see results very soon. Trust me on this! :)


I hope this helps you a little. Please let us know, I believe and I know you can achieve what you want, as long as you believe in yourself that you can make it. :)

Cheers!
User avatar
Alexander Ang
Junior Member
 
Posts: 70
Joined: Sun Jun 01, 2014 11:08 am
Location: Malaysia
Likes Received: 3



Return to Psychology