9 months in withdrawal, PAWS

Postby adamzapple26 » Sun Feb 01, 2015 4:45 am

Hey guys,

11 days ago i've reached 9 months into my withdrawal. I feel like the past few months have been horrible :(. I wake up everyday with a huge brainfog. It feels like my brain is just extremely tired and i have this bad headache that will never leave. My memory is f***ed, i have dp and confusion of thoughts. Im 18 years old and was a heavy smoker for 4 years. I really just wanna feel normal again :( :( :( . It's been the hardest 9 months ever and it really feels like i will never be normal again. I am thinking of relapsing because im dying at this point to become normal. I wanna get out of this jail cell that i have been living in my mind. in 5 months i will be going out of state for college and i don't even know if i will be in a right state of mind to go out there by myself. Can you guys give me any advice on this, I will truly appreciate it. Thank you!!
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#1

Postby netty28661 » Sun Feb 01, 2015 12:32 pm

Hi, al I can say is at 18 you're young enough to recover, go to college & make something of your life.

I have to say I was at my worst between 3 & about 10 months clean, I felt EXACTLY like you, I thought I'd never get any better. I started to improve alot after the 10 month mark, changes can be subtle but you will suddendly notice you've felt ok all day, then you'll feel ok for a few days & so on. You will go on improving through to 2 years if you're anything like I was. It is so worth it though. I've been clean nearly 3 years & life couldn't be better. Think of it this way - whats the alternative!!

Also whilst I'm much older than you (53), I can tell you from my 29 year old sons perspective, he started smoking weed at 14, 15 - I hated it & at that time had never touched drugs, however after I broke my hip in 2001, I got painfull osteoporosis in my hip, my son suggested weed as pain relief. Anyway back to my son, he used weed & other stuff up till about 18 mths ago, I didn't know he was still using as much as he was, weed was the main problem, he became so paranoid that he didnt know what was real life & what wasn't, consequently neither did I, he accused his longterm girlfriend of having an affair, it got very out of hand & was extremely scary for me as a parent. At one point he begged me to get him sectioned & into a hosp dealing with mental problems.

He really regrets ever having started smoking weed & knows the problems its caused, but when he was your age & I used to warn him, he took no notice & I assume thought I was talking rubbish.

THerefore my advise is for you to stay quit & belive me you will start to improve much much more. The good news is my son is a different person now he's quit.

Good luck,
Jannette
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#2

Postby Salsa » Sun Feb 01, 2015 2:27 pm

Hey man! I know exactly how you feel. Brainfog, dp etc. I'm still dealing with this problems at 13 months off weed. Don't make the same mistake like I did. I relapsed when being 9 months clean. It only made brainfog WORSE and it prolonged recovery IMHO.
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#3

Postby adamzapple26 » Sun Feb 01, 2015 4:56 pm

Netty,

Thanks for the reply, it makes me feel a lot better knowing we've been through the same phase. Sometimes i feel like it's only me going through these symptoms. I'm going to stay strong and keep fighting, I been through hell these last months so maybe these symptoms are going to subside or improve onto the next few months. I'm also really glad your son is okay now! I really wished i look at weed differently when i first started.I never thought weed was a problem even before i smoked. I would always tell myself " eh i know ill smoke one day and if i become a pothead i don't care because after all it's just a plant". If i knew this would be an outcome of smoking, i would've never started smoking weed, and if i did it would've been in moderation. I've done a lot of drugs before coke, xtc, shrooms, lsd, etc.. Of course i'm not happy about it, but what i'm trying to say is that out of all those drugs marijuana (which is supposedly nothing but a plant) is the one that really f***ed me over bad time. I wish no human in this world would ever have to go through these truly harsh symptoms, not even my enemies.

Salsa!,
I'm gonna stay strong and fight through this, I thank both you guys for the support, it really made me feel better about myself. That really sucks Salsa that it made you feel worse :(, on the bright side at least your not back to day 1. I heard stories of people relapsing and of course it postpones your recovery date, but it definitely does not go back to day 1. 13 months is a milestone btw! Hopefully in a few more months maybe 6 we will both start feeling much, much better. I will keep you updated, stay strong and keep fighting !!.
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#4

Postby Broken stoner » Sun Feb 01, 2015 5:58 pm

Adam I feel the same as you I'm at 8 months constantly feel like I'm high an things don't exactly look right, I have so much brain fog It's like seeing the world through a different perspective, I never thought marijuana would do this but anyways, just take it one day at a time Adam don't sit there an dwell on it, it's annoying I know but I completely take it from my mind an continue to proceed an do everything I need to, sometimes I have double vision an it's hard to read because the words look like they move an I can easily lose my placement. I have no idea If this is normal but it's been like this since I've quit pretty much, anyways lmao good luck to you bro. sh** sucks don't let it play you, you're in control just do you an ingnore it.
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#5

Postby Vape Addict » Sun Feb 01, 2015 9:44 pm

So here I am thinking all my headaches are from low carbs and now reading more posts I am thinking it is definitely PAWS :(

13 months and yes brain fog, headaches, crap sleep, etc etc . . .

Life defiinitely better without weed though - finding Jannette's posts particularly inspiring cos seems the longer you stay off weed the happier you feel.

Would rather have these headaches and sh** than still be an addict! Quitting totally best thing I've done :D
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#6

Postby adamzapple26 » Mon Feb 02, 2015 2:51 am

broken stoner,

Haha yes bro, this brain fog f***ing sucks. I feel like i'm trapped in my mind. Reading your post made me laugh just because of how much it sucks lmao. Im going to stay strong and keep fighting, hope you do too bro. I will keep you posted on the beginning of every month on how i'm feeling. Hopefully by around June we will be a whole lot better at least i'm hoping so :(. wish best of luck bro !!!
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#7

Postby Broken stoner » Mon Feb 02, 2015 4:18 am

Honestly Adam I'm just at the point where I don't give a **** lmao, if the world wants me to be a burnt out slum bag who can never achieve anything because my brain desides not to heal I'm fine with it, that's how it's going to be bro I'm only 18 an I've had a few beers tonight first time in 8 months sober, never ever had a problem with drinking though so it's all good, you will be good, it is so shitty though when I do math I miss things. An It takes me longer to think about things an I over think things an I realized I never just chill out. Im less paranoid it's just nuts this stuff was in my system for 4 years now it's completely out I feel like a numb soulless, empty shell of the person I used to be an deep inside I feel crumbled. But I wake up an continue to go I realized I gave up on myself when I was high constantly for 4 years an I never want to be that weak again.
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#8

Postby Lance06 » Mon Feb 02, 2015 10:39 am

Just hang in there, you could do it.
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#9

Postby lynne66 » Sun Feb 08, 2015 5:57 am

I am glad to hear it's not just me and some of what I feel has been a relapse of depression also goes with this lack of mental stamina from quitting cannabis most likely. Sometimes I am not depressed but I just don't feel really with it mentally. My mental stamina comes and goes at times. And then other times it seems a little better. I have a lot going on, but I can't underplay that some of it is long-term cannabis withdrawal and repair too. Thanks for sharing. You are not alone. Hang in there!
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#10

Postby lynne66 » Sun Feb 08, 2015 5:59 am

I realize also that I have a harder time just lightening up about things and enjoying things. At 11 months into my quit, things just seem so damn serious at times. Last night I went out to a Bob Marley tribute show and I had a really good time and it occurred to me that I have forgotten how to have fun and laugh at times. I used to rely on cannabis to bring out the joyful moment or two or the zanyness...That is what I miss, but I realize it's also within me and I have to find healthier ways to bring that out.
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#11

Postby lynne66 » Sun Feb 08, 2015 6:03 am

One more thing that I wanted to share that helps me, is that I just keep showing up where I need to be and go with the flow of it all in spite of sometimes extreme discomfort and feelings of dp and anxiety. It usually goes better than I think it will if I just put one foot in front of the other and function through the weirdness of PAWS and adjusting to a new reality.
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#12

Postby adamzapple26 » Mon Feb 09, 2015 3:05 am

Lynee
Thanks for posting! I Want to let you know that we are both going through this phase together. I could relate to you soo much about what your feeling. Most times i feel like i'm not depressed or tired either, but my mind is. If the brain fog would disappear, i know i will feel completely normal. It's like my brain has been holding its breath through out these months, and little by little he's letting that air out. Recovery would be when it takes a full breath of fresh air.

I also have a hard time lightening my self up too, before my withdrawal i would rely on cannabis for basically anything I did. Too eat breakfast, to go to school, to go to a movie, to go to a family gathering, you name it i could keep going! It sucks because when i do things i use to do it really does seem so serious. I would look at everyone around me laughing, smiling, having a good time, and i'd be faking it. Everything i go through seems so serious to my state of mine.

I could well relate to you on the last post because i have been doing the same thing. There is plenty of things i didn't want to do or would want to, thinking of how my discomfort and feelings of dp and anxiety at the time and place will be. But i would do it anyway and while i'm doing it things would always be better as i planned it to be. For example, during my 4 months of withdrawal my symptoms were so harsh that i had to quit my job after being there for 2 years. 1 month ago, (my 8th month in) i decided to go back and ask for my job back. Even though i went back i really didn't want to and i also pictured myself not functioning properly due to anxiety and dp while i would work, but things went normal. I've been working perfectly fine. I just truly wish this brain fog would just go away, i did a lot of research on treatments for withdrawal and i read that amino acids really help. Amino acids are players in the development of your central nervous system. They help heal you and it's not like taking a zanax and feeling better for the moment, amino acids heal you forever! So after i read this i went online GNC and bought myself a package of complex amino acids, they should be arriving soon! Stay strong and keep fighting i'm sure we'll be much better by summer time around June!
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#13

Postby Furtive » Tue Feb 10, 2015 10:18 am

lynne66 wrote:I realize also that I have a harder time just lightening up about things and enjoying things. At 11 months into my quit, things just seem so damn serious at times. Last night I went out to a Bob Marley tribute show and I had a really good time and it occurred to me that I have forgotten how to have fun and laugh at times. I used to rely on cannabis to bring out the joyful moment or two or the zanyness...That is what I miss, but I realize it's also within me and I have to find healthier ways to bring that out.


This is really important.
It's almost impossible to lighten up during acute withdrawal
But after that first couple of months it's really very important, I think, to pretend to be stoned sometimes, and let that fun, silly and permissive element back in to your life.
It's fine because, obviously, you're not actually stoned and have control when you need it.
I find I'm better at everything without weed, including being silly.

Adamzapple, amino acids are just protein ingredients. There should be no shortage of any of them in your diet unless you're a vegan.
Sorry to rain on your parade but they are neither special nor miraculous.
Even if you had a temporary imbalance from weed abuse in the serotonin pathway, and prepped yourself up with excesses of the amino acid precursors to refuel that pathway, I doubt whether you'd gain any benefit at all over a normal healthy diet.
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#14

Postby NateTGreat » Tue Feb 10, 2015 1:40 pm

Hey adamzapple,

Regarding amino acid therapy; I tend to have to agree with Furtive. Let me tell you, over the past 8 months of my PAWS I've searched obsessively for the 'magical cure' that would relieve me of my symptoms. I've been eating cleaner and healthier than ever, I exercise virtually everyday, I meditate and do yoga, I try to sleep as regularly as possible and have tried every dietary supplement you can imagine. I was especially intrigued by amino acid supplements, as they are the precursors to neurotransmitters.

I've tried low and high doses in many different combinations to try and balance my neurotransmitter levels with no noticeable difference. I've used tyrosine, cystine, tryptophan, phenylalanine, 5-HTP, glutamine, theanine, GABA, and carnitine with little to no effects. If anything, the GABA and 5-HTP made me sleepy. The theanine maybe calmed me a bit during times of high anxiety. I can't say for sure. Maybe I was doing something wrong with dosing. Maybe higher levels were needed. Maybe you may find success. All I can say from personal experience was that I did not enjoy and consistent relief from my symptoms. As furtive said, if you are eating healthy and getting enough protein in your diet, you should be providing your body with the resources it needs to build neurotransmitters.

Also, I learned that drug abuse can deplete serum magnesium. I have been taking cheated magnesium glycinate for the past two months and it has calmed my heart rate and mind and virtually eliminated my heart palpitations.

I must say, that the one supplement I have notice a wonderful effect from is a probiotic supplement. I take a 50 billion colony forming units with 10 different strains once a day. It has had a noticeable improvement on my state of well being. I believe the brand is Renew Life, product name Ultimate Flora Critical Care. It is proven that your intestinal tract is your second brain, producing 90% of the serotonin in your body. Over the course of drug and alcohol abuse, and poor eating habits, the good bacteria in your gut can be under balanced by bad bacteria and other toxins. This imbalance not only causes problems with digestion but also with mood. When you begin taking the supplement, you may experience 'die off symptoms' for a week or so. This is due to bad bacteria and toxins being flushed out of your system at an overwhelming rate. The symtoms can be flu like with headaches, chills, brain fog, etc. I figured that I was already getting most of these symptoms anyway so might as well give it a try.

I started on this supplement about a month ago, and I must say that it feels like a switch was flipped to a calmer state of mind. I am almost 8 months in PAWS and have seen noticeable improvement over the past month. I will admit that my mood has stabilized and I am sleeping better, but I still experience slight anxiety and dizziness from time to time. I don't think i am completely free of PAWS yet, just that I am in a much more positive state of mind. Whether or not that is attributed to time or this probiotic supplement is anyone's guess. I personally feel like there was something wrong in my gut and that I have fixed that problem at least, and I have a much better mood to show for it.

Good luck and I hope this helps!
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