Hi guys,
For the past 2 months I have really needed help. Something just isn't right. I have read the whole of the Anxiety and Love thread and I'm still struggling.
Firstly I am in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend and have been for almost 2 years now. Everything has been perfect; he's all I want in a boyfriend, so caring, thoughtful, attentive and we have so much in common. Over Christmas I had been working a lot, as well as going to college. I was very tired and stressed over December but didn't really realise it until I look back on it now.I had so much college work to get done, as well as applying for a course, as well as working long days. I usually get really excited to see my boyfriend as we see each other every month due to the distance, but we see each other for about a week or more each time. This time however I wasn't really looking forward to it, and to think of it now I didn't really feel excited for christmas either. I had been in a constant low mood, worrying about exams etc. He came down and the first two days were fine. But then one day whilst I was eating dinner with him I looked at him and I had a kind of panic attack. After that I felt so disconnected from him for the rest of the week, looking at him and thinking we were just friends. I would pick flaws in his looks and some things he did irritated me. My sex drive? Well it was like I didn't have one. He wasn't making me happy like he usually did, and when he left in the new year I felt nothing, not even sad that I wouldn't see him for another few weeks. After that I spoke with a friend who said 'yeah you've probably just lost your spark and realise you don't love him' and that sparked my anxiety. For the first few days all I could think was 'I don't love him anymore', overanalysing everything, I was nervous to speak to him on skype and when I do I feel nothing and so disconnected. It's like my anxiety has made him into a phobia. I was almost talking to him about breaking up, but I didn't. Since then my mind has been constantly focused on whether I love him or not. I've never even questioned it before but now I feel nothing. Surely it couldn't just go in a week? People say this could be anxiety and stress causing emotional numbness. It seems logical but it's been going on for over a month now. The original stress of exams has gone now and now I am just stressing and constantly thinking about this situation. I don't know what to do. As time has gone on I don't feel as anxious anymore, just numbness, and this is making me wonder whether I really have lost my feelings for him. I really, really want to get these feelings back. So badly. Because he never did anything wrong and he is perfect. I have told him everything, so he knows what's going on.
I just want to speak to someone out there who has had a similar experience as I feel so alone right now. I don't even know what I am feeling anymore.