Emotionless and Anxiety in Relationship

[Agentleman]

I've had a very similar experience recently and habe just made a similar post: fight or flight: the lease.

Maybe u should have added here. Would love an update

[Agentleman]

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Sorry to false quote you here, but I enjoyed your perspectives. Because I am unable to PM you as I am a new member, might I ask that you take a look at my thread? Fight or flight: the lease. Thank you!

[Rosy13]

I sorry I know it’s been a while, but reading your story was like reading mine. I have been an anxious person all my life however a year ago I hit a low point and anxiety took over and I made the decision to seek help, I have been on anxiety tablets for the good part of a year and have had CBT for two months now. I feel more in control of my anxiety, but like you, I had the most amazing weekend break with my boyfriend of 4 years, he is everything a girl would want and honestly loves the bones of me, with him I was a little needy and I loved his sweet messages I woke up to every morning, we live about 40 minutes apart which is nothing really, but on the plane home after a perfect weekend something just clicked, I went from lying on his shoulder helping him through his fear of flying, kissing and cuddling him, to all of a sudden barely able to look at him, I felt completely emotionless towards him, it’s been 3 months now and I’m still feeling that way I don’t love reading his messages nor does he send them much as I totally blank them or ignore him now, we did call it off but I went to pieces and begged him not too leave me, I missed him so much, but now that he is I have that horrible feeling again. I’m anxious in thinking of being around him, I feel uncomfortable and awkward, and I could easily go weeks without seeing him, but when he distance himself from me it kills me, what is wrong with me? I love this man wanted to marry him, and like a switch I now feel very little. I’ve tried moving on but life’s nothing without him yet I can’t bring myself to see him

[Leah09]

Endlessly are you still active here? Would really like to know how things are going cause I’m going through something similar

[Endlessly]

Hi guys! It's relieving to hear people having a similar issue to me and it's nice to see people reading the post still. I'm actually still with my boyfriend, it's going to be 5 years we've been together next year. I still have this issue of feeling numb with him but I've kind of learnt to deal with it. Part of me thinks that it might actually be caused by me being on the contraceptive pill, as I know that this has been known to cause problems with your mood and libido. Honestly, I think the best thing to do is talk about your feelings with your boyfriend/girlfriend because it feels so much better once you get it off your chest. I know it seems hard but I always tell my boyfriend now when my feelings of not loving him and not finding him attractive anymore are strong. Recently I've kind of come to the conclusion that maybe I just don't find him attractive anymore. I don't find him unattractive, but maybe I've just not got that sexual attraction to him anymore. He knows this, and as heartbreaking as it is for him to have to know this, it's better than keeping everything inside. We've both discussed that we might not be together in the next year, and it's taken a lot of pressure off me to know that it may not just be my decision to call things off. Maybe my pill has made me feel numb, maybe it is reality that I don't find him attractive anymore, but for now we are just going to stick with it until the foreseeable. @Rosy13 I feel like for you, you're anxious and nervous now, but honestly with time it will get better, just like it did to me. It's the shock of it suddenly being so different that gets you nervous and questioning your love. Give it time, you may just get through it and be like you were at the start, but definitely talk things through with him, as hard as that may be. If you have any other questions about it feel free to ask me. Sorry I hadn't replied quicker, I've been so busy with university recently.

Endlessly x

[Leah09]

Hey endlessly .... did your anxiety ever get to the point where you found it hard to even text him something inside you telling you to not because things arnt the same anymore? Sorry I’m goig through this and I have been for 2 months now and I love my boyfriend with every part of body he’s amazing. But this is all so scary and everything inside me tells me to give up but I know I can’t I love him too much and it would break both of our hearts
I want to fight this and keep going but it’s so damn HARD

[Endlessly]

@Leah09 yes definitely! I couldn't bring myself to video call him and before it all happened we would do it all the time. I know it's hard, when it first happened I came so close to breaking up with him but I didn't. What do you think yours is based on? Do you still find him attractive? Or is the anxiety making you question his appearance?

[Leah09]

Omg thank god.... I was reading so many of these forums but nobody ever mentioned that I’m so relieved ........ I still find him attractive and cute he has the cutest little face but sometimes I see him differently than I used to if that makes sense? His smile can still melt my heart sometimes
Myself and my therapist think it’s my own insecurities and anxiety from an event that happened a few years ago that I didn’t tell anyone let alone deal with it and process it myself.
I marched myself back to my doctor this morning when I woke up and had a felt like I was having a heart attack because my phone went off and I thought it was him. I thought I was going crazy. Did that ever happen you? I get anxious to see him and text him. I’m overthinh how I should ask when I see him rather than just letting it flow. My overreacting lead to me sitting looking and feeling depressed because then I can’t feel anything towards him cause I’m over analyzing how I should feel
My doc changed my medication to something more anxiety based rather than depression based.

Hoping to god it works cause I love the bones of this man and I can’t loose him

Iv been closing to breaking up too but something inside me won’t let me do it I physically can’t and cry when thinking I should. He had told me anyway he won’t let me end things so I have no choice in the matter lol
Do you know what’s causing your anxiety? Have you tried medication

[Bear]

I know this post is 2 years old but I have just come across it and cannot relate more!
I have been in a relationship for short of 2 years and my last relationship consisted of nothing but guilt and anxiety from a mistake I made with an ex while dating my previous partner. I spent the best of 1 and a half years of my previous relationship with severe anxiety and guilt. Once this relationship ended... messily may I add... I was lifted of anxiety and guilt and moved on into a new relationship with my current partner who was previously my friend of 10 years.
Everything was good to start with I was happy moving on although I struggled somewhat because of missing my ex at time which my new partner knew about and understood, but at times I found it difficult. This missing of my ex made me doubt my feelings for my current parenter but he was perfect and I was happy to give it a shot!

My anxiety however never went away... if I wasn't having anxiety over missing my ex, it was that I was worried I'd not told my new partner the truth about something, even simple things about my past, and if it wasn't that it was that I didn't feel the same way about my new partner as I felt about my ex...

This anxiety eventually grew to a worry that I'd cheated on m new partner on a night out with a friend where I got relatively drunk... although I knew I hadn't cheated and never would... I spent about 3 'months convinced that I had cheated. I of course told my partner everything this entire relationship and he was so supportive and understanding he has been amazing!

We found that the only was to solve my anxiety was for my partner to reassure my with a solution... in terms of the cheating anxiety this was that he wouldn't leave me if I had cheated.. this eventually worked and I'd stopped worrying so much... I then however had a thought one day that if I could cheat on my partner this means I dont love him...

This is where I am now... for the past about 6 months maybe, I have been convinced that I don't love my parenter... and I am constantly finding evidence for this such as, the fact I've always doubted my feelings for him from day one when I missed my ex... I now look at this that I (without knowing) used the fact I was missing my ex as a cover up for just not feeling it with my parter... I always compared the way I feel with my new partner from other partners and found I don't feel the same... but then I question this because always with my previous partners there's been some form of guilt or worry about something I did when I was very young making those mistakes that I think well is this relationship with my new partner how I would truly feel with someone when there's nothing for me to feel guilty about or anything and this is how I am in a pure relationship with no worry?

But then my mind ignores that justification of course and I'm back to being like.. he annoys me all the time, sometimes things he does and the way he looks I find it unattractive... I'm not excited to see him sometimes... I have thoughts about being single... am I just scared to be on my own.... I find so many reasons that makes me think.. well if I feel like this then that can't mean I love him... I wouldn't feel like this if I loved someone... I never felt like this with any of my previous partners and I loved them... but is that a true comparison because my past relationships revolve around some form of worry or guilt and that masks a true comparison of how I feel now compared to with my exs...

As you can see I'm in a repettatice cycle that I'm petrified won't go away, or is true and this is how I actually feel and it's not caused by my anxiety.... I want nothing more than to tell someone my problem and someone tell me, don't worry, the way you feel is a result of your anxiety and not because you don't love your boyfriend!

We are in a situation now where we are just riding this out and I'm trying to get some kind of help with this. To figure out if I do actually feel this way of if it is a result of my anxiety!

I want nothing more than to want to want him... if that makes sense! He is everything I ever wanted.. he's perfect! No imperfections... yet I seem to find them and don't understand why because the things I'm pointing out Would have never bothered me before... or have they just never bothered me before because I was lost in guilty and worry with other relationships... who knows...

I'm worried if we split up I'll of lost the man of my dreams.. but I'm worried staying with him is hurting him and dragging this out for no reason if it turns out I just don't love him.

I hope someone can help me of relate to this, would help to know I'm not alone out there as I constantly ask family and friends about their relationships, what they do, think and act and compare it to my relationship to see if it's normal... I also try take into account that me and my current boyfriend have known each other over 10 years now and wonder if this could naturally impact how I feel and ask.. and that's why it's different to other relationships... but that it's not a bad thing and doesn't mean I don't love him...

Just worth mentioning, at times in my anxiety I have started freaking out about other things such as germs... that was a week long phase where that was the only thing on my mind... it seems i always have to have something to be anxious about and if there's isn't anything I find something... I just hope this love thing is one of them!

I just want to be free of this lack of love feeling and hurting my boyfriend everyday! It breaks my heart knowing what he's going through, but my anxiety about my love for him makes me selfish and I hate that side of me. I'd say I want to go back to how we were but In my opinion I have always had some kind of doubt or question in my feelings towards my boyfriend... so I just want to be in this and to be happy and planning a future with him and want to feel that want to do that...

I moved on really quick from my last partner so I hope this has something to do with how I'm feeling... I just want nothing more than to feel 100% about my love and happiness with my partner!

Another worthy mention might be that I recently in December 2016 lost my gran who I was so close to and have struggled with her loss dramatically... I am a genuine over thinker and worry about anything and everything...

I hope someone can help!

[Endlessly]

@Bear thank you for posting on this thread! I can relate to so much of what you said about your situation. I also wonder whether I love my boyfriend even 2 years later, because I still don't feel like I do. I'm not really anxious about it anymore, more just sort of numb. I think about being single a lot now and in some ways i miss it; I want to be able to experiment again as i never really got to when i was younger as i've been in this relationship since i was 16. I wonder whether i'm numb to everyone and not just my boyfriend, but the only way to find that out would be to end it and see if I had the same issue with someone else, but it's such a big thing as i've been with him for so long and we live together and we are best friends as well as girlfriend and boyfriend.

I find i'm even less interested in him when i'm really stressed (i'm currently at university which is causing me a LOT of stress with the amount of work i have to do), but I suppose that would be the same for anybody.

I wish I could say it improved after I posted this thread but it didn't, i just sort of got used to it. But that's not to say it won't be the same for you. Yours could well be down to your anxiety, it's just so hard to tell and I can't think of a way to find out unless it means breaking up and I just can't bring myself to do that.

Please keep me updated whenever you feel you want to, it's reassuring to see others going through a similar issue,

Endlessly.

[zogota]

Do you have any ways of dealing with stress?