Just lost and dont know

[Lauraxa3000]

Hi
I am writing because i need to get my feelings out. I am 26 years old currently in a foreign country with my student exchange i have gambling addiction since 2009 it has come and go. I have been in really low points where i have no money not even for food. When it started i stole from the place i worked-- not really worked for money the guy who owns the company uses young people to do the work for him and makes them feel they are doing it to develop themselves and owe him all the respect. I didnt have time to get a "real" job on the side of this. When the economy was low he was always saying how we have to work so hard to keep the company going.... eventually this lead me to gambling.. i was trusted in the company and had access to the money. For long time nobody knew until it came out and i had to tell my parents and they helped me to pay back some of the money. My relationship with my mother has not been the same since because i feel i have failed her again and again so i dont call and visit as much as i could. After the gambling came out i was still working in the company but under shame now everyone knew... i loved what i was doing there as work and the guy manipulated with it until my friend helped to decide to move to another country. The gambling didnt stop i still did it ever now and then i cant remember a time when i actually had money... saved for next month or put aside... now am in huge depts because i am so emotional every small thing triggers it. My relationship with my boyfriend is hanging in a hair because he is far away and we fight almost every day. Whenever i start to cry on the phone he gets angry and ignores it. I dont understand it and i feel he doesnt care. As of today we have broken up but this happens so often sometimes i just take it as normal we will make up next day until the next fight. I am emotionally exhausted. Am failing with my deadlines in the uni and i dont know who to ask for help or go to talk to am not sure i even want to tell anyone in person. I have many people around me but nobody know these negative things they think i am happy positive person. Lately i get this feelings often that i dont know what to do and sometimes thinking it would be better i was not here. Eventually i think myself out of it but i waste some much time on these thoughts and dont get my assignments or anything else done. I dont have a friend i can go and talk to who would understand. My boyfriend used to be that person but i can barely have a normal conversation with him. I am just so tired of this am tired i keep going to gamble i want to quit but then everytime i have a little bit of money i start to think i can win all back. I know this thoughts are not real but then something happens and i dont have any place to put my emotions and again gamble. I dont know how to get out from this circle and feel normal and okay and save my relationship. I miss my boyfriend and the way we could talk once...

[thisisfredsmith]

Okay.

I've looked at this post a few times and wanted to make sure I could provide something that may be geared toward you seeing light at the end of your tunnel. So, my normal disclaimer is to please take my answer, see what you may or not be able to take away from it, and challenge and test my experiences in relation to yours, okay?

I've played semi-professional poker since 2008 with World Poker Tour pros; which in trading, could be considered a binary option. I've also played around the United States always looking for the cash games I can win. I also actively, to this day, trade stocks, foreign exchange, etc. I'm always looking for the big game in relation to the instrument I want to play it with.

What I have discovered is whenever you play a game with unlimited boundaries, you must, and I repeat, must have rules established.

I'm going to rephrase that statement two different ways.

1. As Kenny Rogers would say, "You gotta know when to hold 'em; know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away; and know when to run."

To add to Kenny's statement: sometimes you have to do nothing. This statement will tie in later, as you will see.

Here's the second rephrasing of my original sentence:

2. You must apply strict risk management principles in order to stay in the game.

Bottom line: there's only a certain amount of risk I'm willing to expose myself to per trade. Gambling is no different. You must expose a certain percentage of your bankroll, per trade, in order to stay in the game long term.

So, how does this correlate into personal development?

Simple.

Whether it's gambling, trading: anything involving a "limitless" game, you must create rules and enforce them so you can have your desired outcome. "Freedom isn't free" because there is a price you must pay. Too many times people who lose their bankroll in relation to future winning probabilities simply invest too much too quickly.

How do casinos make money? They know they will hit their number at the end of the year, based on the Law of Averages and probability thinking, versus linear, binary thinking. They understand randomness and volatility and risk a certain amount per year. But they know they will probably hit their projected number, year in and year out, and they factor in probability to expect big winners in their casino, as well as big losers in their casino.

So, take the above story and apply it to your own situation. Are you using risk management principles in your gambling and personal life? What percentage of your bankroll in your family and gambling situation are you always "putting on the line?"

I equate your situation as a rock climber climbing a wall. They take little steps and get little wins that, through time, eventually add up to the big win, i.e. getting to the top of the mountain. They may have to go down to another ledge to position themselves to another ledge that will give them the support they need to get to the next level.

But, just like the casinos and trading, they have patience and know they will eventually get to the top. They also have rock-climbing skills that will also enable them to accomplish their mission.

So, for starters, start by doing nothing. That's right, nothing. Take a value inventory of where you are in your gambling and family life in relation to where you want to be, and what you need to do in the interim to evolve (big word) into the next level.

Then, take a 100,000-foot view of your situation. Where do you want to be? How much risk management are you willing to apply so you don't go broke in your gambling and family efforts? Are you just looking for the homeruns, or are you looking at the first and second-base hits? When you start putting rules into place and begin to create a structure within your endless freedom, you will quickly discover that you have just created a vehicle which, when fueled by proper risk management rules, probably will give you bigger advantages now than you've ever had before. The wins in gambling and personal lives are created by creating, maintaining, and executing on the small edges in your favor- but it starts with proper risk management and trading psychology.

I would also Google Pareto Principle so you can understand how it will only take 20% of your risk management efforts and discipline to yield 80% of your family and gambling wins. Then Google Coin Flip Theory and Trading. You will also quickly discover that you will never know when your win will hit, so you must execute flawlessly in your discipline and risk management, via patience and consistency, to even out the randomity.

This, in turn (at least for me) will enable you to become a better disciplined and more focused person. I focused on 20% efforts in my family life and trading which yielded 80% results, thereby freeing up time and lost energy. For me, I also became more focused on personal development, namely patience, and suddenly I became a winning trader. Once you develop a system in your personal and gambling lives, you can focus on controlling what you can control, taking unnecessary drama out of both lives.

Hope this helps.

[noonelikesaknowitall]

There is a fellowship called Gamblers Anonymous. Look into it and get to a meeting. They will be able to help you with other life stuff too.

[Lauraxa3000]

Thank you. You gave me something to think about. Am in a phase of doing nothing at the moment no money no work only left with my thoughts..