1 Year w/ PAWS

**Posts:** 54 · by **adamzapple26** » Fri Apr 10, 2015 4:37 am

Hey all,
In exactly 10 days i will reach a year in my recovery. This year has been extremely TOUGH for me. I went through almost any symptom you can name, Anxiety,Restlessness,Irritability,Insomnia,Headaches,Poor concentration,Depression
,Social isolation, Memory loss, Panic attacks, Low self esteem, etc. I still experience depression, anxiety, poor concentration, insomnia, and memory loss to this day. I know i should be happy about my 1 year recovery, but to be honest i feel like sh**

. I'm tired of living in this empty world in my head. I wanna be in control of my emotions and be able to live life normally. I don't know what to do anymore, I feel like saying "**** it, and **** everything i'm gonna smoke a blunt", but then something in my mind is telling me to keep fighting that eventually I will be okay.

**Posts:** 543 · by **Salsa** » Fri Apr 10, 2015 7:22 am

Man, keep it up. Stay strong. You've done an amazing job so far.

**Posts:** 78 · by **fiveweeks** » Fri Apr 10, 2015 9:25 pm

Hey adam,

I did not get so far, one year is still in my dreams. It's really a good journey and you are very strong man! I encourage you to continue, do not throw out all this sacrifice. I'm in seven months and last week I had some of the worst days of my journey, so I thought the same thing as you: "**** it, I'll go back to smoking and live my life as before".

But as happened to you, something inside me kept me from continuing with this thought, even despite my deep sorrow... And you know why? I'm not 7 months suffering to look back and relapse with the substance that caused me all this.

Please, don't give up now... Remember the reason you stopped, the goals you have to your future, the life you want and look foward...

Read the stories of those who have won this battle, I guarantee you, you're too close...

Read the story of therebirth and this is a post that he sent to the Salsa when completed one year:

Postby therebirth » Thu Jan 08, 2015 12:37 am
Congrats Salsa. As you already know, I also gone through every single thing you have listed and been going through. I can even remember when I reached the 1 year mark, I refused to post in the forum like the others who had achieved this, cuz I was very angry and frustrated that the whole mess had not stopped. You are 5 months behind me and I want to let you know it does get better.. Much better than what you will be expecting normal to feel like. I am still not there yet and get mild episodes here and there but they are huge miles away from what it used to be initially and in slowly starting to have a feeling of reality I haven't had in a long time.. Very faint, but it's growing. In retrospect, I believe this whole thing started from the first blunt, cuz looking back, it feels like the 5 year period I smoked wasn't real life (hard to explain). Anyways, congrats again. If we have been getting better since the panic and people like biggiesize and olskooru have made it past the burning flames of hell and dining with the devil, we too have to maintain the hope that got us here and remain positive that at some point, this we all be history, something we will learn a lot from.
I try not to hang in the forums these days, but check in every now and then.

Peace

So please keep going...

God bless~

**Posts:** 137 · by **Broken stoner** » Sat Apr 11, 2015 1:50 am

Congrats to you Adam, here soon you will be through all of this! It's only going to get easier my friend you keep going! Never let them thoughts of relapse get to you an I know where you are coming from! Being clean for a year and not having anything positive come out of it is devastating! But you will I promise one day or another we will be normal again.

**Posts:** 104 · by **bvl** » Thu Apr 16, 2015 4:01 pm

Congratulations adamzapple26!
I'm just over the 3 year mark and everything got better. All I can say is that your worst day sober is still better than your best day high, so don't even think about smoking again.
Best of luck, hang in there!!

**Posts:** 543 · by **Salsa** » Thu Apr 16, 2015 5:40 pm

bvl, thank you for still being here for us.

**Posts:** 104 · by **bvl** » Thu Apr 16, 2015 6:56 pm

Hey salsa, how are you feeling by now?

**Posts:** 543 · by **Salsa** » Thu Apr 16, 2015 9:10 pm

Mah, still dealing with anxiety. I'm still getting panic attacks in some social situations, my vision is distorted and I feel like sh** most of the time. But it's better than it was. Almost 16 months without weed. I don't want to worry too much about these symptoms anymore. I got used to them. If they'll pass some day or if they won't - they are part of me. But I'm a better person in many ways then I was when I was still smoking.

**Posts:** 104 · by **bvl** » Fri Apr 17, 2015 7:51 am

I know what you mean. I was feeling the same when i was 16 months into recovery and my hope for feeling better was completely shattered.
Have patience, you can't do much to speed up the healing process. You still have a long road ahead but it will be worth it.

**Posts:** 331 · by **olskoolru** » Wed Jul 08, 2015 1:47 am

Listen to BVL. I'm at 2.5 years and am feeling awesome. Life took a major reroute.

At 1-2 years It was still a rollercoaster, but still better than 0-1.

Hang in there!

OSR

**Posts:** 294 · by **akash agarwal** » Tue May 03, 2016 1:07 pm

Bvl ..salsa this question for u ! I smoked for 2month only and i sufring with symptoms i m on day 47 ..and i just have depersonalization derealiztion and anxiety for few mins and dizziness in the evening...are u both 100% normal now?

**Posts:** 50 · by **Ihceik** » Thu May 05, 2016 12:46 pm

1 year 8 months in, feeling the same as you BVL. I have faith in what oldskoolru is saying and expect improved results in the months to come. At the moment, I'm mainly experiencing bouts of anxiety. I'm also still spaced out most of the time. I have faith it'll improve

**Posts:** 294 · by **akash agarwal** » Thu May 05, 2016 12:50 pm

Ihceik r u 100% fine now?? I mean i feel hell after 6pm ..extreme dizzyness ..Derliazioton depersonalization and axiety feels nervs m not spcial much..nd uncomfortable all the time..replyy

**Posts:** 50 · by **Ihceik** » Thu May 05, 2016 2:54 pm

No I'm not 100% fine. I still have a long road ahead of me (I'm thinking 2.5 - 3 years I'll be at 100%). Just taking it a day by day. But like I said in my previous post, I have faith it'll all get better. 7 years of weed abuse, 3 years of abstinence to reach "100%" sounds like a good trade off to me. I wish you luck on your journey. Keep fighting the good fight.

**Posts:** 294 · by **akash agarwal** » Thu May 05, 2016 3:30 pm

Thnks for reply i really appreciate for that ! I pray for u that u will be 100% fine soon ! I smoked weed just for 2 months half joint daily
..thats it nd now day 50 am ok but Dp Dr is der foggy mind...i hope i will be fine in more 1 year maybe complete fine?... :roll:

1 Year w/ PAWS

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