Interesting story...5months no weed.

#60

Postby 2yearquit » Fri Mar 02, 2018 4:00 am

Hi Tokes,

How are you feeling man? I hope a little better. I just wanted to reach out after having read some of your story and to hopefully give you a little encouragement . I am two and a half years quit after been a smoker for 13 years and my paws lasted for over 2 years. I really thought I had ruined my life forever and that I would never recover and honestly it's only now that I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel even though I have been quit for so long. My depression and feeling of hopelessness was so severe that I was pretty much incapacitated for the first 2 years unable to work or lead any sort of normal life. But for the last 6 months things are undoubtedly getting better dare I say returning to normal .I still have some bad days which can feel as severe as they were in the beginning but for the most part I'm feeling pretty optimistic about the future. I feel by the time I have reached 3 years clean I will be back to 100%. I know you are at the start of quitting again but things will get better just be patient I hope your experience is different to mine and your recovery time is a lot shorter but do not be discouraged If like me it takes over 2 years to recover the brain takes a long time to heal.
Godspeed my friend.
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#61

Postby tokes » Fri Mar 09, 2018 11:08 pm

So after being in the hospital last week after what i thought was a "panic attack" I am now able to reveal what happened...

I basically developed stress cardiomyopathy which is a temporary heart condition where the heart valves expand so much the heart is unable to pump around the body resulting in......heart failure and.......immediate death. So i was lucky i got out of it the way i did. The heart compensates for this lack of pressure with pumping faster in an attempt to try and get blood around the body...so it mimics a heart attack...i basically had a heart attack last week.

I feel like a new human being after this enlightening experience lol. The verdict is that this condition is temporary and weed smokers, especially young males, are very susceptible to this condition and are twice as likely to develop it than no smokers. I can never smoke again in fear of it coming back or happening again. The doctor says it clears up within a month and doesnt return unless you indulge in the trigger...which in my case is weed.

I am on day 10 now...but apart from being snappy and momentary feelings of depression...i feel fine. Today I am a bit headachey but that runs in my family, i wont contribute it entirely to PAWs.

It seems as of yet that this quit wont be half as bad as the last one. We will see though, maybe the symptoms will hit me in waves at a later date...as it usually does....but for now i am fine...i also have good friends so chilling with them makes me feel better aswell.. ..


Thanks for your post buddy and well done on the 2 year quit. I have heard that for some people it can take up to 2 years to fully recover, especially as you had abused it for over 10 years! Glad to know your getting your life back together and thanks for showing support.

Peace
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#62

Postby Wave » Sat Mar 10, 2018 7:52 am

tokes wrote:I feel like a new human being after this enlightening experience lol. The verdict is that this condition is temporary and weed smokers, especially young males, are very susceptible to this condition and are twice as likely to develop it than no smokers. I can never smoke again in fear of it coming back or happening again. The doctor says it clears up within a month and doesnt return unless you indulge in the trigger...which in my case is weed.


Firstly, sorry to hear about what happened to you, glad they have found out the reason and sounds like you have found some good motivation to quit. From the quits I have been through, mindset is so powerful and reminding yourself PAWs it temporary, just lasts months unfortunately last for a good few months.

tokes wrote:I am on day 10 now...but apart from being snappy and momentary feelings of depression...i feel fine. Today I am a bit headachey but that runs in my family, i wont contribute it entirely to PAWs.

It seems as of yet that this quit wont be half as bad as the last one. We will see though, maybe the symptoms will hit me in waves at a later date...as it usually does....but for now i am fine...i also have good friends so chilling with them makes me feel better aswell.. ..


Sounds like you have made a good start. Once you are 2 weeks in at least the immediate bit is done. Keep going and remember you learn so much from each quit and even if they failed, you are on the path to quitting and if you look at it in the bigger picture that lots of people that quit take 2,3 4+ attempts, you will eventually succeed if you keep in mind its worth it!
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#63

Postby neuroplastic » Sat Mar 10, 2018 4:58 pm

Wow, that is something ! I never knew smoking weed could lead to such reactions. Your body sent you a powerful message. Glad you chose to never touch weed again, you made it a very meaningful experience. All the best for the days ahead.
Cheers
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#64

Postby tokes » Mon Mar 12, 2018 1:03 pm

Day 13 of 2nd quit - 3am - heart racing - uncontrolable shaking - sweating profusely - freezing and clammy - felt like i was having heart attack again - ambulance called as i was going to faint - possible heart failure with current condition - must stay home and rest - i took the piss a bit and went out shopping and for a walk yesterday - the strain must have triggered it - terrible terrible experience.
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#65

Postby tokes » Tue Mar 20, 2018 11:00 am

Day 20 2nd quit - feel alright generally. I can focus, i can communicate properly, i feel emotionally stable, I am still mentally capable and physically to complete all my daily tasks. No real sign of PAWs. Heart condition was related to panic attacks and my ECG have returned to normal levels.

Only problem i could say i have is in the morning my body suddenly wakes up at 9 then struggles to go back to sleep and this is really annoying becuase sometimes I can sleep at 3 or 4 and would love to be able to sleep until 11 but my body just gets up and wants to stay up. This is probably something to do with the endocrine system and cortisol/fight/flight chemicals that are just rebalancing themselves without the dope.

Some low days but nothing managebale or comparable to what some people with PAWs are going through on here.

Generally ok touch wood.
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#66

Postby tokes » Tue Mar 27, 2018 11:52 pm

Day 28! Only a slight panic attack style feeling has come on twice but nothing like before!
Generally feel ok! Nothing abnormal or major to report but it seems everytime i write on here i get whacked in the face with a paws symptom or 2 so im actually trying to avoid writing here lol

anyway keep up the good work people its all worth it in the end!

Peace!!
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#67

Postby tokes » Sat May 05, 2018 4:31 pm

day 68 no weed

feel completely fine

the odd disruption with sleep in morning...wake up 3 or 4 times before waking up properly...but doesn't effect general day.

so to summarise this second quit has been completely fine with no real symptoms of PAWs apart from the odd day.

good luck to all

peace and strength
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#68

Postby Cali-Detroit » Sat May 05, 2018 10:11 pm

Hey Tokes,

Greetings from across the pond! (We're not all blithering that's over here, I promise! :lol:

Anyway, I've followed your story from the very beginning and what a ride. Very inspiring and it's helped give me hope. You've been on a journey and path I'm hoping to follow (the quitting for 1yr part) and I just hit 30 days yesterday. It's miserable and I'm struggling mightily with it, but your progress has inspired me. Glad to see you back on the path. If I may, I'd like to share a thought or two.

How desperately do I wish I had the balls to do this at your age. I spent 20 fkn years with this BS holding me back, all the while believing it was the most harmless thing in the world. From 18 to 38 years old...having a lovely wife and two beautiful children still didn't slow me down. I managed a few 6 month quits, but went right back to it until last month (4/4/18, last puffs). I was a very bright kid with loads of talent, but some mental health issues that held me back. Weed was my answer, and it did work, but it got away from me, and in a bad way. Suffice it say, I did NOT set the world on fire as I had dreamed I would. Hopes and dreams faded into puffs of blue-grey insanity, all while I languished into oblivious oblivion. This is reality. It is harsh and it is brutal and I must now own it. Time stops for no man and every little choice I made led me here.

Thankfully I have a loving wife, and a little boy and girl who adore me, so I ride on and roll forward with gratitude and grace, the best I can.

If I recall, you are what? Mid 20s? NOW is the time my brother, not in 5 years, not 10, absolutely, positively, immediately. Let this be done forever and never go back. I can't imagine what my life could have been, but I can't waste the present moment pining for days gone by. Your post at 1 year clean said it all, and that's the goal. Take care and I'll be checking in regular
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#69

Postby tokes » Sun May 06, 2018 12:32 pm

Cali-Detroit wrote:Hey Tokes,

Greetings from across the pond! (We're not all blithering that's over here, I promise! :lol:

Anyway, I've followed your story from the very beginning and what a ride. Very inspiring and it's helped give me hope. You've been on a journey and path I'm hoping to follow (the quitting for 1yr part) and I just hit 30 days yesterday. It's miserable and I'm struggling mightily with it, but your progress has inspired me. Glad to see you back on the path. If I may, I'd like to share a thought or two.

How desperately do I wish I had the balls to do this at your age. I spent 20 fkn years with this BS holding me back, all the while believing it was the most harmless thing in the world. From 18 to 38 years old...having a lovely wife and two beautiful children still didn't slow me down. I managed a few 6 month quits, but went right back to it until last month (4/4/18, last puffs). I was a very bright kid with loads of talent, but some mental health issues that held me back. Weed was my answer, and it did work, but it got away from me, and in a bad way. Suffice it say, I did NOT set the world on fire as I had dreamed I would. Hopes and dreams faded into puffs of blue-grey insanity, all while I languished into oblivious oblivion. This is reality. It is harsh and it is brutal and I must now own it. Time stops for no man and every little choice I made led me here.

Thankfully I have a loving wife, and a little boy and girl who adore me, so I ride on and roll forward with gratitude and grace, the best I can.

If I recall, you are what? Mid 20s? NOW is the time my brother, not in 5 years, not 10, absolutely, positively, immediately. Let this be done forever and never go back. I can't imagine what my life could have been, but I can't waste the present moment pining for days gone by. Your post at 1 year clean said it all, and that's the goal. Take care and I'll be checking in regular


I consider my self fairly distant and emotionally in control but this post almost made me shed a tear. It's so beautiful and wonderful to know that people have been following from the start and that my posts have been helping people to progress with their own quit.

Your message has further strengthened my resolve in this current quitting phase. To be fair, I think I am lucky because having that heart attack thing and being in an ambulance in hospital is enough for any person to stop any drug...it was truly frightening and it is something I would never want to experience again.

I have finished all my essays and now I just have 3 exams to conquer and I would have finished my first year at university!

This summer I will take a CELTA course to further my teaching career.

I completely resonate with your early adult years, being some-what bright minded, quick witted and talented...but with the baggage of some mental instability...which like many people on here was self-medicated with weed...those attributes evaporated..like you said..in the clouds of weed smoke.

I am so happy you have a wife and kids which are your cornerstones of motivation to continue into a new chapter of life. I guess more people are quitting at my age, as opposed to yours, simply because the weed is just so powerful now, I don't think anyone can deal with it! Average THC levels are going up and up and up...without it being balanced by ratio with CBD.

Well done on the 30 days. Life gets better and there is always light at the end of the tunnel. The brain in fact yearns and strives for balance and thats why you will get up and down days as the brain realigns itself. Its called brain elasticity and it can always return to more of a balanced/natural state even after 10-15 years of abuse.

As you can see on here there are many members in a similar situation to you; have a family, been smoking for 10+ years and have been able to return to their former selves. You owe it not only to yourself, but also to your mind, body, soul and family..which are all connected in this experience we call life.

Thank you for following and taking the time to write such a positive message.

Peace
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#70

Postby Cali-Detroit » Mon May 07, 2018 6:03 am

First off, congratulations on your achievements with your schooling. It sounds as if you've find a genuine calling in teaching, and what a wonderful gift to give to the world.

I'm glad I was able to connect with you. As you said we are all connected in this world. As my younger sister says, we are all in this together, in more ways than we could possibly know.

Thank you for your encouragement and for reminding me how the brain responds to all this. I find it easier to process when I can focus on some hard data and step outside of the emotional roller coaster that is this ride. Someone further up mentioned 2+ years before all neural connections are healed, and after 20 years, I may be in for that long, hard road. But I'm eager to see that person I so vaguely remember, or at least the best version of this current form. I believe we CAN most certainly get our sharpness and intellect back on track, and no longer have to mourn the loss of something that may well be not be permanent after all. Many studies show that this IS possible, and even more anecdotal evidence from people like us who have hit the 2, 3, 5, 10+ years mark clean and free. It CAN be done, you yourself are proof of this.

My 6 months was really not much in the scope of things, but I'll tell you, it did in fact prove to me that if I can go that far, I can surely take it further. We got this, there is no doubt. The reasons are unique to our respective selves, but no less powerful and most certainly worth it. Take good care and keep setting the example. You're affecting lives that you'll never know about, but believe me, it's happening in a very real way and it's a contribution that is priceless.
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#71

Postby tokes » Mon May 14, 2018 12:17 am

Something I’ve forgot to mention...due to me not think it was a big deal or going to be a big deal at the time...but I’ve basically been taking non-prescribed Xanax (street Xanax) on a recreational basis. I’ve taken about 10 spread over 2 weeks and always mixed with alcohol and wow.....what a huge f***ing mistake.

Today is Sunday and the last time I took Xanax was Monday. These last 6 days have been filled with depression, panic attacks and anxiety. Along side with intense HD dreaming causing me to wake up about 8-10 time during the night. I would go back to sleep and continue the dream/nightmare right where I left off. It got to the point a few times where I would just stay awake from 5 because I didn’t wanna re-enter the dream. I was hunting terrorists last night in the desert lol.

I feared I would have a seizure which is a side effect of quitting benzos cold turkey. This fear would onset physical panic and I would then start having a panic attack. But I can control them and start doing breathing exercises and yoga to try and calm down. I didn’t know the odd recreational use would do anything but boy was I wrong. I am never touching that stuff again. If you do need Xanax it must be under the guidance of a medical professional...these are not a happy-go-lucky party scene drug that musicians seem to promote it as. Today I feel back to my usual self and hopefully I’ll get a decent night sleep tonight as I have exams this week and really need to focus.

It was a stupid mistake Ill never repeat.
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#72

Postby tokes » Tue Jul 10, 2018 1:12 pm

I think I should summarise my quit journal to make the reading and understanding slightly better.

2008 - secondary school is finished and start smoking in summer time
2009 - smoking in college
2010 - almost daily use (grades drop dramatically, behaviour begins to change, anti-social and difficult)
2011 - 2013 intense daily use while at university (depression and mood disorders, depersonalisation, lack of motivation, dreams and nightmares)
2014 - kicked out of university and move to Australia for one year work and travel
2014 - all of my illnesses epitomise in a singular devouring force that takes over all of my cognitive function, ability to function, work or be normal in many situations. End up getting arrested and sent to jail for a couple weeks.
2015 - realise weed is not for me after the negative impact of the last 7 years. begin my first quit in Turkey.
2016 - after 1.5 year weed free (after breaking up with gf and breaking my arm) start smoking occasionally at weekends and days off.
2016-17 - very functional person, was able to achieve so much in my career of teaching, very social no outward signs of any issues.
2017-18 - Start a prestigious university in England. smoking occasionally and often daily makes me look ugly. Didn't like the way it made me feel anymore. Had a massive panic attack in March. Stop smoking completely.

March 2018 - July 2018 - weed free and it will stay that way. I have had multiple panic attacks since that day and they are certainly no joke.

To summarise, it seems that in 2017-18 I was smoking quite a bit without anyone knowing and I was still functioning while furthering myself with my goals and my career. I was almost in this blissfull way of life where I could smoke and basically feel 0 side effects from or craving. I thought I had battled with the beast of marijuana and won, but in fact I hadn't. Instead of the symptoms showing themselves gradually over a space of time, daily or weekly, the symptoms instead decided to stay hidden - giving me this complete false sense of security where I could smoke without consequence - only for them all to explode at once in a massive panic attack that left me in hospital.

This time I quit for good knowing that I CANT go back. There is actually something physically stopping me. If I smoke...it feels like i'm going to die. So i'm kind of glad that, in that respect, that something is physically holding me back.

Anyway I have passed my first year of uni and await for the second! All is well, aside from the odd anxiety attack which is slightly different from a panic attack, but much more manageable.

Thanks to all that have read thus far, and if you have any questions please leave a comment and I will be happy to respond!

Peace
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#73

Postby tokes » Wed Oct 24, 2018 4:20 pm

Wow...so what a journey this has been so far.

The last post is only a very brief summary. The last time i posted was in July and now it is october. My latest quit was in March after a MAJOR panic attack. So its been 7 months since I touched the herb.

Mentally - fine - no degradation or brain fog or mental incapabilities. However my focus is absolutely terrible but hopefully this will improve.

Physically - absolutely balooned. i've put on 8 kilos since March no matter how much exercise I do. I eat less and eat healthy but to no avail. This is all due to this panic order i've developed due to the weed. When it a state of constant stress caused by panic disorder the body holds onto cortisol which in turns makes the body hold onto fat.

Heart - heart palpitations have lessened. Day by day they are slowly dissappearing. I've had them for so long now it feels weird without it..then i panic and think my heart is stopping when really its not its just not palpitating which ive got so accustomed to now.

I've had a few panic attacks since my last post but i'm able to mentally overcome now realising there isnt actually anything wrong with my heart. So theyre not as bad. I now avoid coffee and meat but cant stay away from the alcohol and cigarrettes which do exascerbate feelings of panic.

However, with this being said health is generally fine and hopefully when i reach the one year mark again all these minor health distrubances will subside and i can get back to being my fit former self.

Thanks for reading

tokes
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#74

Postby soulvice » Tue Dec 18, 2018 6:28 am

Hi Tokes,

You said you started smoking around high school, I was the same around 17 I started, maybe a total of 4 years-ish with somewhat frequent smoking.

I wanted to ask you about that 2014 time when you said you were at your worst essentially. What was your functioning like? Your memory, DP etc?

I've been through 2 recoveries and on my 3rd. The DP is quite bad but mainly the memory is shocking. I feel like I can't concentrate on anything for more than 15-20 seconds and i almost forget where I am and have to keep refreshing what I'm doing. And I can usually only just remember what I ate today and rarely yesterday etc. This makes work, socialising etc near impossible as I can't hold converstions down. I play music but can't really anymore due to my time perception and memory being off.

Could you describe where you were at your worst and subsequently where you were at your best?

Cheers
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