10 Months Cannabis Free

Postby NateTGreat » Thu Apr 16, 2015 7:49 pm

Hello again Everybody,

My journey to normalcy has been long and painful. I am far from out of the cave, and actually I must say that things seem to have gotten worse. Don't get me wrong, I have seen improvement in some ways, but in other actually frightening ways, things have taken a turn for the worse. It would seem that the symptoms of PAWS have changed somewhat for me. I would like to briefly document my case as of now so that others can extract a viable comparison to their symptoms of recovery, as well as give me feed back as to if they went through similar issues at this point in their recovery. My apologizes if this is too long-winded.

HISTORY
: I am 37 years old, and have been clean from cannabis for 10 complete months now. I have been sober from alcohol for 3 years and 4 months, and I never used tobacco or other hard drugs. I do not take any prescription meds for my PAWS, nor have I ever been diagnosed with anything remotely resembling anxiety disorder, depression, or any thing else that I am currently facing.

My cannabis use dates back to 20 years ago. I mainly smoked midgrade for the first 10 years of my use and it was usually no more than 3 -4 times a week. Around 2005 I picked up smoking full-time and began using virtually every day, usually multiple times a day. Over the last 5 years of my using, I began vaporizing multiple times daily. The potency of the product was usually very high. The last 2 years of my use I pretty much strictly vaporized flowers as well as bubble hash, dabs, and/or oil concentrates. The last 4 months of my using I began having frightening anxiety and nocturnal panic attacks. Until, I finally had the worst panic attack of my life which ultimately drove me to never touch the stuff again. I rarely have a craving for it at all, and I have gone through the worst year of my life because of it.

SYMPTOMS THAT HAVE IMPROVED(knock on wood)

ANXIETY/PANIC: Though I definitely get the occasional surge of anxiety and panic from time to time, it is no where near the degree of the first few months of my quit. I also haven't had a serious nocturnal panic attack for over 2 months and that one was even mild. During the first 2 months of quit, I would literally be afraid to go to bed each night, as I would almost always wake up in a horrid panic, gasping for air and feeling like I was going to faint, or die.

MOOD: Overall I would say that my irritability and anger has mostly subsided. I no longer lose control of my temper and let out all my frustration. I feel more in control of my emotions most of the time, though I still do find myself very discouraged by my physical symptoms.

INSOMNIA: I don't sleep great yet, but it is way better than the first 6 months. I'd say I get about 7 hours of sleep a night and wake up maybe 3 times a night tops. I usually feel fairly rested upon waking though once I start my routine, all the nasty symptoms start to return.

PAIN: Overall, the random aches and pains, some very severe, have seem to have all but disappeared. I still get the occasional headache or neck pains, but no where near the severity they were for the first 6 months.

[/u]NEUROPATHY: This was one of the scarier symptoms that slowly went away. The first 6 months I was plagued with numbness and pins and needles that would randomly come and go in my arms, legs, fingers, and toes. I still get a little numbness from time to time on my fingers or toes, but it is short-lived and very seldom now.

HEART PALPITATIONS: These were very abundant during the first 6 months of my quit. I actually endured over 10 episodes of atrial fibrillation during the past 10 months, more than I've ever experienced before. I take 225mg of Rythmol when I feel my heart skipping around and am usually back to sinus rhythm within 3 hours. Overall, the frequency of my palpitations have decreased significantly which is good as this is also one of the more scarier components of PAWS.

To reiterate, I believe that most all symptoms of PAWS are anxiety driven. And to be clear this is an anxiety that exists due to a monumental healing process that one's brain is undergoing to get back to 'normal'.

WHAT HAS CHANGED OR GOTTEN WORSE

DEPRESSION: Though I am no longer on edge as much as I used to be, I seem to have gone the other direction. It is true I went through many serious bouts of depression this past winter dealing with all this, but it usually only lasted a week tops. I have now been in a depressive mind set for pretty much the past month straight. Part may be psychological as enduring this PAWS nonsense has really taken its toll, but I also believe that I've hit some kind of chemical low where I just can't seem to find pleasure in anything. I am fake smiling, laughing and living. Nothing seems to be worth it anymore, and everything seems like a monumental chore. Which brings me to my next symptom.

FATIGUE & DP/DR: For moths 3-8 I was going to the gym, some days reluctantly as I felt it was the best medicine to heal my broken brain and body. And I felt that it was working. However, this past month I have been overcome with fatigue which I have not experienced in this process. It is almost to the point where I have to stop working out as I feel faint and like I'm about to pass out. This symptom goes hand in hand with the depersonalization and derealization, as I feel these more strongly than ever too. It is almost daily that I am feeling completely spaced out and foggy, looking through glossy eyes and white haze. My head usually is buzzing and/or hot, and I feel like I'm carrying marbles in my skull at all times.

DIZZINESS: This symptom I feel was getting better but alas has seemed to taken on a new form. It as though I'm in motion, even sitting still. It comes and goes, but can last anywhere from an hour to a day. It really hasn't consistently gotten better since I quit.

Overall I want to say that I'm getting better, but I really don't know for sure. I still fear that something is seriously wrong, though I've seen virtually every doctor, and everything checks out fine. This past month especially has been one of the worst. I only have hope that things have to get bad before they get really good? Morning time is always the worst. Usually by around 5 pm I am starting to feel a little better, and then by 8pm it as though I almost feel half way normal. My symptoms cant literally change from hour to hour and I essentially feel like I've had little to no breaks from the suffering for this entire month. I pray and hope each day that I am recovering, but lately I feel defeated. I hope this may help others understand a little what they are going through, and that we are all free of this soon enough.

Peace and love to all.
NateTGreat
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#1

Postby Salsa » Thu Apr 16, 2015 9:02 pm

I love reading stories like this. Man, you are going through the exact same thing I went and still go to some degree. Our symptoms are so much similar. I believe everything you wrote is anxiety related. Dizziness, fatigue, feeling faint during a workout etc. I know this so much. Depression is only a consequence of this stupid anxiety and the toll it has on our lives. Who wouldn't be depressed if he had all these symptoms? I really wish you all the best. You are very brave and strong. You've gone through a lot of stuff.

Really nice post!
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#2

Postby nickm30250 » Thu Apr 16, 2015 10:21 pm

I'm on day 2 after quitting cannabis concentrates. I've been reading all over the place for help and finally after coming across your post I don't feel alone! I feel every one of those symptoms right now to the max. I quit cold turkey after an altercation with old family friends left me crippled emotionally. I'm rooting for yyou man.
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#3

Postby NateTGreat » Fri Apr 17, 2015 1:52 pm

Thanks for the replies, Salsa and Nick.

I have followed you since I joined the forum, Salsa, and always believed we had very similar issues with PAWS. I am glad to hear that you seem to be getting a little better, as I'm probably in store for the same recovery timeline. Your testimonies really have given me much strength through it all.

Nick, not to be negative, but you should be prepared for a long road to full recovery. Things will slowly get better, but if it is anything like what I experienced, the first 2 months will be very trying. As you've probably gathered from others on this forum, a year's time may be just the beginning to feeling normal.Take special care of yourself, and get help from support groups or doctors. Just having someone to talk to can go a long way to feeling better.

All the best!
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#4

Postby Mindtrix » Fri Apr 17, 2015 11:54 pm

Hey Nate man. I just registered, been reading this forum actively since I quit weed (been 11 months almost). I really felt the urge to post since I identify with literally everything you just described. It really could as well have been me writing that. Please keep on fighting and keep on posting, I truly feel your struggle. I will reply more thouroghly in a couple of days describing my situation which I think you might identify with alot. Peace bro
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#5

Postby tokes » Sat Apr 18, 2015 11:00 pm

İ also have a thread here but I mainly
talked about my life story and how cannabis effected my life and.I.didn't go into great depths about my feelings.or symptoms. Mostly due to the fact i find it.difficult to put into exact words how i feel but after reading your clear and coherent description i can honestly say that is 100% how i feel on a day to day basis with the odd blissful period that can last anywhere from 1 hour to one week. Try 5Htp via the solar brand. its a natural amino acid that helps the brain restore a balance level of serotonin. A chemical which cannabis exhausts in the brain. I have found this to be unbelievably helpful. If it makes drowsy during the day then you can take at night. It also helps build melatonin which is a chemical which regulates good sleep. 5Htp has really helped me come out of depths of places I am often dragged down to by this paws nonsense.

I am 5.5 months in and I work as a English teacher for foreign students ranging all ages. Ive some.how miraculously soldiered through it despite being new to this type of work and not knowing much. we have a sstaff room office and everyone is smiley, happy and always saying "how are you?" to each other. I hear it 6 times a day everyday apart from Friday. I can't say "well actually I'm depressed, i have brain fog, regular headaches, poor sleep, rarely receive pleasure from any daily social activities and I hate life"....instead i play along make myself seem fine and independent of any problems.
Its an an
r side with life.seeming as an pleasurable chore. I am a teacher in a foreign language
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#6

Postby tokes » Sat Apr 18, 2015 11:03 pm

Sorry for bad grammar & punctuation; im on a small foreign phone will post tomorrow.when i.have pc access.
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#7

Postby Anthonee » Thu Apr 28, 2016 3:56 am

I Have been Googling Everything I can find and reading I am on DAY 2 Dying over here I don't know what else to do I really REALLY REALLY wish I could message someone my number and actually talk to them it is scary as Hell the thoughts that run through my Head ....The Ripple Wave of Emotions I Have never Cried this much in my life either its like a RollerCoaster of different feelings is there anything that helps....
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#8

Postby bpn21 » Sun Aug 28, 2016 3:49 am

Hey Nate, I know it's been a while since you've posted, but I had a question for you. Of all the stories I've read on here your symptoms are on par with mine. I'm on my 6th month and it has been the toughest month so far, probably tougher than the first honestly.

So you mentioned before about the fatigue and not being able to workout/exercise. I'm going through the same thing, have been super drained to the point of exhaustiveness everyday...Muscle aches, loss of appetite.

Was your experience similar to this and if so did it ever alleviate? I was doing ok with paws but now this has started and its really just making everything worse.
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#9

Postby netty28661 » Mon Aug 29, 2016 11:41 am

Hi bpn,
I was probably at my worst at 6 months through to the 1 year mark with everything from what you describe through to depression/stress/anxiety. I literally dragged myself to the gym but some days could do absolutely nothing. I had so many aches & pains - I almost decided to get a new mattress even though the 1 I had was new, when I woke up on my side I felt like I'd been sat on.
Top & bottom is it was all part of withdrawal. I'm absolutely fine now, I quit 4 years ago. It took a good year then I was still noticing improvements through my second year. It is the best thing you will do.
I posted on here right through my quit.

Jannette
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