I let people and my social interactions make me doubt myself

#15

Postby navi-thejedimaster » Sat Jun 27, 2015 1:32 pm

I doubt myself and don't like myself as much.


In my experience and readings, confidence, much like many aspects of our lives, fluctuates all the time. There are many factors that will affect this, causing a high or a low and the key here is not to control it. Let that feeling of a lack of confidence be and acknowledge it but examine it thoroughly.

These feelings are usually never without cause so it is up to us to find out why that is. Maybe there was a "trigger" event that reminded us of a past experience, and without our knowing, has caused us a lot of discomfort. Or perhaps there are unresolved issues, both recent and deep past, that needs processing. Whatever it is, journal-writing is very helpful (at least in my experience).

I personally struggled with this for a majority of my college days, and therapy and like I said, journal-writing, helped a lot. In fact, I don't think I'm the same person anymore. However, if I'm honest, I still get shaken and tested from time to time but never to the same intensity.

I should say that there is no miracle solution though as different methods work for different people. We just have to find what works and keep a positive outlook (no matter how hard that can be).

Hope that makes sense and helps :D
navi-thejedimaster
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#16

Postby JoelK » Fri Jul 03, 2015 1:06 pm

Sweetypie wrote:Hello everyone,

I am new here. I find that I am on a pathway to becoming more confident again. I know deep inside that I am ok as a person but somehow I let other people make me feel bad about myself! I let them make me doubt my abilities and me as a person.

I don't know how to stop this. Does anyone have any advice?

My confidence is somehow dependant on my relationships and social interactions with people. I place high importance on these going well. And if I feel that it doesn't, I doubt myself and don't like myself as much.

That seems to be holding me back in achieving full confidence in myself and it is stopping me from really living life.


Hello,

I'm new here as well. Kinda late to the party, so I hope you'll still read this.

Glad to hear you're on your path to more confidence and self-esteem. And great job on being able to pinpoint which feelings are not up to par. Establishing a baseline is a very important step, so you know what to work on.

Self-esteem is a very tricky thing to increase, but with hard work it's definitely doable. What makes it tricky is that it's not as simple as low versus high self-esteem. There are so many ways of defining, dissecting and explaining self-esteem. The way you describe yourself makes it seem like you have unstable high self-esteem.

This kind of self-esteem is characterized by having high self-esteem (you said that deep down inside you know you're an 'ok' person), but with very fragile feelings of self-worth. This fragility makes you very sensitive to what other people think about you (both positive and negative).

The opposite is secure/stable high self-esteem. This is most likely what you're striving towards. People with this kind of self-esteem don't just like who they are, but they accept who they are wholly (faults and all). That makes their feelings of self-worth secure enough to not feel the need to protect themselves from external threats to their self-esteem.

Sadly, there's no quick fix when it comes to self-esteem. Why? Because self-esteem is based on a large pool of experiences. Both your conscious and unconscious self-esteem are based on it. So, if it's mostly the social side of life that makes you feel bad, it's time to surround yourself with other people. People who's support and love isn't contingent. People who actually add value to your life.

Hope this helps.
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