My Mother and i have just don't get along

#45

Postby srebak25 » Fri Feb 19, 2016 3:56 am

Well, things have finally come to their breaking point

On the morning of 18th of February, after an issue with both my dog and my mother's dog, my mother went into a lengthy discussion about how my dog basically brought some of the issues he has on himself and how he's a pretty bad dog in general. I've become a accustomed to how badly my mother thinks of my dog by now, but, then the discussion became more about how i don't do enough around the house and how i don't show her dog enough affection. This felt so out of nowhere and uncalled for i just couldn't let me feelings about it go unsaid. So i sent her an e-mail explaining how i felt, but, then she replied with an e-mail that only confirmed that she meant the subtle insults that i heard in her words. I sent a second e-mail to confirm what i meant, but, then she replied with another that made it clear that she felt no remorse about the insult i took with her words.

I tried one more time to explain why i took insult with her words and made it clear that it's because i won't change my ways or how i do things just because someone insulted me or yelled at me. Then, i took the opportunity to point out to her that i shouldn't have to listen to her lectures about something, while she dismisses my attempts to explain myself as making excuses, that just doesn't seem fair. But afterwards, my mother just came to my bedroom door and started yelling at me about how i think i'm her equal, about how i don't see her as my mother and about how i think i shouldn't have to listen to her. Then, she said that i need to leave and then told me to basically get ready to move out, that she's done talking to me. I was at a loss for words for a while, but i felt that i should make preparations. I started packing and ordered a few things i might need for the move on Ebay.

But, still, I felt the need to at least try to smooth things over, so i sent her another e-mail, one that even stated that my dislike for being talked to badly probably stems from a trait inherited from her. Unfortunately, her response showed that she was not only still mad, but, she still meant all of the nasty things she said to me. She even said that mothers can say hurtful thing to get their children to do the right thing even if it hurts them but in the long run it will help them. That just doesn't seem right, she's basically saying that she's the innocent party here and she's not. She then began to point out reasons why i'm selfish and stupid, I'M NOT SELFISH OR STUPID!!! Then she played the whole "you think you know everything" card and even said that i didn't inherit the aforementioned trait from her, because "she would send an e-mail like that". No, she just insults me and doesn't care what psychological effect it has me. I'm not ready to live on my own yet, regardless of my age, so, i was reduced to asking if there was anything to be done about this, anything at all. She said that she needs time to think, but, that's clearly no guarantee, which means I'm likely still on my way out.

I wanted this to stop before it's too late at first, but, now I'm so sure i can live like this anymore. I can't keep absorbing my mother's insults and not be allowed to respond to them. I can't keep putting up with her harsh words, with her refusing to see how much pain they cause me, or worse; her believing that she's done everything right with me in that regard. I can't live like this anymore!!! Maybe it is best that i leave, i might end up on the streets with everything i once had gone, but, at least I'll be free of her and her insults for good.
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#46

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Fri Feb 19, 2016 4:39 am

srebak25 wrote:The sad part of it is, i want to move out, i want to have a place of my own so that i won't have to deal with her anymore, but, i still require her for certain necessities. Necessities that i am still too low on funds to get myself. I don't dare wish for her death though, since, if that happened, I'm not sure what i would do. Still, though, her attitude is becoming harder and harder to live with.


The above quote is from June of last year.

The absolute most motherly thing your mother could do is have you move out.

The absolute best daughterly thing you could do is move out.
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#47

Postby WonderGurl » Fri Feb 19, 2016 11:53 am

The friction seems to be deep-seated. It may be time to accept that you and your mother are very different people and gain some distance. You don't have to react to how your mother is towards you. I know it's easier said than done, and so long you engage with her on a deeply emotional level, it's going to be hard for you to respond instead of reacting.

One thing is certain: you cannot make your mother see your point of view. What you say to her when you feel upset by her, she probably takes as a personal attack from you and a huge criticism. So, she digs in her heels and gets defensive, or if she feels you seriously crossed her, offensive. If you want to improve your relationship with your mother, you need to find a more diplomatic way to approach her in order to connect with her.
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#48

Postby Pulockhalder » Sun Feb 21, 2016 5:23 pm

After this post at my own feeling is bitrary.If you need.to go somewhere for studies or whatever
That is OK,
But i don't think running away from is a good idea
The problem is that parents feel responsible to correct their kids and unconsciously may hurt them
And hurt, create hate
Now you are hating your parent
But we can change how we feel about someone
By simply having some good times with
By simply relaxing together
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#49

Postby estatistics » Wed Mar 02, 2016 2:30 pm

Personally, i had also many issues with my mother!

Even i cannot describe so many years in few words,
what worked on me was to do things that i enjoy, to take a distance from my mother, to enjoy studies, or work, to find new friends, to do new things like gym. mat personal pilates help a lot.
Also, note, that most relationships crculate over and over in very specific objects.

That is, you may do a list on the core types of your disagreements, with your mother. Then try to categorize, or find a trend! You will see that this trend is very specific!

So, when the next time you talk with your mother, change your body posture (if you have your arms very close to your body, open them), your tone (if you speak high, speak lower, and vice
versa), as well, change the topic you talk to your mother.

Nect time try to observe intellectually, your emotions, as well to predict her reaction. Then somethign unexpected, entirely! jump, dance with her! Dont get angry with her! Dont let yourself get angry with her! Observe her reaction! Both will have fun!

sincerely,
Elias "Estatistics" Tsolis
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The above opinion is only my subjective personal opinion / experience - and it is not a professional or scientific opinion.
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My Bsc was on Psychology and a Msc in Org. Psychology.
Also My hobbies: I Like Music and I do an analysis to music rythm.
Also, I like to analyze my dreams. I have made a theory on this.
I like Online Learning in Coursera (you may find me as Estatistics).
Moreover, I like Statistics (thus i do statistical analysis)
My ResearcherID is A-1480-2016 and my related ORCHID is 0000-0003-3426-9393.
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#50

Postby avpol » Wed Mar 02, 2016 9:49 pm

My advice is: do EVERYTHING to move out. Otherwise, your WHOLE LIFE can be spoiled.
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#51

Postby prololies » Fri Apr 01, 2016 8:23 am

Try to go out with her sometime and talk about the things you both like to do. Maybe suggest a family trip to bond with each other as a family will help. Also, you could try telling her how you feel, just ask her if you guys can talk for a moment because if you don't, the problem will not be solved
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