I don't know what direction my life is going, if any at all.

Postby TheSmiths1994 » Mon Jun 22, 2015 7:40 pm

This may be all over the place, so I apologize in advance.... I'm a twenty year old guy, I have a high school diploma (but a low gpa because of the anxiety and depression I went through during my high school years), but I do have a good iq. The problem is, I don't have a drivers license (which is a necessity where I'm from in America), a job, a girlfriend, or any drive towards life in general. I know what I like and am interested in (Wanting to learn German, and love indie/alternative music and singing), but I have zero idea what I want to do with my life. I've battled anxiety off and on for about five years now which is controlled through medicine, but I'm tired of being too nervous to do things, though I can't really help it. I've tried therapy but I understand it's the therapists job to agree with basically anything that I ramble on about, so I stopped going. I've never been suicidal, and I was never a problem child, it's just that I don't know what I want to do with my life. I like to make people feel good about themselves, but I don't talk to that many people because I'm self conscious about my mentality and the people around me. I have a very supportive family which helps, but I've never had a friend that would do anything for me, even though I would help them if I could. To be fair, I really don't consider my small group of "friends", friends at all. As sad as it may seem, I just like to hang out with them to get out of the house, (which doesn't happen a lot). If I had to say what I want to do with my life, I would like to learn fluent German, study history (mainly WWII in Europe which is my favorite subject on the planet), be in a band or do something that's fun and makes me happy while having a loving/supportive friend base, and go to England and Germany because I love to culture of both countries, and my ancestry goes back to the UK. I love British shows, music, and movies just as I love the German language and people. Another main problem is that I don;t like being around a lot of people because I don't consider myself a regular person. I'm always too nervous to be by myself in places, and I'm always nervous about new things, but I want this to change! I'm not in to weed, drinking, and partying. If I could, I would just hang out with friends in town, and just laugh and talk about anything all day. In North Carolina (where I'm from), there isn't a high percentage of anyone that I can relate to around me and on top of that most everyone is very Christian (which I don't believe in like my family, though I'm more agnostic than anything else). I really would like to have a girlfriend, but I haven't had a girlfriend since I was 15, and even then I didn't really try too hard at dating anyone. However, I'm not the type of person to try and date a lot, the next relationship I have I want to be serious. So all in all, I need a job but I can't imagine myself working 9-5 every day for the rest of my life and I basically refuse to live my life that miserably. I want to do something that makes me happy, and I want to learn German, get a girlfriend, and find a friend or friends that actually care about me as I care about them. I don't know what I want in life, and I've never posted on one of these sites before, but I figure it's worth a shot.
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Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Jun 22, 2015 10:45 pm

The issue is simple. You are WAY WAY WAY overthinking things.

What are you going to do TOMORROW, that will make your life better? Learn 10 new german words, read a new book about WWII?

In spending so much time overthinking, trying to determine where you will be 20 years from now, you are failing to live tomorrow. Based on everything you wrote, it sounds like you have a pretty good idea of what you want to do. You wrote some pretty specific things. Learn german, learn about WWII, get a girlfriend and some close friends. You act as if those things are complex or confusing concepts...why?

Shorten your focus. Plan for tomorrow and the next week. Control the things you can and stop worrying about those things you can't control. The future will unfold based on what you DO, not what you think about. It seems like have some really good ideas about what you want to DO, so what is stopping you from doing them other than you thinking so far into the future that it is paralyzing you?
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Postby TheSmiths1994 » Tue Jun 23, 2015 1:04 am

That's exactly what I needed! Thank you, I guess I do overthink. I've been told that I think too much, but I don't know, I guess since I have so much time on my hands that I have time to think. As a matter of fact, I'm sure that's what is the main cause of my mental state. I'm getting my license soon, so maybe that will help me.
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Postby ahung » Tue Jun 23, 2015 5:57 am

I'm also learning German, and find that when I try and think in a foreign language, my thoughts almost never wander into questions of existential crises and loss of meaning. Maybe it's because I'm not fluent enough in German to think of such things (I'm probably struggling with grammar). I find an almost child-like innocence in my thought - a sort of freedom from self-inflicted mental knots- when I study languages, and it provides a reprieve from my relentless anxiety about meaning, life direction, etc.

As someone said, happiness (and perhaps meaning, too) is like a butterfly. Try and chase it, and it'll forever be beyond your grasp. But sit quietly, and it may alight upon your shoulder.

If you have a similar experience, then immersing yourself in a new culture and language would definitely help reduce some of the anxiety you've described.
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Postby c19h » Sun Jun 28, 2015 8:16 am

As they say, life happens when you're making plans. First, realize that basically no one knows what they're doing. No one can know what's going to happen tomorrow and next year, etc. You need to accept it and be content with what you have today. This does of course not mean that you shouldn't work today so that you have the results tomorrow. :) Second, check out the 2005 commencement speech by Steve Jobs. I know it's a bit cliched, but it is quite powerful. Basically what he says is that you should take action today and you will find your "meaning", but you don't have to know what that is just yet.
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