How can I forgive myself?

Postby someday-we-fly » Sun Jun 28, 2015 5:01 am

I am 14 years old, and for the past year, I suffered from Anorexia Nervosa.
I'm getting better now. I've gained most of my weight and I've been trying to keep a positive attitude.
I was doing really well for a month or two, but after something that happened at school, I fell back into negativity.
I am still eating and I am determined to keep on eating well, but the problem is that I can't seem to forgive myself.

For what?
For anorexia.

It's my fault I got anorexia, and I can't seem to run away or hide from that fact. It haunts me everyday, because I did that to myself. I ruined myself. I don't have my period anymore, and I feel like I might never get it back. It's all my fault. I killed that happy little kid that I once was. Now, I'm nothing, and I can't forgive myself for what I've done. I just can't, but I know I need to.

I've tried to tell myself that it's not my fault that I ended up like this, but I know it is. If I wasn't so emotional, I could have been okay.

I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so lost. I feel like I am overreacting, but the guilt constantly nags me and I can't make it stop. All I want is to be happy again.

Has anyone else experienced this? What can I do? How can I be happy?
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Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sun Jun 28, 2015 3:03 pm

someday-we-fly wrote:I am 14 years old... the problem is that I can't seem to forgive myself.

Hi someday,

This is a good age for you to start thinking about an important question in life. How can you move forward in life after making a bad decision? Think about it. In life, we all make some really, really bad decisions at times. From choices about our health, career, relationships, there is basically no way to navigate life without making at least a handful of really bad choices.

At 14, I guarantee you have more bad choices in your future. But, don't fear bad choices. Of course you do want to try your best to avoid them, of course you want to make great choices in life, but for those few times in life when you do make a bad choice, how will you forgive yourself?

My answer, is the easiest way to forgive yourself is to own your decisions in life. It sounds like when it comes to anorexia you have done a good job of owning that decision. It is very mature for a 14 year old to accept responsibility and not look for reasons to explain or defend a bad choice.

The next step, which is where you are in this process is to take some time to reflect, think about and learn from the decision. Learn from all your decisions. Learning allows you to forgive yourself. Learning takes the lessons of the past and makes you a stronger, wiser person better equipped to conquer the world moving forward. Because of what you have learned about your body at the age of 14, what great things might you accomplish in the future because at such a young age you learned how to deal with adversity?

All of us fail sometimes to make good choices, that is to be human. But, what is most important is not the challenge we face, but how we handle that challenge. You are at a point you need to decide, will you let the challenge hold you down or will you step up to the challenge, embrace life and make the challenge a time in your life where you became a better, stronger person?

Side note: I understand the fear, but as you gain weight your period will come back.
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Postby youmeuniverse » Tue Jun 07, 2016 5:57 pm

Hei someday,

Richard wrote already a great answer.

I can just support the message of that every person - just ask some others yourself - has made good and bad choices in life.
The difference beween someone moving on with a positive attitude compared to someone with a lot of negativity is how you look back on your past. How you see yourself grow from that experience.

And just to remind you, you are an amazing and wonderful being. Think positive about yourself. Your past does not define who you are. Choose to take care of yourself, speak and think kindly about yourself, act with joy and compassion...
And from every moment you can learn to do better next time.

You can do it and you have everything you need to do it within you. Trust yourself to find the best way for you.

Wishing you all the best for your future!
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Postby cynthialeighton » Mon Jun 13, 2016 6:25 pm

someday-we-fly wrote:Now, I'm nothing

You matter! Forgiveness will help. Yet these are very painful feelings. So this will take time to heal. And along the way happiness will come and go for you (and for everyone in the world; we all struggle with stuff). There's apparently a lot of symptoms that you really did not have full control over because many people end up with the problem you're healing from.

For happiness? I invite you to search for my quick youtube titled "Do you want to build a life you're happy with?"

For rebuilding your life? I invite you to my little youtube titled "How do you rebuild your life?"
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Postby johnarkad » Fri Jun 17, 2016 10:28 am

we all make mistakes but its not too late. Theres a lot of people, great people that is willing to help you.
i also something that until now im thinking i feel so bad about it. But i know even if i go back to that time i will still do it.
But its me i forgive and accept myself, accepting your weaknesses is a sign of being strong. I believe in you!
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Postby 2scents » Wed Jun 29, 2016 1:33 pm

For must give love to yourself and others by being you.

Enjoying life and embracing it...don't take it out on yourself...

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Postby undia » Fri Aug 05, 2016 12:46 pm

I used to self-harm, once I stopped every time I saw my scars I felt sick and disgusting but I now I look back on that time and realize its all part of the healing process mentally. I know now that what I did was messed up and I put my friends and family through so much stress that they didn't need. The fact that you feel guilty shows how your frame of mind has changed, it shows how you are healing and to be perfectly honest it probably means that you will never do it again. I know from experience that it probably feels like hell right now but just keep living, do things that make you happy be with people who make you feel happy and let go. You cant change what happened, no one can, so keep moving forward and think how lucky and strong you are for overcoming you problem. You should be proud that you recovered and that you are getting better. Oh and about your period, it probably will come back, you just need to wait and eat plenty of healthy food, you might want to take iron supplements which should help. Stay strong and trust me it will get better :)
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Postby handheart » Sun Aug 28, 2016 6:31 am

No its not your fault because you have anorexia stop complaning because you get negative thoughts and this affects you a lot .Try to speak pozitive to you every day and say that you will defeat this problem
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Postby Jamie514 » Sun Apr 23, 2017 3:24 pm

You are now younger at the age so you have enough time for prepare your life yet and don't be worried more. To be sick is natural matter but If the disease happens by any reasons so man should have cure this. :)
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Postby angelal » Sun May 21, 2017 10:31 pm

To my understanding of eating disorders,, a lot of the times it is much more than wanting to lose weight or prevent gaining weight. Sometimes it's a need to be in control of something when you feel like something is out of control. Although, I don't have an eating disorder, I have in the past obsessed over and controlled what I ate. This is why eating disorders are considered an "obsessive-compulsive disorder".

You made the first (and hardest) step which is acknowledging that there is an issue. But try not to hate yourself for it. Instead, see it as an opportunity to get help and learn more about yourself. It is a liberating experience when you do.
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