Don't seek power like other men.

Postby egrizzly » Sun Jul 05, 2015 10:27 pm

Hello UF friends,

I noticed that throughout work or school I do not seem to seek out power and influence like my other colleagues (both male and female) do. Wherever I get a job it feels sufficient for me to just follow the "established" culture and the rules while others strategically make bonds and friendships with workplace figures with the natural drive to get power and influence.

As I don't have this "natural drive" to gain power and influence that most men do what can I do to develop that characteristic (suggestions, books, exercises, etc) as it seems that it is an element that I lack which, if acquired, will make my personality very effective at work and outside work.

- grizz
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#1

Postby ahung » Mon Jul 06, 2015 1:40 am

I understand this, I often feel the same way.
Just one question though, I'm curious, how "physical" are you?

Do you exercise lots? Are you involved in any team sports, or sports involving aggression (martial arts,etc?)

In any case, I'm not sure that lack of obvious power-seeking is something to be concerned about, or that needs "correcting" by deliberately developing those characteristics. A quiet achiever can accrue substantial influence, too, and may even avoid some of the problems associated with being overtly ambitious.
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#2

Postby egrizzly » Mon Jul 06, 2015 6:01 am

ahung wrote:I understand this, I often feel the same way.
Just one question though, I'm curious, how "physical" are you?

Do you exercise lots? Are you involved in any team sports, or sports involving aggression (martial arts,etc?)

In any case, I'm not sure that lack of obvious power-seeking is something to be concerned about, or that needs "correcting" by deliberately developing those characteristics. A quiet achiever can accrue substantial influence, too, and may even avoid some of the problems associated with being overtly ambitious.


I am not involved in any team sports although I do go to the gym quite often. I mean, there are a lot of ways I have advantage over other co-workers (e.g. through more technical knowledge, e.t.c) but I just use it to help people instead of using it as a tool to seek power. A couple of guys I know at work once they get an advantage they go to the boss and seek favors or try to get a political edge over others thereby becoming more powerful. It seems it is that skillset that I'm l lacking :-(
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#3

Postby McCain » Mon Jul 06, 2015 9:09 am

It is a little late for me tonight. I will respond with more on this, but for now I found a link that might be interesting.

http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/ ... -model.htm

Be back tomorrow .
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#4

Postby Dennis Vasiliev » Mon Jul 06, 2015 11:00 am

I don't think that's a problem. Maybe you have different aspirations than your collegues. However, the problem might be fear of failure or fear of rejection - that's 2 major fears that we all experience on a daily basis. Try to determine what are your aspiration, what do you strive for?

I don't think there are books to develop this "natural drive" (actually there are books today probably on any topic :D ), but if you want to become more productive in relationships with your co-workers you should check out "The Power of Charm" by Brian Tracy.
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#5

Postby your.transformations » Mon Jul 06, 2015 3:27 pm

What sort of a work do you do?
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#6

Postby egrizzly » Tue Jul 07, 2015 12:32 pm

your.transformations wrote:What sort of a work do you do?


I'm in healthcare technology. although I don't think its about the work. It happens everywhere.
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#7

Postby egrizzly » Tue Jul 07, 2015 12:41 pm

Dennis Vasiliev wrote:I don't think that's a problem. Maybe you have different aspirations than your collegues. However, the problem might be fear of failure or fear of rejection - that's 2 major fears that we all experience on a daily basis. Try to determine what are your aspiration, what do you strive for?

I don't think there are books to develop this "natural drive" (actually there are books today probably on any topic :D ), but if you want to become more productive in relationships with your co-workers you should check out "The Power of Charm" by Brian Tracy.


Thanks for the recommendation Dennis. However, the issue is not that I don't get along and bond with co-workers, it's that for some reason I'm not able to exert influence proactively, circumvent authority when I need to, and be able to "pull strings" when I need stuff done for others or myself. It is the skill to be able to do that I seek.
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#8

Postby your.transformations » Tue Jul 07, 2015 12:54 pm

egrizzly wrote:
Dennis Vasiliev wrote:I don't think that's a problem. Maybe you have different aspirations than your collegues. However, the problem might be fear of failure or fear of rejection - that's 2 major fears that we all experience on a daily basis. Try to determine what are your aspiration, what do you strive for?

I don't think there are books to develop this "natural drive" (actually there are books today probably on any topic :D ), but if you want to become more productive in relationships with your co-workers you should check out "The Power of Charm" by Brian Tracy.


Thanks for the recommendation Dennis. However, the issue is not that I don't get along and bond with co-workers, it's that for some reason I'm not able to exert influence proactively, circumvent authority when I need to, and be able to "pull strings" when I need stuff done for others or myself. It is the skill to be able to do that I seek.


I guess it would be productive for you to determine if you do not know how to "pull strings" or there is something in your personality and way of thinking that prevents you from doing it. What your own opinion on this? Which scenario of those two it is...
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#9

Postby Dennis Vasiliev » Tue Jul 07, 2015 1:01 pm

Got it, then you need to master this skill. The good thing is that you know there is your sticking point. The book that I just told you about will be great. You might also check out "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. Pretty much any top book on effective communication, getting stuff done through others (management) or relationships.

Small tip: when I don't have any desire to communicate with somebody, but I understand what it would be better for me to do so, I just start a game. The game called "make him like you". I start to use all my charm, effective communication skills, jokes with the intention to win the game) but simultaneously achieving my goal. Hope you got my point. When you don't feel like doing something, make it a game and focus on winning the game instead on just doing the thing you're not particularly feel to fo right now.
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#10

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue Jul 07, 2015 1:30 pm

Here you go...by Dale Carnegie, 1936. Exactly the skill set you are discussing.

http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-I ... 1508569754
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#11

Postby bert_ernie » Thu Jul 09, 2015 9:56 am

maybe it's linked to levels of testosterone.

increased testosterone leads to increased aggression/drive.

lifting heavy weights is purportedly one way to increase production of testosterone.

maybe that's an angle to look at.
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