One Year Journey - began 8.28.15 - all support welcome :)

#15

Postby gsaint28 » Wed Sep 02, 2015 4:21 am

Thanks for the replies, it's fun for me to read people's comments.

Day 5 has been easy.

I've officially moved out of my old house, and am now even further away from pot smoking activity :)

It is much relief.

What I'm going to continue solidifying though, is the mindset shift from "weed is the bomb, it will make me feel awesome, it is the funnest thing ever, if I'm offered weed I should 100% accept it" to "weed is ______, it will make me feel ________, it is ___________, if I'm offered weed ___________"

hmmmm

part of me doesn't want to bad mouth weed...

weed is a plant, it will make me feel like I'm not being true to my best self if I smoke it, it is not something that serves me in a positive way, if I'm offered weed I will kindly decline and use it as an opportunity to remind myself that I am not that person anymore

there that's a good start
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#16

Postby gsaint28 » Wed Sep 02, 2015 7:24 am

what weed really has the power to do is bring us to enjoy the moment and appreciate things as they are, and takes away the anxiety and stress and just REMOVES us from our mental stories

for example...

in my current life situation I can easily create stress over things...

not having a job
figuring out how to make money
how I'm going to afford school
how things are going to go for me and my gf in the coming months
general self-esteem issues
etc.

all KINDS of things can cause me to feel like sh** and worry and stress

but the MAGIC of weed, seemingly, is that I FORGET all of that and bring myself to this place of...

yaknow...things are going to be alright...and I LET myself ENJOY the moment regardless

and well...sh**...i dont need weeds permission to feel good now regardless of what stresses me out..

i may not feel stoned but i can let go ...
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#17

Postby gsaint28 » Thu Sep 03, 2015 12:58 am

Day 6!

Quickly approaching that one week mark 8)

Had a couple moments today where I felt very indifferent towards my life.

Wasn't very excited or happy, wasn't exactly sad or angry - just neutral.

It's almost like I had no emotions...just kind of gray.

It's times like that that make me feel worried. Worried that I won't feel better, or normal, or happy.

I don't really know why I feel like this? It feels kind of like depersonalization?

What helps me is to just be aware that it won't always be like this.

And to just push through it and try my best to not let it get to me.

It is temporary.

A one year journey comes with it's ups and downs.

Today is more of a down than an up, but it's more neutral than anything.

Could be worse!
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#18

Postby gsaint28 » Thu Sep 03, 2015 7:16 pm

Day 7! Week 1 out of 52 complete :)

The first week went well. I already know what my weak points are. It's down the road, when I seem to be doing much better, when I haven't smoked in a while, say 2-3 months, where I start to ask myself, "what's the big deal if I smoke one time?"

And it's hilarious, now that I think about it, cause I feel that's the exact same question I asked myself the FIRST time I EVER smoked weed - what's the big deal if I smoke one time?

And you know what's f***ing crazy, wow I think I'm having a breakthrough, so before I ever tried weed I slowly went from "I'm NEVER going to do this" to "hmm maybe it's not so bad, my friends are doing it and they say it's not as bad as it sounds" to "wow even my cousins do it, it really must not be that bad" to doing my own research on it and even joining a weed forum and then ultimately convincing myself that "you know, it's not nearly as bad as I think, it even HELPS people, and it would be a way for me to bond with my friends and cousins, so why not? plus, I'll NEVER become a stoner, it's JUST THIS ONCE."

LMFAO and I swear that's the exact thing I told myself before I smoked that FIRST time - "JUST THIS ONCE"

and then I remember smoking, and it didn't even go that well, and then I remember a distinct conversation I had with my sister where I told her that I smoked for the first time and then I also told her in full conviction "I'm NOT going to let it get in the way of my grades, and I'm NOT going to become a full on pothead" and I'm sure that ended with a confident "TRUST ME."

LMFAO

wow

JUST.

Wow.
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#19

Postby gsaint28 » Fri Sep 04, 2015 6:32 pm

Day 8 :P

This may change later on, but I feel that my craving to smoke weed and feel the high isn't what's going to challenge me. I feel it's the ability to change my opinions/beliefs that surround my relationship with weed that must change.

I can't be the same guy that supports weed as much as I did during the time I smoked. I can't say it's the end all be all solution to sadness and things like that.

I don't have to bad mouth it, but I can't be like the majority of the stoner culture that praises it like a god.

It is what it is. It isn't what it isn't.

And to each their own.

I guess it's just WEIRD when somebody like me who smoked for 5 years gets to a point where it's like - yea, it's not for me.

It'd be like if I up and said to all my friends "yea I don't really like pizza anymore, I don't eat it."

It sounds dramatic. It sounds...like I'm being too hard on myself.

But it's not pizza's fault...it's how I used pizza and what pizza has become for me...

lol

okay I'm getting off topic. haha

cheers erryone
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#20

Postby gsaint28 » Fri Sep 04, 2015 9:08 pm

applying for part-time jobs...

REALLY hope that I don't get drug tested lol...

and if I do get drug tested...that I pass...

so help me god lol
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#21

Postby stoneheadsoldier » Sat Sep 05, 2015 1:09 am

Im reading you man. Im quitting as well, i smoked 3g a day top shelf by myself. My withdraws are insane and it turns out im dealing with giardia or salmonella at the same time. Went to the doctor a few times my blood pressure went from 135 first visit to 170! Now im on bp medicine and perscribed zantac for my stomach.

Hard to tell which is which, but my withdraws are definitley worse than expected lol. I think the potency of cannabis has greatly increased the strength of withdraws.
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#22

Postby gsaint28 » Sat Sep 05, 2015 9:05 pm

Day 9

Does anybody else have trouble knowing when their symptoms are related to weed/quitting or are just a part of their personality? It's been so long since weed/PAWS, whatever, hasn't been a part of my daily life that I don't even know when I'm being myself or I'm experiencing a weed related symptom.

For example, I have been SUPER demotivated lately in terms of doing physical exercise. I have been waking up pat 11am almost everyday, today 1pm. I used to be that type of person that challenged himself to get up at 6am and go the gym. And I'd feel like a super unproductive person if I didn't.

Now it's like "meh, who cares if I don't wake up before noon. who cares if I don't get any daily exercise. who cares if I eat fast food everyday. who cares if I eat soda. - who cares"

I know one of the challenges I faced during my 4 month quitting stint was lack of energy. ALL I felt like I wanted to do was lay down and do nothing. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't want to do anything. I didn't want to have to utilize my ability to focus.

I felt EASILY irritated and had ZERO patience for ANYBODY.

I wouldn't call it depression? I don't think I've ever been depressed...

but it really was just...like being in a pit of negativity and sadness and not really feeling like doing ANYTHING.


I feel like it's time to get exercise back in my routine...

I used to rock climb once or twice a week...that was fun...but I froze my account after I moved to another city...

Maybe I'll join that runners club haha...

I used to lift weights a lot too...

sigh...god damnit haha
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#23

Postby Jaszxo » Sat Sep 05, 2015 10:07 pm

i think its pretty dope you have no withdrawals. me on the other had.. i am suffering. this is my 2nd time quitting in a year but i have been smoking since i was 13 now im 25... long long time.

Last year i was diagnosed with cyclic vomiting syndrome from chronic marijuana smoking. I quit the first time bc of it and i thought i had it under control until i caved in and now im back to smoking and where i was before.. sick to my stomach.

its time for me to quit, day 2 still.

feels weird.. i can tell you that.

talk to me if you need anything!
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#24

Postby gsaint28 » Sat Sep 05, 2015 11:55 pm

Jaszxo wrote:i think its pretty dope you have no withdrawals. me on the other had.. i am suffering. this is my 2nd time quitting in a year but i have been smoking since i was 13 now im 25... long long time.

Last year i was diagnosed with cyclic vomiting syndrome from chronic marijuana smoking. I quit the first time bc of it and i thought i had it under control until i caved in and now im back to smoking and where i was before.. sick to my stomach.

its time for me to quit, day 2 still.

feels weird.. i can tell you that.

talk to me if you need anything!


I wouldn't say I have no withdrawal symptoms. It's just that the "voice of addiction" or cravings just aren't as bad as when I first started quitting.

ESPECIALLY after I went on that 4 month stint of no weed, where I was sure I had been done for good.

What helped me with that voice of addiction is knowing that I have the power and responsibility to say NO and to stop letting that voice crowd my mind.

Trust, I may not have been smoking as long as some people on here, but after 5 years of chronic use, I definitely had a nasty voice in my head that made me feel like weed had ALL the control in my life.

Everything centered around weed, having it or not having it, where to get it, how much it costs, making time to use it, avoiding certain people at certain times of day so they dont' say anything, surrounding myself with people who use weed as much as I did, etc.

My withdrawal symptoms are different now a days.

These days, it's not so much a voice of craving to smoke as it is a voice that's lazy or indifferent to life.

Weed isn't my answer. I don't use weed to forget my problems anymore or feel good...

It's usually sleep...or food...or TV...

what I'm realizing is that people that don't use drugs STILL deal with their problems in ways that can be seen as unhealthy or addictive...it's just that when DRUGS are the form of addiction or form of avoiding our problems...it's MUCH MUCH worse and more apparent that we have a problem...

it's quite a journey man...

if you ever need someone to talk to or just listen to things on your mind, give me shout!

cheers, and thanks for chiming in on this thread! I really enjoy seeing people comment haha
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#25

Postby gsaint28 » Sun Sep 06, 2015 12:11 am

I've been trying to quit weed for a solid 3 years now. Many nights have I said "this can't continue. I must change. I am not the person I truly am. This is not me. Something has to change. I can't live like this anymore. I hate that weed is everything to me. I hate that when I run out of weed I want it so badly. I hate how it feels as if I am a druggie hitting up a drug dealer for weed, desperately waiting for their reply. I hate that I can throw away all my weed in the morning, write a 10 page post about how it's time to quit, and then slowly convince myself to buy weed again later that day. etc."

I've tried quitting over 50 times, FOR SURE. And, as you can all tell, I've yet to be successful in one of those 50 times.

Most times, but no every time, I learned something NEW about myself and weed. It is no different than when Thomas Edison tried 100000 methods until he found the right recipe to the light bulb.

I wish it were as easy as saying "I'm done for good" and that's all it was. For some people, that is the case. They only need one attempt and they reach success.

For me and many others, that is not the case.

So for those looking at this current thread and seeing how "easy and positive" my quitting experience has been, know that I failed at least 50 times before I got to this point. It's been 3 or more years since I first realized that I had a problem, and I STILL recognize that I have a problem, and I STILL am fine tuning my understanding of what I need to do to quit and to be truly happy without weed.

I didn't wake up 9 days ago and say "hmm you know what, I think I'm ready to quit now" and it was smooth sailing.

I woke up 9 days ago and started my Nth attempt at quitting weed, stronger than the previous attempt and wiser too.

The biggest limiting belief I have now is still thinking that weed has something to offer me. That doing it "one more time" or "in moderation" or "just to have fun" is something that benefits me.

What ALWAYS happens, when I succumb to that belief, is that I'll smoke, I'll enjoy MAXIMUM 2 hours of fun, and then following the high, Ill experience guilt, shame, confusion, laziness, general lowness, often an argument with my girlfriend, a feeling of inner turmoil...more guilt...more shame...and once again the cycle of "MAN THIS NEEDS TO END WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME THIS IS THE LAST TIME I DONT NEED WEED ANYMORE UGH WHAT THE"

and then slowly...as time goes by...I'll start to think of the "good ole times" and how MUSIC sounds SO bomb and how my BODY feels SO different when I'm stoned...and how I WISH that I could experience that level of inner being and heightened awareness/consciousness without weed...

and I truly believe it is 100% possible.

but alas...here I am...trying my best to just be without weed, even if I don't feel like I'm on cloud 9 without it.

WEED IS NOT THE ANSWER!!

8)
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#26

Postby Furtive » Sun Sep 06, 2015 8:44 am

gsaint28 wrote:Day 9

Does anybody else have trouble knowing when their symptoms are related to weed/quitting or are just a part of their personality? It's been so long since weed/PAWS, whatever, hasn't been a part of my daily life that I don't even know when I'm being myself or I'm experiencing a weed related symptom.


Yeh that's very familiar.
That lasted a long time for me.
There should be a point where you realise it's not nearly as bad as you think,
And you can re-accept a load of yourself sober that you thought was from weed.
But it still takes a long time to grow back into your brain stem.

gsaint28 wrote:Now it's like "meh, who cares if I don't wake up before noon. who cares if I don't get any daily exercise. who cares if I eat fast food everyday. who cares if I eat soda. - who cares"

I know one of the challenges I faced during my 4 month quitting stint was lack of energy. ALL I felt like I wanted to do was lay down and do nothing
....
.... ZERO patience for ANYBODY.

I wouldn't call it depression? I don't think I've ever been depressed...

..erm...
gsaint28 wrote:but it really was just...like being in a pit of negativity and sadness and not really feeling like doing ANYTHING.

Ok

gsaint28 wrote:I feel like it's time to get exercise back in my routine...
...
Maybe I'll join that runners club haha...
..

That is the best weed replacement therapy
Not just my own experience, but
there are published medical reasons for saying that.
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#27

Postby Wave » Sun Sep 06, 2015 11:31 am

gsaint28 wrote:Does anybody else have trouble knowing when their symptoms are related to weed/quitting or are just a part of their personality? It's been so long since weed/PAWS, whatever, hasn't been a part of my daily life that I don't even know when I'm being myself or I'm experiencing a weed related symptom.

For example, I have been SUPER demotivated lately in terms of doing physical exercise. I have been waking up pat 11am almost everyday, today 1pm. I used to be that type of person that challenged himself to get up at 6am and go the gym. And I'd feel like a super unproductive person if I didn't.

Now it's like "meh, who cares if I don't wake up before noon. who cares if I don't get any daily exercise. who cares if I eat fast food everyday. who cares if I eat soda. - who cares"


I can seriously relate to this. Only recently (quit April '15) have I got into regular exercise. I just remember thinking "people say you are lazy when smoking bud", but I was actually way more active before my quit while vaping that I was for the first 2 months. I would have days at the weekend I would done absolutely nothing.

Regarding what is and what isn't withdrawal, I believe a lot of what you are describing is withdrawal / PAWS. The "nothing in life is interesting" and feeling flat about everything really got to me but feel this has slowly improved. Exercise is key and not eating any fast food it too. I failed miserably about the fast food bit for the first 2-3 months and ended up gaining a little weight, which was very frustrating. Now with exercise I am slowly getting back into shape, but will take a number of week of my current routine to achieve this.

Keep up the good work.
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#28

Postby gsaint28 » Sun Sep 06, 2015 7:03 pm

Day 10

Set an alarm for 8am this morning.

Finally woke up at 930. Got my donkey to church too. It's a Unity center, if any of yall are familiar. Enough of that though.

Feeling good, well decent.

It's so much the lack of weed that bothers me nowadays. It's the, "okay, how can I get through the resistance of wanting to do other things?" You know, like exercising, socializing, and being more productive and energetic about my daily life - sort of thing.

STILL!

Day 10 is Day 10, and I'm proud of that.

:D
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#29

Postby Jaszxo » Sun Sep 06, 2015 7:46 pm

Pretty freaking cool. Congrats on day 10.

Day 3 for me. My brain feels less foggy but I'm still dealing with the nausea and it's still hard to eat.. sleeping has been okay.

I try to stay out of my room as often as I can because that's where I did most of my smoking. I miss it but i was letting it hold me back so it's time to just back off.

It looks like we all need to figure out a habit that lets us replace the habit we had but obviously in a healthier way.

I usually would bury myself in school work but I took this semester off to focus on myself and come back 10xs stronger then ever.


ITS SO HARD BUT IT HAS TO BE DONE!

Hopefully your day ends up better.
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