One Year Journey - began 8.28.15 - all support welcome :)

#30

Postby Wave » Sun Sep 06, 2015 7:47 pm

It just takes time. The most annoying thing about cannabis withdrawal is it takes so long, it almost fools you that the only way to feel normal is to use weed again, when in fact its just that it can take 3, 6, 9+ months. Seems to really vary person to person.

Were you a heavy user? This seems to make a large difference, that and duration of use.
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#31

Postby Jaszxo » Sun Sep 06, 2015 10:38 pm

Me? Lol yeah I smoked daily for 10 but all together 13 years.

I get anxious when I start thinking how I'll probably never smoke again but that's a ridiculous thought..

One day at a time.
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#32

Postby gsaint28 » Mon Sep 07, 2015 8:37 am

Day 11!

About to go to sleep, but it's past midnight so hah! COUNT IT!

anyways...

I am SO looking forward to when I have more emotional control...

And when my social skills have gone back to normal...

and when I can post DAY 356!!

one day at a time, one day at a time.
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#33

Postby gsaint28 » Mon Sep 07, 2015 6:28 pm

Day 11 yep

Sometimes I ask myself, "How many days have to pass before I consider myself done with weed for good?"

The answer that feels best at the moment is 1 year.

Who knows, maybe there will be a day where it just FEELS like I've overcome the need to smoke.

At the moment though, it doesn't feel that way. I still feel there is a tiny void labelled "weed" and I've yet to replace that void with something else.

What did that void consist of?

joy
happiness
freedom
self-expression
laughter
being in the moment
smiling
emotional connection
connecting to my true self
inspiration

Can't wait to have that back...in the form of something else.
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#34

Postby Jaszxo » Mon Sep 07, 2015 7:21 pm

Gsaint28,

Don't worry. You are not alone. If anyone can understand what it is to not have a lot of emotional control, it's definitely me.

I'm also aiming for a whole year!! So it looks like we are on the same page. Day 4 for me.

So far, it's been the toughest .
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#35

Postby gsaint28 » Mon Sep 07, 2015 9:30 pm

Jaszxo wrote:Gsaint28,

Don't worry. You are not alone. If anyone can understand what it is to not have a lot of emotional control, it's definitely me.

I'm also aiming for a whole year!! So it looks like we are on the same page. Day 4 for me.

So far, it's been the toughest .


Thanks for your support, Jaszxo. Interesting username :P I'm curious what the meaning is.

I wish there were a quick fix solution for what we're all going through.

Each of us has such a unique journey. I wish there were a way for all of us to know our unique answers.

Cheers to your Day 4 and my Day 11! :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

:mrgreen:
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#36

Postby gsaint28 » Tue Sep 08, 2015 6:05 pm

Day 12.

I'm know for sure that it's not the 365 days without weed that is going to make me happy.

It's me being more responsible for my life and getting back on my feet that is going to make me happy.

It is not weed that got me to this low point.

It is me. And I used weed as a scapegoat.

Going 365 days without weed is one goal.

But I need other goals.
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#37

Postby Jaszxo » Tue Sep 08, 2015 6:46 pm

Hey you.

Lol, it stands for my name (Jasmin) and then the x and o is hugs and kisses. It's easy to remember, idk.

Day 5 for me. The best I have felt so far. I bought a book called switch on your brain: the key to peak happiness, thinking and health by dr. Caroline Leaf. So far so good. You should look into it.

When I wake up in the morning, I try to get right of bed and start my day. I sit out for and like to feel and breathe in the fresh air.

Do you work out?

How old are you by the way? IF you don't mind me asking.
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#38

Postby gsaint28 » Tue Sep 08, 2015 10:37 pm

I'm only 23 haha

I love reading. Currently reading this book called Energy Leadership. Pretty awesome stuff.

I haven't worked out in months.

Currently don't have the energy or motivation to do things that are good for me, like eating better and working out.

It sucks feeling like a victim when really I'm just choosing to not be better. It's f***ing weird.
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#39

Postby gsaint28 » Wed Sep 09, 2015 10:54 am

Day 13

Depersonalization.

I was going through an archive of photos and written documents from my past, when something occurred to me. I don't feel connected to the person I was before. I don't feel connected the memories of my past. There seems to be a sense of separation, as if I was not the one who experienced them personally. It's scary, but it's mostly sad. It feels like I cannot or have not emotionally connected with the part of me who loved enjoying those memories, who loved being a part of those experiences.

It's hard for me to admit that I was really hurting myself all those times I was smoking weed. I can easily admit that weed helped me. I cannot easily admit, with an honest heart, that I was hurting myself in those times when weed didn't help me.

It sucks that my memory is clearly impaired, that my social acuity is off, my emotions are unstable, my motivation is weak, my self-esteem is low, my life in general is just not where I wish it were, and all as a consequence of who I let myself become.

My abuse of weed, and the consequences that came with that abusive behavior, were a byproduct of the person I let myself become.

The core issue of my life's problems is not using weed.

The core issue of my life's problems is the person who uses the weed.

And even deeper than that...the core issue of the person who uses the weed is the beliefs he has about himself.

It feels good to admit that I am the cause of my own current state. The side effects may have come from using weed, but the cause of using the weed in the first place was me.

It feels silly to count the days still, i.e. Day 13.

I guess it's not so much for the count of how many days since I last smoked...

It's more like a daily tracker of how my mindset shifts as the days go by.

Had my fair share of battles on Day 12. But, feeling better regardless.
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#40

Postby realrecognizereal » Wed Sep 09, 2015 5:25 pm

Hi all,

This is my first post on this site but I first stumbled onto it probably about 6-9 months ago when my friend and neighbor decided to take a break and started dreaming again at night. I stopped having dreams (or became unaware of them) when I went chronic sometime ago, and began to experience them again on the two or so occasions I took some time off. Before I say anything else, I have to thank all of those who have posted on these forums. I would guess way more people read posts than reply and for those who post (me until today), you can rest assured you are helping other people. I quickly went from reading about dreaming experiences of those who quit to reading posts and threads of those focused on attempting to quit. I had no idea I would relate so much. It felt great to be connected to a group of people from all over I can relate to and know I'm not alone in my otherwise secret world of being a stoner, and maybe an even more secret world within that of being a stoner who somewhere deep down inside knows its time to let go and get to know myself again. I have honestly been thinking I should/need to quit for several months now. Since I plan to continue to post, I won't dump a novel here right now, but I can already tell I have a lot more to say than I would have guessed. Anyway here are my stats and what lies ahead for me and why:

Started late in my teens, went chronic almost immediately and that's pretty much been the last 15 years with probably two breaks, each of about 3 months with the most recent being 2009. 1 to 10 grams per day, probably average 2-3. I have a family and good friends, not all of whom smoke, and a decent job. Most people in my day-to-day have no idea about my habit. They would be shocked to know I'm sure. In any case, aside from the big-scale stoner paranoia of loosing my job or my kids finding out too early before they have enough sense not to start, my main motivators for wanting to quit are too numerous for one post.

For now, I will just say my plan was to taper through the weekend and cut it off Monday. Well, I had a small vape last night kick off the taper and boy was I surprised. I became anxious, unable to have a real conversation with my wife or finish a page in my book. Couldn't get to sleep for the life of me either. This 15 year veteran was rattled. The weed obviously didn't change, so I must have. Another poster shared some wisdom once shared with him when he said "you'll KNOW when you've had you last one." Well I my experience last night was that, so today is day 1.

Before I check out, I have to reiterate a notion that I agree with and have been pleased to read on this site on other threads as well as this one. Weed isn't the problem, its my decision making. Perhaps someday all will be so well in my world I won't have any cares and I will truly be able to allow myself to enjoy weed again and really let my mind drift and go with it, but that seems impossibly far away. I fear I am just noticing the tip of the iceberg of having no idea who I really am, what my relationships mean and the memories/experiences they were founded on which I sadly cannot remember much of.

Again, thanks for everyone's positive words and I have to say it feels good to think I might be giving back or at least making a small contribution to someone else also in my shoes. Until tomorrow...
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#41

Postby gsaint28 » Wed Sep 09, 2015 6:31 pm

Realrecognizereal,

Congrats on your first post. Congrats may not be the right word, but my intention is to recognize that you're taking a step toward bettering yourself.

Good luck on your journey. I hope you find an answer to all your questions, and that we can both become the person we know we are inside.

It's corny as hell, but I believe this journey of quitting weed and being a happy person without it is much deeper than removing a bad habit. It's more so been a journey about remembering who I am and what I am capable of.

It's sad, and corny, and sappy, and not the way everyone looks at it, but that's the way it is for me.

Cheers to you and cheers to me!

:mrgreen: :mrgreen:

DAY 13!
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#42

Postby Jaszxo » Wed Sep 09, 2015 9:20 pm

HEY gsaint28 (wish I had a name, weird to call you by your screen name) lol.

Cool, you are close to my age. Even thought I don't know you personally, it makes me sad that you don't have a true support system to help you get out that funk that you are in. Well just know I am here to talk (obviously). Don't beat yourself up because sometimes putting all that pressure on yourself makes it worse. You are doing something to better yourself, you are motivated to change what was holding you back and that right there is the first step to everything.

I joined an outpatient rehab today, and I completely forgot that they will drug test... caught me by surprise but you know what.. **** it. I have nothing to lose. This could actually be better for me. I did not join because I can't control the smoking. I joined because I have a lot of emotional issues that I need to clear up and I do not want my anxiety or depression to overwhelm me to the point I start taking xanax or ativan more then I am suppose too. The scariest thing that can happen is that I become addicted to an actual drug that can really kill you. I barely ever take the pills so its not a problem for me.

RealrecognizeReal..

you are just as brave as us. at first after reading a lot of forums I wasn't sure if I was going to find someone who I can talk to but Gsaint28 has def. helped me probably without realizing himself that he has. I am here to talk if you would like and just like you, I smoked just as long. It is not easy. The anxiety will get better as the days go by. sh**, I never go on dates because I was over think and yesterday I had the balls to finally do it... and I didn't die. I know if I stilled smoked, I would of never gone because I would of filled my own head with negative thoughts. Its hard at first, but i am on day 6 and feeling better than I did the last 5 days. It takes time.
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#43

Postby gsaint28 » Wed Sep 09, 2015 11:42 pm

people call me G, so feel free to use that instead of gsaint28 :P
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#44

Postby Fabulous Furnace » Thu Sep 10, 2015 3:44 am

Gsaint-
you are doing well. You have a good attitude and it's refreshing to read your posts. So many things go thru our minds when we quit MJ. We start to really examine ourselves and our motivations for wanting to get high.
Time will bring healing and more understanding of ourselves.
I started smoking everyday at your age. I think I was 24-25.
I didn't stop until i was 50 + years old. Can you imagine? Half my life has been spent getting high. It was great for a long time, or so I thought.
You are catching yourself at a wonderful time. Quit now! you will save yourself major heartache and psychic pain. I have had failed relationships and failed jobs because getting high was more important. I am a very emotional person to begin with and I stuffed my emotions with weed. Now I feel so much, too much. It will settle down.
I have 28 days again tomorrow. It has been tough. I won't lie.
However, each of us has their own experience while getting sober. Out of the past 2 years, I have been sober 15 months. Not consecutive time, mind you, but that is huge for me. I have never given up and keep getting up after knocking myself down.
I don't recommend doing what I did, because each time I go back I know I will have to quit again and go thru PAWS.
Now i know what to expect and what to avoid to be succesful.
Jasmine, welcome and your enthusiasm is great. Just don't smoke each day and the days start adding up. Don't think about never smoking weed again. Just today.... and just today.... and just today...ad infinitum.
Keep strong and things will get better.

Fabulous Furnace or FF
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