poor body image and low self esteem

Postby Dizal » Thu Sep 17, 2015 5:22 am

Hi everyone,
i am new to this and have never used forum before, but i think its a nice place to meet people who are going through similar experiences.

So here is a little about myself:

My name is Dizal and I am 25 years old. I was raised in a big family house hold. I am the last one of the ten kids and growing up i have always felt like i didn't get enough attention from my parents and my elder siblings. i felt unloved and unimportant . Being the youngest of the ten kids i was always look at as a little kid who cant do things in her own. Sadly this feeling still affects me even though i don't live in that big family house any more.

Another thing is i am short and i just don't seem to accept it, all my sibling and cousins are tall but not me. they make fun of me and i feel so sad and intimidated. i am always comparing myself with others to see if they are taller than me. i hate how i look because i feel like people look at me down because i am short and skinny. i feel weak and unattractive. i think life would have been so much easier if i was a tall girl and if i was tall i think i would be confident. i feel so down about myself and that is affecting the relationship i have with others. when i am around others i feel so uncomfortable and afraid of being judged. i am attending University and its so hard for me because i am always anxious and i just cant relax.

please help, i will really appreciate it.
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Thu Sep 17, 2015 5:17 pm

IMO the first thing to focus on is this irrational idea that height has anything to do with having the life you want. There are absolutely, positively a ton of short women that are extremely successful.
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#2

Postby Dizal » Fri Sep 18, 2015 7:42 am

i think i wanted to be tall so much because growing up, everyone around me was tall and therefore to me being short is like as living a half life. when i really think about it i know this a wrong idea but i just don't know how to get rid of it.

Thanks for your reply!
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#3

Postby Liberate » Tue Sep 29, 2015 4:07 pm

This is one of the best TED talks I have ever watched. I would recommend it for your scenario. It is called "Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are | Amy Cuddy | TED Talks"
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#4

Postby bawdyheated » Wed Sep 30, 2015 2:58 am

Hi, I understand what you are undergoing right now. My daughter is not that tall too and most of the times her physical appearance and height intimidates her. However, I told her that it should not hinder her and lose her self confidence because we have our own uniqueness. Other people see us in different ways. What's important is how others look at our positive sides. Focus on bringing up the best in you. Concentrate on that. I'm sure you do have skills and talents that others do not have and that's a blessing. Remember that you are still beautiful and unique. Cheer up and smile always :)
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#5

Postby Dizal » Fri Oct 02, 2015 4:20 am

Thats true, i guess everyone has something unique about them but like myself some people struggle to bring that uniqueness out on themselves. As a kid i used to be such a confident and a happy girl but now it seems like i lost it all. thanks for ur encouragement.
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#6

Postby moondaddy1 » Wed Oct 07, 2015 11:52 am

Probably not a good example to use but it just sort of came to mind in relation to your concerns about height. Charles Manson, 5'3". I hasten to add I'm not suggesting he should be thought of as someone to look up to, no pun intended, but try to forget about everything he was involved with and so on and think about the fact that here was a scruffy ex-con of 5'3" with no education to speak of other than the US prison system yet who ended up being a very strong and self assured personality, so much so that people (mainly reasonably intelligent middle class American girls) not only admired him but were willing to throw away their lives (and of course those of others) for him.

The point is that self image problems in relation to height are as often as not the result of media stereotyping and not much else, so perhaps focusing on learning to value yourself for who you are and what you have to offer instead of focusing on what you perceive to be negative aspects of yourself might be more constructive.
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#7

Postby Dizal » Sat Oct 10, 2015 7:28 am

Thanks for your replies everyone.

Moondaddy1

May I know how long it takes for hypnosis to work? For example to develop high self esteem?

Thanks
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#8

Postby kathyjoyce » Sat Oct 10, 2015 1:25 pm

I can understand how you feel as I am also the youngest, and often felt overshadowed by my much older sister. I used to feel undervalued and inferior to her. I realise now as we are both much older that we all have our own strengths and talents. Realise that you are neither weak nor unattractive. The fact that you've successfully graduated from school are now at university shows you've achieved so much already. You had to pass exams to get your place on your chosen course. Stop comparing yourself to others. they may equally be comparing themselves to you! A good idea to boost self esteem is to make a list of all your strengths and achievements.
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#9

Postby GrowthTakesWork » Sat Oct 10, 2015 3:03 pm

I heard a saying once that we grow until we are perfect and some of us just get there faster than others. I am if you will say height challenged as well. It is easy to let others intimidate you based on their height however we must remember our power comes from within and has very little to do with our actual stature.

Try to remember those times when you were younger and felt confident - how can you mentally put yourself back in those situations - now try to bring those experiences forward to today?

You are capable, you are unique and you and only you can fulfill your purpose - the world needs you as the individual you are. Try to focus on things you can be thankful for today. I hope this helps in some small way.
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#10

Postby Dizal » Wed Oct 28, 2015 8:31 am

You are capable, you are unique and you and only you can fulfill your purpose - the world needs you as the individual you are. Try to focus on things you can be thankful for today. I hope this helps in some small way.[/quote]

Thanks you for your beautiful words, they uplifting. If I can convince that myself it would be wonderful.

I am just trying to pinpoint where things really went wrong for me to feel the way I feel about myself and I think it has got a lot to do with my status in the family and how I was raised up. Sometimes I get really sad when I really look at my life and how unhappy I am. I feel not good enough, not loved enough and I can't even love myself, if I did I am sure others opinion of me wouldn't affect me the way it does now. Just anything hurts me. I feel mentally and physically weak. I have tried affirmations, tried positive thinking but the feeling of worthlessness never goes away. I just don't know what's left to do.
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#11

Postby Priceless&Beyond » Sat Oct 31, 2015 5:25 am

Hi Dizal,
I appreciate your courage to come on and express your need for help in this area. So many do not have the courage that you do to express this area of concern. Take this courage that you have expressed so far and apply it to the area where you lack confidence. The people that you surround yourself should be people that encourage and empower you. They help to magnify your strengths and provide support in the areas where you need help. Who are the people that you associate with on a consistent basis? I can't wait to hear back from you :)
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#12

Postby Introspectah » Sat Oct 31, 2015 8:26 am

I have tried affirmations, tried positive thinking but the feeling of worthlessness never goes away. I just don't know what's left to do.


Like trying to build a house on rotten foundations...no matter how agreeable the construction built, a rotten foundation won't support it for long.
Therefore, if your aim is to transform your self and exceed beyond these self-limitations which have been keeping you bound for so long, the advice is to examine, identify and then neutralize the self-hurting belief-systems.
Upon this framework of a belief-system is your entire perception built.
That's why you can't undertake any drastic changes unless you dismantle the core of your belief-system.

i think life would have been so much easier if i was a tall girl and if i was tall i think i would be confident.


And what if you were the eldest, tallest sibling in a household of short ones, and they mocked you for being so tall?

Another thing is i am short and i just don't seem to accept it, all my sibling and cousins are tall but not me. they make fun of me and i feel so sad and intimidated.


Have you ever taken one of your siblings to your side and informed him/her about the pain they (undeliberately) caused you to deal with?
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#13

Postby Dizal » Sun Nov 01, 2015 1:38 am

"Like trying to build a house on rotten foundations...no matter how agreeable the construction built, a rotten foundation won't support it for long".

Hi, thank you so much for ur valuable reply.

Yes that's what's happening with me I think. I think I need to believe that I am ok and I am not as bad as I feel about myself.
And like u said I try to resolve the underlying problem causing me to feel like this but I can't fully resolve them because I can't exactly accept myself for who I am even though I try to. I try to think positively and believe that I am good enough but then those thoughts of looking like a kid coz I am short and skinny, ppl not taking me seriously including family, comparing myself with my little cousins and how they look older than me even though I am way older than them and feeling ashamed when people ask me if they older. Feeling under developed and never getting to experience the feeling of change and growth that comes with physical development. All those things create so much insecurity in me that I can't think clearly and in my head they are appear like such a big problem than they should really be. So I try to be optimistic and go on for couple of days and then go back to myself old self feeling those feelings.

Such hard thing to fight with yourself, I wish I was fighting with someone else instead.
Anyways thank you for ur time
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#14

Postby Dizal » Sun Nov 01, 2015 2:08 am

"The people that you surround yourself should be people that encourage and empower you. They help to magnify your strengths and provide support in the areas where you need help. Who are the people that you associate with on a consistent basis? "

Hello thank you very much for your reply

To tell you the truth, I try not to get close to people, I try to stay a way so that I don't have to deal with all the pressure. I used to let people in easily and I got hurt so I try not to let in anyone. So I don't really have many friends because I don't put the effort to make friends because I am scared I will end up being hurt but if I say away then there is no one to hurt me. But this can be lonely.

So this days most of the time I spend time by myself but I used to be around my friend which is the only close friend I really have and around family which I don't really feel comfortable with, particularly my cousin which has contributed a lot for me to feel like this. Whenever I am around her I feel so down and restless. I am always on look out when she is around coz I feel like she is going to hurt me. Because of her I can't trust anyone anymore and she has caused me a lot of emotional damage from negative comments about how I look like a kid and how it's sad that I am not taken seriously by my family. Also backstabbing and she is always in competition to get people her side and turn them against you. So I just got so tired so I try to satay away and that way I feel in so much peace even I feel lonely at times.

Thank you for taking ur time to help:)
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