My 1st post 2 yrs & 8 months ago

Postby olskoolru » Mon Sep 28, 2015 9:29 pm

Reading this today sent chills up my spine.

I can vividly recall how terrible this time was for me and exactly where I was when I wrote this. I went 5 months with zero answers (oh and the person I wrote this to never responded to multiple messages... oh well). I thought my brain was fried and I wads going to live in pain forever.

Today, over 2 and a half years later, I still can't believe my mind was where it was in 2013.I was a totally different person the first 8 months of my recovery. Today, I am back to normal and feel better than ever. Bought a house, have a super healthy baby on the way, my marriage is stronger than ever and I love my job. None of that would've been possible if I hadn't quit my addiction. I don't even know if my marriage would've blossomed into what it is today. I love the new me and my new life. The horror movie I went through in 2013 was 110% worth it.

So, if you are early in recovery and are scared half to death that you've permanently damaged your brain, you are not alone.

Thanks to Justin92 and Bob the Builder for really being there with the online support!

Here's my first post to Uncommon:

Hi Biggiesize,

I've been following your posts and your journey is a true inspiration to me as it has been to so many here on uncommon. I am a bit over 5 months clean and have had an absolutley horrendous time after I quit smoking mariijuana. I have gone through phases of depression and anxiety. Most of it has been anxiety due to the impending doom I am awaiting. I have gone through many periods of paranoia due to the headaches I have been experiencing. The headaches have been the worst part of it all. They are around a lot more than when they aren't. The acute withdrawal took about a mont or month and a half to hit me after I quit. My therapist stated that this is due to the super duper high grade stuff I smoked. Kola Panther was the strongest. I move to Oakland from the East Coast a year and a half ago, I came here and bought my medical marijuana license and that was all she wrote. Since weed is legal here, it was like going to a 7-11 and buying whatever and as much as I wanted ANYTIME! Pre-rolled high grade indica Kola Panther "fortified with Kief" was my preference. The pre-rolleds were immense and I smoked them like they were going out of style. FF to February 14, 2013 and I quit cold-turkey. The first 4 or so weeks were just mood swings and problems sleeping, but not full-blown insomnia. THEN one night i got a splitting migraine that stuck around 24/7 for a month straight. Insomnia for about 2 weeks and lower neck pains that were excruciating. I couldn't understand what TF was happening to me! Well, there is a Marijuana Anonymous that I started attending in Berkeley (talk about HARD CORE SMOKERS). I was the youngest by far and I'm 35 years old. Packed with people seeking help weekly! Well, God listened to me and conncected me with a PHD psychologist that is a veteran pot-head and has been in recovery for the past 30 years. He understood me and let me know what I was going through.
Regardless, the paranoia and feeling that these symptoms ARE FOREVER do not leave my mind! I get better for maybe 3-4 days and BAM the symptoms come back with full fury. It has been a pattern that has been going on now for a little over 5 months and it has almost driven me insane. There is soooo little information available on this subject that it is very depressing. I don't know how the heck BiggieSize did this in '08, but mannn !! KUDOS!!

Glad to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. But when will these god forsaken headaches stop!!??

One love to all of you!
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#1

Postby Actualizing intent » Tue Sep 29, 2015 12:50 am

Please talk more about how things are good now- and at what point did they switch from difficult to good? I am in the trying to quit phase so un sure of what road lies ahead as I attempt a quit. Thanks for inspiration.
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#2

Postby Furtive » Tue Sep 29, 2015 11:16 pm

"super healthy", what does that mean? Do you believe you've sired 'superman'?

Why would it matter that someone you messaged didn't reply? It's not as though your addiction or recovery rests on anything anyone else says or does.

I'm glad you feel better but I think you're bipolar/manic and probably need to address that regardless of anything to do with weed or quitting it.
Have a think about percentage, and what it means - per hundred.
You're either honest with yourself or you're not. The way you express yourself is a more than just a clue, it feeds back to you as well.
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#3

Postby olskoolru » Wed Sep 30, 2015 6:06 am

Actualizing intent wrote:Please talk more about how things are good now- and at what point did they switch from difficult to good? I am in the trying to quit phase so un sure of what road lies ahead as I attempt a quit. Thanks for inspiration.

x
Hey Actualizing Intent,

Well my mind is much clearer these days. I don't spend time worrying about my recovery anymore. I have so many new hobbies.

It's so different to not be constantly looking for weed, or sitting around depressed after a short lived high wears off.

This recovery had made me appreciate things more than I ever thought I would. During my early recovery, I missed walking around with my wife without a headache or feeling the depersonalization... or being so high anxiety that I pretty much missed the entire walk because I was in a cloud. All of thay is gone. My sense of humor is back. My mind has a clarity like I couldn't imagine. It gets better and bettet my friend.

When you are ready to quit, fo it for good. It's not easy, but it's 100% worth it!

OSR
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#4

Postby lovelightandkittens » Thu Oct 22, 2015 11:48 pm

Furtive wrote:"super healthy", what does that mean? Do you believe you've sired 'superman'?

Why would it matter that someone you messaged didn't reply? It's not as though your addiction or recovery rests on anything anyone else says or does.

I'm glad you feel better but I think you're bipolar/manic and probably need to address that regardless of anything to do with weed or quitting it.
Have a think about percentage, and what it means - per hundred.
You're either honest with yourself or you're not. The way you express yourself is a more than just a clue, it feeds back to you as well.


This keyboard warrior over here must be a clinical psychiatrist.
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#5

Postby jmh335 » Sun Oct 25, 2015 2:07 pm

Great story man! I hope to make a similar recovery even though some days it just seems so unlikely. I can barely remember what normal is to be honest but I do remember having a much greater sense of humor and a stronger/quicker mind. Thanks again
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#6

Postby olskoolru » Sun Oct 25, 2015 5:09 pm

jmh335 wrote:Great story man! I hope to make a similar recovery even though some days it just seems so unlikely. I can barely remember what normal is to be honest but I do remember having a much greater sense of humor and a stronger/quicker mind. Thanks again


JMH,

Your sense of humor will 100% return. Don't know how far along you are, but things will eventually normalize. It's different for everyone.
Hang in there brother!

OSR
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#7

Postby johnrlivingston » Mon Oct 26, 2015 4:21 pm

Furtive wrote:"super healthy", what does that mean? Do you believe you've sired 'superman'?

Why would it matter that someone you messaged didn't reply? It's not as though your addiction or recovery rests on anything anyone else says or does.

I'm glad you feel better but I think you're bipolar/manic and probably need to address that regardless of anything to do with weed or quitting it.
Have a think about percentage, and what it means - per hundred.
You're either honest with yourself or you're not. The way you express yourself is a more than just a clue, it feeds back to you as well.


Why do you have to come along and crap on everything olskool posts? I know you two have a pissing match going, but when he's posting info that can do little else but give others hope & encouragement, why do you feel it necessary to spoil it?

I don't know why you're even here, to be honest. You repeatedly stop & start marijuana, but dispense advice here like you've got it all figured out. Well - if weed isn't that much of a problem for you then why are you here in the first place? And if it is a problem for you (as it appears to be), then what gives you the notion you're in a position to berate a guy like olskool who has - unlike you - actually quit and stayed quit long-term?

While you're dispensing psychological advice, you might want to turn that mirror around 180-degrees and tell us what you see. What exactly is it that possesses someone to continue 'experimenting' with a plant they've acknowledged causes them damage, all the while living in an addiction forum and going nowhere, only to target those who actually are helping with your vitriol?

All I can say is this: Olskool helped ME. And he's helped quite a few others that I'm aware of - surely many many more that I don't. And he keeps coming back to help. Who do you help by dogging on him? That is, by the way, a rhetorical question, since we all already know the answer: no-one. I can identify with what he went through nearly 100% - as I can identify with sooooo many others who have likewise identified with olskool's plight. Whether your experience is the same matters not. What's fact is that olskool's experience is far from unique, and him being here for those going through similiar troubles is a god send.

Don't respond. I won't be listening, and we've already hijacked this thread enough. Just use the PM the next time you have something to say to olskool that doesn't involve the rest of us, k?
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#8

Postby olskoolru » Mon Oct 26, 2015 11:24 pm

johnrlivingston wrote:
Furtive wrote:"super healthy", what does that mean? Do you believe you've sired 'superman'?

Why would it matter that someone you messaged didn't reply? It's not as though your addiction or recovery rests on anything anyone else says or does.

I'm glad you feel better but I think you're bipolar/manic and probably need to address that regardless of anything to do with weed or quitting it.
Have a think about percentage, and what it means - per hundred.
You're either honest with yourself or you're not. The way you express yourself is a more than just a clue, it feeds back to you as well.


Why do you have to come along and crap on everything olskool posts? I know you two have a pissing match going, but when he's posting info that can do little else but give others hope & encouragement, why do you feel it necessary to spoil it?

I don't know why you're even here, to be honest. You repeatedly stop & start marijuana, but dispense advice here like you've got it all figured out. Well - if weed isn't that much of a problem for you then why are you here in the first place? And if it is a problem for you (as it appears to be), then what gives you the notion you're in a position to berate a guy like olskool who has - unlike you - actually quit and stayed quit long-term?

While you're dispensing psychological advice, you might want to turn that mirror around 180-degrees and tell us what you see. What exactly is it that possesses someone to continue 'experimenting' with a plant they've acknowledged causes them damage, all the while living in an addiction forum and going nowhere, only to target those who actually are helping with your vitriol?

All I can say is this: Olskool helped ME. And he's helped quite a few others that I'm aware of - surely many many more that I don't. And he keeps coming back to help. Who do you help by dogging on him? That is, by the way, a rhetorical question, since we all already know the answer: no-one. I can identify with what he went through nearly 100% - as I can identify with sooooo many others who have likewise identified with olskool's plight. Whether your experience is the same matters not. What's fact is that olskool's experience is far from unique, and him being here for those going through similiar troubles is a god send.

Don't respond. I won't be listening, and we've already hijacked this thread enough. Just use the PM the next time you have something to say to olskool that doesn't involve the rest of us, k?


Hey JRL,

Man... well said. Sucks that some folks are having bad times in their recovery and spend half their day trolling forums. Preying on people that are probably in the most vulnerable moments of their lives is no laughing matter. Especially when you do it mercilessly from the comfort of your own home. It's a new breed of bullies. Cyber bullies that would NEVER EVER dare say something in someone's face, but that sit at home and let folks have it. Must be a terrible life.

Regardless of the non-sensical little arguments, I wish everyone the best.

Glad I helped you out. I heard through the grapevine that you've been a tremendous source of inspiration for others as well.

A lot of people have reached out to me through email for some advice. I love helping. Not only because it's in my nature too, but it really helps me with my recovery. My therapist told me that recovery is a life-long endeavor. Boy was he correct.

I don't read his posts anymore. He likes to disect folks' posts and call them out line for line. Who the hell has time for that?? lol I don't even think I'm that important to my own mother. Flattering.

Take care John!

OSR
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#9

Postby endofdelta9 » Wed Oct 28, 2015 12:25 am

JRL you said it perfect

OSR quit and stayed quit long term his words are from actual experience priceless

thank you John you spoke for me too
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#10

Postby olskoolru » Wed Oct 28, 2015 4:07 am

endofdelta9 wrote:JRL you said it perfect

OSR quit and stayed quit long term his words are from actual experience priceless

thank you John you spoke for me too


Hey endofdelta9!

Hope all is well!!!
OsR
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#11

Postby Broken stoner » Wed Oct 28, 2015 4:25 am

Osr I'm coming up on a year and a half and I'm curious when did things really start to brighten up in ur world I've noticed a much decrease in my paws, but I still feel lost sometimes and nothing looks as it used to, I'm used to this new world these days but what I'm asking is if I'm going to have a huge rewire and will things look normal to me? If not I'll accept that and live like this but if you can't answer that question I appreciate your time reading my post.
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#12

Postby olskoolru » Wed Oct 28, 2015 4:37 pm

Broken stoner wrote:Osr I'm coming up on a year and a half and I'm curious when did things really start to brighten up in ur world I've noticed a much decrease in my paws, but I still feel lost sometimes and nothing looks as it used to, I'm used to this new world these days but what I'm asking is if I'm going to have a huge rewire and will things look normal to me? If not I'll accept that and live like this but if you can't answer that question I appreciate your time reading my post.


I think it took closer to 2 years. You have to see the big picture. On the days that I feel anxious and pretty terrible, I can't see progress. My wife is the on that has to remind me of the tremendous progress I've made.

There won't be one day that just changes everything. Progress in this type of withdrawal is painfully slow. So slow in fact that it is very very difficult to see any progress at all. You should step back and look at the whole thing. Maybe you can go back through your posts here on Uncommon and see how much progress you've really made.

Your mind is rewiring, yes. But not at the pace you may like.

Have you gone to see a therapist? I highly recommend it. Especially one that has experience with addiction. I have a spectacular one that I can refer you to, if you'd like. He is great in email. My email address is olskoolru@gmail.com.

Also, are you sure things never look "normal" or is it just on certain days? If so, on those days, are there any other differences or symptoms you notice?

EndofDelta9 and JRL. Can you add somehong here to help Broken Stoner?
OSR

PS. Congrats on your 1.5 year anniversary. Huge milestone and one that IS NOT easy to get to!! I know that for a fact!
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#13

Postby endofdelta9 » Thu Oct 29, 2015 1:26 am

OSR is right it is a slow process or like Netty (a member) once said subtle and gradual
Broken stoner it will get better a Therapist once said it can take up to 3 years until the Marijuana bubble burst
but it will happen you are well on your way and have a tremendous surge with 1 and 1/2 year congrats from me too
i also thought i lost everything humor, cooking skills ,joy i am amazed that it is coming back
some time ago someone who also quit after extensive use said that he feels higher now then in his smoking time i am getting a flavor of this there are moments of joy and it reminds me of the time before i started to be habitual smoker a much greater joy because the joy of smoking is borrowed Chris sullivan the author of the book the joy of quitting cannabis writes there was a time where you did not need cannabis to make you feel better its like finding your way back and you are Broken stoner on your way i wish you the BEST
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#14

Postby olskoolru » Thu Oct 29, 2015 1:30 am

endofdelta9 wrote:OSR is right it is a slow process or like Netty (a member) once said subtle and gradual
Broken stoner it will get better a Therapist once said it can take up to 3 years until the Marijuana bubble burst
but it will happen you are well on your way and have a tremendous surge with 1 and 1/2 year congrats from me too
i also thought i lost everything humor, cooking skills ,joy i am amazed that it is coming back
some time ago someone who also quit after extensive use said that he feels higher now then in his smoking time i am getting a flavor of this there are moments of joy and it reminds me of the time before i started to be habitual smoker a much greater joy because the joy of smoking is borrowed Chris sullivan the author of the book the joy of quitting cannabis writes there was a time where you did not need cannabis to make you feel better its like finding your way back and you are Broken stoner on your way i wish you the BEST



"...the joy of smoking is borrowed"

Wow that is a powerful and truthful statement. When you return that joy, your body is like "WHAT THE ****!?" for like 2 years.

Thanks for posting End of Delta9
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