Thinking of relapsing 18 months

[adamzapple26]

What's up guys I'm 18 months into my journey and I'm still going through laws unfortunately. At this point I'm really just tired of it. In august I remember I decided to smoke through a whole week because I just wanted to be norm again. But sadly it just made me worse so I continued being weed free. I smoked about 5 times since then. Being in college, I also been drinking every weekend and I've done ecstasy about 5 times since september. Lately I just been feeling extremely depressed. I know I my journey is still strong since I haven't gone into a full blown relapse and although I've been drinking every weekend, I'm still not that person who I used to be, smoking 10 blunts everyday and getting drunk on the weekend. So despie the slip ups and drinking every weekend since September, I know I'm still progressing. However, I really can't go through this anymore. When I smoke my symptoms feel way worse, but o know if I start going pothead mode and smoke everyday then by 2 weeks I think I'll be feeling normal. Is that the case? Will I feel normal again if I start smoking everyday again? Tbh I rather go back to the person I was then continue being clean any further. Its too much right now especially with college, my mind is really going insane.

[Ihceik]

The problem isn't just weed. You seem to be abusing many drugs. What do you expect when you're drinking every weekend? Doing ecstasy? The point of being weed free is to be completely (as completely free as once can be) free from ALL mind altering drugs. Your brain is trying to recover from the abuse of weed and now you're just introducing different drugs. You're not giving you mind no time to heal. A lot of how you feeling is to also do with your diet. If you'r eating toxic, processed sh**, you're going to feel shitty and not satiated. With your current drug abuse problem. there is no doubt you're going to continue abusing to mask how sh** you feel. You have too many things against you and I can see why you feel as if you want to retreat to weed. But what you need to do is STOP those drug binges. Weed isn't your only enemy now.

[Actualizing intent]

Just hang in there, and let the difficult feelings pass. As you get older you see that there is often new normal that come up at different stages in life. We lose some things and just keep moving forward. Just ride out the waves of the bad feeling and keep off the pot, it won't get you anywhere but stuck and feeling more depressed. The better methods to calm oneself are things like learning more mastery of the mind and body. These things get worse with more pot. Good luck. You can do it.

[johnrlivingston]

Don't want to sound like a dick here, but you simply can't keep drinking & doing drugs. X 5 times since September??? No way your brain can heal & your behaviors change treating yourself this way.

You've got to remove these chemical safety-blankets that keep you trapped in the same patterns of behavior and the same trains of thought. The extreme discomfort you will feel doing so is life's way of saying you need to find better ways to socialize, recreate, entertain, and educate yourself.

Just stop it all, and then work towards being happy without any of that crap. It won't come easy, but it is achievable. It simply isn't possible to recover from one drug of abuse while abusing others.

[Fabulous Furnace]

Your journey is your journey... you've done well with your MJ usage. I know what you mean about feeling shitty when you smoke. I never thought that would happen to me but it has. It makes me miserable and guilty. It's so easy to light up and go back to old ways.
I personally don't drug anymore. I drink every once in a while but for me that means a beer. I don't get drunk and i don't get high. I figure that at my age, 52, I've done enough to my body and soul. Do what you know in your heart is the best thing for you...

FF