This is my story. 15 months sober

Postby Davinci » Tue Nov 24, 2015 6:28 pm

Hello all,

My story is similar to a lot of you guys here. I smoked weed from 18 to 25 and when I was 21 I develop a chronic depressive disorder triggered by weed. I was sure that was going to live that way forever. The main symptons I had was:

- Constant crying out of nowhere
- Chronic insomnia (that was so debilitating)
- Problems with relationships with my family and girlfriends (mostly because of my depression)
- Self Esteem problem
- Social Anxiety
- Generalized Anxiety.
- Anhedonia

So, about 15 months ago I decided that was time to stop smoking weed, since all the medications that I took it for depression wasnt doing anything for me. I took 11 differents medications and none of them helped me. I also went to therapy countless times and it also didn´t helped me. My problem was/is purely biological.

I still can´t say that i´m 100% but my sleep is better, my self esteem is better than ever, and I never thought I could have the social skills that weed "prevent" me to know. Of course I have a fear that i´m not going to recover 100% and feel like a "normal" person again, but I think that I just have to be patient with that.

I still have a lot of symptons like lack of motivation, tired a lot of the time and difficult falling asleep. But now I KNOW that I can get better, I just have to be patient and wait for the better. I´m dating this amazing girl and hoping to feel even better next year.

I would like to give special thanks to Olskoolru that always reply to my e-mails about my concerns about PAWS.

Sorry for my english, is not my native language.

I made this thread so I can come back here when things are not quite good (like today) and remembering that i´m slowly progressing.
Davinci
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#1

Postby endofdelta9 » Thu Nov 26, 2015 1:09 am

Hi Davinci
got a few things in common with you Olskoolru who also helped me tremendously i am 1 year and 4 Month today
and this is the best thing ever that i quit it gets better and better and you will be 100% and more
congratulations to you for your success it is enormous and a very hard thing to do Cannabis reminds me of Heroin it is good for a few times in the beginning and then you do it just to feel normal and getting off of it is as hard as they say
so you did something that not many can do gradual and subtle is the progress said another Member Netty is her name she is right i wish you the BEST Fellow quitter

DElta 9
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#2

Postby Davinci » Thu Nov 26, 2015 1:20 am

endofdelta9 wrote:Hi Davinci
got a few things in common with you Olskoolru who also helped me tremendously i am 1 year and 4 Month today
and this is the best thing ever that i quit it gets better and better and you will be 100% and more
congratulations to you for your success it is enormous and a very hard thing to do Cannabis reminds me of Heroin it is good for a few times in the beginning and then you do it just to feel normal and getting off of it is as hard as they say
so you did something that not many can do gradual and subtle is the progress said another Member Netty is her name she is right i wish you the BEST Fellow quitter

DElta 9


Thanks Delta9! I hope you are also feeling better from the PAWS.

What bother me the most is the problems with sleep. I think that of all the symptons the lack of sleep is the one that makes me really bad, because it reinforce the other symptons like depression and lack of motivation.

Another thing that is really hard to manage are the bad days and the goods days waves.

Two weeks ago I was 100%, like I finally able to feel something that I wasn´t feeling for years, it was JOY, simple JOY and gratitude to be alive, and it was amazing feeling. I reconnected with my positive and humorous guy that I once was, and I really want to feel that constantly and not for just a few days.

So, now im feeling really bad with depression, lack of motivation and struggling to get some sleep. But I try no to be deceived by my toughs of "You are never going to feel 100%" or some sh** like this.

It´s really hard my friend, but I don´t have another choice but wait for the better. Thanks for your support!
Davinci
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#3

Postby endofdelta9 » Thu Nov 26, 2015 2:06 am

Dear Davinci

i do not know if you exercise but i would say this is the best cure for sleep also self hypnosis there are tapes that you can get hold on to this Joy this is your guiding Light for sure

i know what you mean with the humor mine was gone for a while but it all comes back my joy to support you you are wellcome

your english is great very expressive how you describe i am also not of english nativeness

exercise also takes away depression you have already wind in your wings with all this time that you are out of this borrowed joy of Mj i love how you wrote about the joy

D9
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#4

Postby Davinci » Thu Nov 26, 2015 2:02 pm

endofdelta9 wrote:Dear Davinci

i do not know if you exercise but i would say this is the best cure for sleep also self hypnosis there are tapes that you can get hold on to this Joy this is your guiding Light for sure

i know what you mean with the humor mine was gone for a while but it all comes back my joy to support you you are wellcome

your english is great very expressive how you describe i am also not of english nativeness

exercise also takes away depression you have already wind in your wings with all this time that you are out of this borrowed joy of Mj i love how you wrote about the joy

D9


When I hit the 10 months mark I was finally able to get out more. I started to run about 10kms every two days and I also started to do bodyweight exercise. I never been so fit in my life.

For me the exercise don´t help that much in my sleep, but I do it anyway.

Hugs man! I hope I´ll feel the good waves of joy and gratitude soon.
Davinci
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#5

Postby yayada65 » Thu Nov 26, 2015 6:06 pm

Hi guys im 14 months free and its similar to u. Still difficult, anxiety, lost my sense of humour ect, but closer than ever to the recovery. Just eep moving forward guys. For me right now its tougher than ever. At the begining i was able to manage all of what is happening cuz i knew it was the beginning of my journey. When u hit 14 months and ur life still sucks its really really really really hard. So i think that the worst is this period between 1 year and the full recovery. Simply because it is the last step of the process
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#6

Postby NateTGreat » Thu Nov 26, 2015 7:27 pm

I agree yadayda. I just hit 17 months cannabis free last week and I still do not feel well. Everyday I am dealing with some physical, mental or emotional symptom. Today in particular, I woke up with a splitting headache in a dizzy, lightheaded daze. Also, feeling very sluggish and depressed. It feels very similar to a hangover, and I haven't had a drink of alcohol in 4 years. All of these symptoms come out of nowhere without explanation. I am seriously thinking of trying hemp-based CBD oil in hopes of helping me level out and feel normal on a regular basis. Or do I have to wait longer until things get better? I am at my rope's end and no doctor can help me as every single test always comes back normal in their eyes. If all tests are normal then why do I feel like sh** all the time!!?? They just want to give me anti depressants, etc. What do I do!?
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#7

Postby yayada65 » Thu Nov 26, 2015 7:34 pm

Hi,

Just wait man. You're at 17 months. there is 7 months yet for your 2nd year mark. It is enormous. These 7 months would add recovery. just wait the 2 years mark.
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#8

Postby Davinci » Thu Nov 26, 2015 8:02 pm

yayada65 wrote:Hi guys im 14 months free and its similar to u. Still difficult, anxiety, lost my sense of humour ect, but closer than ever to the recovery. Just eep moving forward guys. For me right now its tougher than ever. At the begining i was able to manage all of what is happening cuz i knew it was the beginning of my journey. When u hit 14 months and ur life still sucks its really really really really hard. So i think that the worst is this period between 1 year and the full recovery. Simply because it is the last step of the process


I agree with you. We tend to think "OMG 15 months and i´m still feeling this symptons, something is wrong"

Im having a lot of those toughts in the last 2 weeks, but I keep remembering that I´m actually better than the first months.

I had maybe 10 days were I feel 100% during this 15 months, and it´s f***ing diffcult. But I hope that when I reach the 2 year mark I will be able to look backwards and see how this recovery was something valueble in my life.

I hope you also get better YaYada!

Let me ask you, what are you symtpons? Did you experienced days were you felt 100% normal?
Davinci
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#9

Postby Davinci » Thu Nov 26, 2015 8:04 pm

NateTGreat wrote:I agree yadayda. I just hit 17 months cannabis free last week and I still do not feel well. Everyday I am dealing with some physical, mental or emotional symptom. Today in particular, I woke up with a splitting headache in a dizzy, lightheaded daze. Also, feeling very sluggish and depressed. It feels very similar to a hangover, and I haven't had a drink of alcohol in 4 years. All of these symptoms come out of nowhere without explanation. I am seriously thinking of trying hemp-based CBD oil in hopes of helping me level out and feel normal on a regular basis. Or do I have to wait longer until things get better? I am at my rope's end and no doctor can help me as every single test always comes back normal in their eyes. If all tests are normal then why do I feel like sh** all the time!!?? They just want to give me anti depressants, etc. What do I do!?


Hey Nate! Sorry to hear that you are still feeling bad. But remember that some of the forum members like Olskooru needed 24 months to feel ok.

Do you had day where you feel 100% during recovery?
Davinci
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#10

Postby yayada65 » Thu Nov 26, 2015 8:23 pm

Man this f***ing process if just so weird. There are like you maybe 8 days i was really feeling good. Only for several hours though no all the day long. But once i have a bad day i feel like these good days were not really good days in fact, if u compare with who i was before smoking. so i dont know im a bit lost. the fact that u cannot speak of this to anyonelse (expecting here) cuz nobody can understand, is also very frustrating. sometimes i just want tell people im like this temporary guys dont worry u will discover who i am really in few months. they would really think im mad. you know my first expectations were to feel good at 3months.... i realized it would be longer, so i just was hoping to get better at one year.. nothing changed.. so now my expectations are 2 years... but what if.. ? you see, all these thoughts.. really frustrating. late at night before sleeping im always thinking about my current life if i would have never smoked.
one thing that is really really frustrating is that when ur in this process u have so much hate for people and for everything.
so yes i do feel better than at my first month; but do i feel as i was expecting to feel 15 months after the beggining of my process ? NO. And this makes me negative and hopeless.
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#11

Postby Davinci » Thu Nov 26, 2015 10:46 pm

yayada65 wrote:Man this f***ing process if just so weird. There are like you maybe 8 days i was really feeling good. Only for several hours though no all the day long. But once i have a bad day i feel like these good days were not really good days in fact, if u compare with who i was before smoking. so i dont know im a bit lost. the fact that u cannot speak of this to anyonelse (expecting here) cuz nobody can understand, is also very frustrating. sometimes i just want tell people im like this temporary guys dont worry u will discover who i am really in few months. they would really think im mad. you know my first expectations were to feel good at 3months.... i realized it would be longer, so i just was hoping to get better at one year.. nothing changed.. so now my expectations are 2 years... but what if.. ? you see, all these thoughts.. really frustrating. late at night before sleeping im always thinking about my current life if i would have never smoked.
one thing that is really really frustrating is that when ur in this process u have so much hate for people and for everything.
so yes i do feel better than at my first month; but do i feel as i was expecting to feel 15 months after the beggining of my process ? NO. And this makes me negative and hopeless.


I know the feeling of thinking how our life was going to be if we never had smoked weed. I try not to think because it really bring me down, since this problem with depression **** my career and a lot of other aspects of my life.

But hey man. We are going to feel good! We need to believe this... and when that happen we will come back here to celebrate!!!! Hang on!!!
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#12

Postby endofdelta9 » Fri Nov 27, 2015 12:11 am

all of you are so right i the beginning when i quit and did a lot of research i read that a drug psychotherapist said it can take up to 3 years until the Marijuana bubble burst that gives a timeframe of patience and that would explain why some one after 1 or 2 years is still not okay but it is going there and all of you have made great progress and is to be greatly admired of course a toker by nature wants to have it all right now and to go against that wave is something wow so all of you are very strong and greatly admired and of course the King Olskoolru who is a guiding Light on this Forum who showed us all the Way

Bless you all from my Heart D9
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#13

Postby Davinci » Fri Nov 27, 2015 12:15 am

endofdelta9 wrote:all of you are so right i the beginning when i quit and did a lot of research i read that a drug psychotherapist said it can take up to 3 years until the Marijuana bubble burst that gives a timeframe of patience and that would explain why some one after 1 or 2 years is still not okay but it is going there and all of you have made great progress and is to be greatly admired of course a toker by nature wants to have it all right now and to go against that wave is something wow so all of you are very strong and greatly admired and of course the King Olskoolru who is a guiding Light on this Forum who showed us all the Way

Bless you all from my Heart D9


Thanks D9. Share with us, how are you feeling this days? How long since you quit?
Davinci
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#14

Postby endofdelta9 » Fri Nov 27, 2015 1:15 am

Dear Davinci

thank you for asking i have this flashes of Joy out of nowhere and it is getting better and better the whole paranoia of smoking is gone i am out 1 year and 4 month to the day i never smoked the strong stuff more the leaf i grew it myself but in the end i had huge amounts available and even leaf is way stronger now so i cut back but Ru informed me that withdrawal starts right there thats when the whole trouble started i could not smoke it anymore without having panic attacks so i was forced to quit and then i realized what am i doing to myself i am hitting myself withe the hammer for o little bit of borrowed joy i am very happy to report that it was so worth it to stop that live is better without it it takes a while to get there but if you stick with it you will for sure its a live with out the constant fear ...someone once said all medicine has side effects and the side effect of cannabis is paranoia ( no exception ) some people can hide it better

i read about a guy who had to take xanax every time he smoked a joint to counter act the anxiety i will post his marvelous account on the forum soon

Love and blessings to you all
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