It's been a while since I last posted, so probably most new comers don't know the issues I had to face while withdrawing from marijuana.
I quit smoking 3 years and 11 months ago and experienced severe withdrawal symptoms which lasted for aproximately two years. But that's not the end of the story. I still had to undo some damage I made to my thinking pattern and currently I am working on improving myself and will probably do this for the rest of my life.
3 years ago I was a complete mess. I was permanently thinking I had ruined my life for good and that I'll never get better and the best thing I could do is to commit suicide or go and hide somewhere where there isn't any human being on a radius of 50 kilometers, for the rest of my life....
I had no hope left and desperation had filled my entire being.
I guess I owe it alot to uncommonforum, to the support I got from my suffering parteners (here I mention Netty - I hope you're doing great!) and to the reason that I had people to whom I shared my story and they non-judgmentally understood. This, few friends of mine, beautiful girls and my stubbornnes helped me fight this tremendous battle and overcome what I consider it to be the biggest test of my life.
So, where am I now?
Things got ALOT better, both on the inside and on the outside. I really am a different person. A normal person with good days and bad days, a person that doesn't take life for granted anymore. I became a responsible adult and though i'm only 26 years old, in 4 months I am going to become a father and start my own familly. Yes, of course I still have some bothering thoughts, some concerns about the future... but now I understand this is a normal part of our human experience and it doesn't scare me anymore.
I feel focused on my tasks, I feel motivated to find solutions to any problems or challenges I experience on my path, I am more sociable, started speaking in public and doing things I never thought I could do. And starting my own family was one of them.
I can't say for sure that the nervousness I often experience is PAWS related ( I remember being like this before I even started smoking weed) but this is one of the issues I am currently working on improving and I know it is just a matter of time until i'll change it into something more productive. (hey, we all have flaws after all...)
Another thing that I have to change and repair on the inside, is the lack of smiling. I forgot how to smile from the bottom of my heart. I know PAWS was a very intense experience and probably left me a bit shocked, so I usually look as if I am going to kill someone ( I just look that way..... well... sometimes I could punch somebody at least
).Becoming better is a lifelong struggle and learning, which none of us can avoid, but overall.... I am proud to say I overcame addiction and PAWS.
For all those still fighting this battle I wish you best of luck and stay strong! Read as much as you can about personal development and never give up on the things you desire to accomplish.