A battle with PAWS, very motivating and inspiring story.

Postby adamzapple26 » Tue Dec 29, 2015 7:29 am

Although i'm only 19, I can say that I've been through a lot of sh**.. more sh** than people twice my age. I grew up poor donkey hell in a bad neighborhood, hung out with the wrong crowd and started to indulge myself into illegal activities. All my friends were always older than me and therefore, I looked up to them and followed their steps. At the age of 13 I was breaking into cars, robbing people, and getting drunk every other day. My mom never had a job and she suffered from severe anger management and my dad was always working. Long story short, my mom mentally abused me calling me a piece of sh** every day growing up, making me feel like i was worthless inside and although my dad was always an amazing person, I never really got to spend time with him and being so young I didn't appreciate the fact that he was working his donkey off every day to keep a roof over my head.

As I got a little bit older I started to hang out with a different crowd(my cousin and his friends which were also older than me), I kind of woke up. Although these guys were all college students with high grades, employed, and motivated mindsets, they also were all really drug dealers who smoked weed all day every day, did drugs on the weekend,and what not. Again, I looked up to them and followed their steps. I got a full time job at 16, did Ok at school, and started selling pounds of weed. I was making a TON of money..... i felt unstoppable. these guys told me that I was young and that I shouldn't worry about saving money or anything. So I listened and started to waste all my money on weed, drugs, and partying.

I was 15-16 making about $1,000 a week. Everyone my age looked at me as if I was crazy and told me that I was gonna go nowhere in life smoking so much weed and doing drugs and what not, but I didn't care, I looked at them as if they were haters wanting to be me...making a ton of money at my age, smoking hella weed, and partying all the time. A couple years later I got caught.... my dad found about 3 oz's in my closet, a stash of money, a scale, and etc. He gave me a huge speech and basically told me that if I didn't stop he would kick me out of the family and I would be living in the streets. This made me want to take a break. I told myself that I was gonna chill for a couple months and start again.I had about $20,000 stacked up so I didn't care if I had to stop for a couple of months . As two weeks of sobriety passed, EVERYTHING hit me, I got panic attacks like crazy, depression 24/7 anxiety everything in the book. At this time I new I had a problem and the craziest part of it all is that I always thought that I was perfectly normal. Long story short, I stayed clean for the next 14 months.

With will power, I fought all the withdrawal symptoms and I kept myself distracted by working full time while still attending school. Let me tell you that those 14 months WERE THE HARDEST 14 MONTHS OF MY f***ing LIFE. I swear to everything, when I was going through what I was going through, I felt like I had no purpose in life. Everyday I woke up hating my life wishing that i rather have broken every bone in my body rather than fighting this addiction. Well guess what... 14 MONTHS LATER I AM BORN ONCE AGAIN(even though I still had withdrawal symptoms, but they were nowhere as severe). My mentality has completely changed... I seriously couldn't believe the person I was in the past. I thought I was much more mature. I stopped hanging out with all my friends and started to look into several universities. I enrolled at a great University and did a summer program for 2 free 3 credit courses this past summer. I finished with a 3.6 gpa and I was more ready then ever to start school in the fall.

WOMP, I decided to dorm and it was the worst idea ever. Slutty girls, drugs, parties, and weed EVERYWHERE. The peer pressure was too much, everyone thought I was a very fun and outgoing person and therefore, everyone wanted to party with me. I Know some may say " Oh don't blame it on others, blame it on yourself". Hmmm... well in my perspective it goes both ways. If i stayed home and commuted I know I would've stayed completely clean, but sh** happens So even if your closest friends are potheads who smoke all the time, i'm telling you.... STAY AWAY.I know it's hard knowing that they may be amazing friends despite being potheads, but i'ts the only way.

Next thing you know I was drinking, doing drugs every weekend, and smoking A LOT of weed. The semester ended and I found myself with $7,000 of what I originally had and a 2.6 GPA. Thanks to the summer program I did, the grades backed up these bad ones and my overall GPA is 3.0 (whatever I guess). WELL, I LEARNED MY f***ing LESSON. I OFFICIALLY DROPPED ALL MY FRIENDS.... including those that I met in college.I don't plan on hanging out with anyone anymore, only those who are on the path way to success. If you don't wanna talk about calculus with me after class, then no... i'm not gonna partake in having a beer or whatever the socializing activity may be.

With the $7,000 I had left, i bought myself a used car so i could commute next semester, **** DORMING. This time I'm dead serious. Despite all the illegal sh** and what not I have done in the past, I never got in trouble with the cops. I never had a record and I believe that I was blessed. God made me go through this battle so I can come out stronger than ever and change the world. I remember telling myself before that I'll probably smoke again in the future once i'm done with withdrawal as an occasional user, but not anymore. TBH, I never really liked how i felt during the times i got high this past fall semester. I kept smoking to hide all the pain away and to act like I was having fun with all my college peers.WELL GUESS WHAT, today is day 9 of being sober!!!. I AM NEVER SMOKING AGAIN. I learned my lesson, and I know now that even if I did start, I wouldn't enjoy it even though I may crave it.

Was this 2 month relapse of smoking every day beneficial for me wanting to quit more ( I don't know), but I'm changing my ways, I don't want to be a worthless piece of sh** to society. I wanna be somebody meaningful in this life, I wanna be successful, I wanna get married, own a business, and possibly become rich.

I started looking at a lot of motivational and lecture videos on you tube and it has inspired in many ways. I subscribed to the famous " Tai Lopez" on you tube and listened to his speeches. If nobody knows him, hes the guy in the advertisements bragging about how he's more pleased with tons of books rather then the Lamborghini and Ferrari in his garage. If you guys haven't watched his videos yet... go and do it, I highly recommend it. He talks about building habits that will completely change your life from negative to positive. One of the biggest habits he talks about developing is reading books everyday. After multiple videos, this really got to me. I got a flashback of a coworker of mine telling me " Adam.... remember this. What you are currently doing now... is what you will be doing 5 years from now". As I got this flashback, I knew that it was possible for me to truly build new habits and become successful. So 2 days ago I spent $500 on books( now I have $100 in my bank account lol, but i'm gonna start working before school starts so it's ok). Today some of them came in ( thanks to amazon prime lol) and I've been reading for about 4 hours straight right now.

I made a schedule for myself next semester. I'm gonna wake up every morning at 7 am, go to Starbucks, read for a few hours, go to class, go to work, go to the gym, go home and work on my assignments, and do the same the next day. I know if I keep doing this I will build the habit and be a productive human being to society. My goal is to graduate college, make my dad proud, enter the workforce and move up in life.

I also want to share my story to you guys and to the world. I WANNA LET PEOPLE KNOW THAT ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD IS POSSIBLE NO MATTER WHERE YOU COME FROM. AS I SAID IN THE FIRST SENTENCE.... i'm 19 Years old, but i feel much more mature.I already lived the life, I had fun, but this sh** is not cute anymore. I'm ready to conquer everything that's coming my way. Withdrawal symptoms may feel worse for the next few months, but i'm not afraid, I've been through it before, I know what to expect. I got better at 14 months, therefore... I know i'll get better again. FOR ANYONE ELSE STRUGGLING OUT THERE, IT DOES GET BETTER.... DON'T GIVE UP, WE"RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER.

Much love~ Adamzapple
Junior Member
Posts: 54
Joined: Sat Dec 06, 2014 5:46 am
Likes Received: 9


Postby desperate788 » Tue Dec 29, 2015 7:39 am

Thank you for motivating words your capitalised sentences are morale boosting
User avatar
Super Member
Posts: 40753
Joined: Tue May 13, 2008 3:39 pm
Likes Received: 99


Postby slick_willy » Sun Apr 10, 2016 6:43 pm

Hey adamzapple, it looks like you made this post right after you quit. Have you made any progress?
Full Member
Posts: 178
Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2016 8:56 pm
Likes Received: 57

  • Similar Topics
    Last post

Return to Addictions