Uglier than my friends

Postby chloeuk » Mon Jan 25, 2016 11:00 pm

My two best friends are very very thin. They have long thin legs and flat stomachs and flat chests and almost no hips and on and on. They are very popular with men and always have boyfriends / flirts. And there's me... i do have a pretty face, i am not morbidly obese but i have hips, and boobs and not a flat stomach. Even though i am also tall, i feel like the ugliest person on earth compared to my friends. Plus the fact that no man ever approaches me and always hit on my friends next to me. This is so soooo tiering and i come to be very jealous and to insult my friends (in my head) when they haven't asked for it. I tried to talk about it with them but all they say is "come on you're so so beautiful and love will come, and you don't have to be jealous of us or to be mad at us because we cannot do anything about it" and i just feel so so so bad when they say that because i feel like they're only saying it to me because they know i am not gonna steal their thunder and i am always gonna be the "nice and funny friend" with whom they won't have to be in a competition because men will prefer them. I am now 20, never had a boyfriend, never had sex and been feeling this bad since i was like 15. It never changed. I am not saying i need a man to feel fullfilled but it would just feel good to be the one we find pretty for once. Have you ever been in the same situation? What should I do? Should I just accept that I will never be approached by any guy?
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#1

Postby instilledconfidence » Tue Jan 26, 2016 9:01 pm

OK for starters let me tell you this. No one and I mean NO ONE is going to like you, much less love you, until you love yourself. You need to start looking at your positive qualities and accepting who you are. You have supportive friends it seems but maybe you need to find some people to hang out with that you don't allow you to feel so bad around them. As far as a man or a relationship goes, quit looking, it happens at the time it is meant to be.

I'm sure in time you will meet someone, and you will be happy, just be careful not to accept a man because you just want one. That can lead to further frustration. Give things time. Take that time to build your self-esteem and your confidence first. Find activities that you can do to build your self esteem. Get a makeover, buy a new outfit, be more social. You don't need to feel this way! You are beautiful both inside and out and when you feel like you are, people will see it too!

I would rather go through my whole life only having one man and loving once than to go after relationship after relationship unhappy. Let it happen on its own in due time. Fix you first! Good luck to you and I hope maybe this helps even a little bit.
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#2

Postby jenn_ » Wed Feb 10, 2016 5:11 am

Feeling ugly doesn't mean you are ugly. You may not possess the qualities of standard beauty. But believe it or not, there are people who can appreciate your beauty. There are simple things you can do to improve your attractiveness, like dressing decently, taking care of your skin and eat healthily, etc. Doing these little things can't help you to become as popular as your two best friends. Accept that this is the reality. And your goal is to maximize your happiness given the cruel reality.

Be more objective in reviewing your relationship with your two best friends. Don't let competition over guys, jealousy, etc affects your judgement and ruin your valuable friendship. Do you have some shared good memories? Do they have other nice personalities that you appreciate? Open yourself to them and let them see your struggles. Communication and sincerity is the key here.

It's always important to know what what you want. If you want a guy or a relationship, approach guys by yourself if they don't approach you. If you want someone to prove your attraction or feel good about yourself, then you should work on self esteem, develop yourself instead of finding a guy to complete you.

I would advise you read books about self image, attraction and relationships.

Hope it helps! Good luck!
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#3

Postby cynthialeighton » Wed Feb 10, 2016 6:43 pm

instilledconfidence wrote: start looking at your positive qualities and accepting who you are.


Focusing on your positive qualities will help you like and love who you are -- and in that you will accept yourself, as a human being.

Humans are package deals, so to speak! Good things and foibles alike.
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#4

Postby Kiruba Murugesh » Thu Feb 11, 2016 5:20 pm

"Face is the index of the mind"

Keep smilling :D and think positive about yourself. It makes you feel great.
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#5

Postby samantha_sm » Thu Feb 11, 2016 7:21 pm

I agree with all comments above. I would also like to point out that often the environment in which we live makes us feel in a certain, unhealthy way. I was in a situation where I felt I was the stupidest of all my friends and thought they made fun of me behind my back. I took their comments very seriously. This made me feel so unappreciated and affected my self-esteem. I decided it is time to change this "unhealthy" environment and started attending events in the area to meet new people. This didn't change the comments of my friends, instead it changed me. I stopped carrying that much about what others say. I even attributed it to the fact that they want to make me feel less worthy so that they can feel greater. I realized that it doesn't matter what the others say. All it matters is how you feel.

I know my story isn't the same but I hope you could find a way to apply my learning to your situation.

Be brave, believe in yourself and keep on smiling.
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#6

Postby handheart » Sat Feb 13, 2016 12:56 pm

Well i want to tell you that in this world are people sufering from bad diseas like Hiv ,Cancer they are blind or they cannoy go on their feet .I know ugly ugly people who find their love and they live hapyy .Be optmistic ,read law of attraction ,self esteem materials etc you will gain your confidence
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#7

Postby Ivelostcount » Mon Feb 15, 2016 9:19 pm

May I offer a different perspective? Maybe thin and no curves, no chest isn't really what is attractive to men. I know for a fact men are naturally drawn to curves (what I call real women). You should truly be proud of yourself and who you are.

I'm a man. I've also felt in my life I wasn't attractive. Or wasn't as attractive as certain friends. Or women give more attention to other guys than that did me. I've also come to realize, I think too much!! I'm inside my head constantly worrying about this and that, and not actually living in the moment. And when you over think, it's easy to get negative on yourself and others. I truly believe this almost eminates some sort of negative energy to others. People can sense this person isn't happy, or isn't approachable. And won't approach you, because something in your body language or your energy is telling them this person doesn't want to talk, or doesn't like me.

Just speaking from experience and offering a different viewpoint! :)
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#8

Postby cynthialeighton » Wed Feb 17, 2016 12:27 am

Ivelostcount wrote: won't approach you, because something in your body language or your energy is telling them this person doesn't want to talk, or doesn't like me.

Just speaking from experience and offering a different viewpoint! :)


Paying attention to our body language and the energy we give off is a good idea.
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#9

Postby Purple_Monkey » Sat Mar 05, 2016 5:03 pm

Honestly, I don't think that your body is a main problem. I have almost the same appearance as your friends. I am tall, slim with long legs and very small breasts and hips and guys are usually not atracted to me. On the other hand, there are a lot of curvy and chubby girls who are very popular. It is quite dificult to be liked by guys, if you have a low selfesteem and feel unatractive. Your thoughts and behavior may be much more important than your appereince. At my adolescence I used to think that men like only super skinny girls and starved myself almost to death. It was the worst thing I've ever done in my life and believe me it doesn't help me at all. Guys didn't pay any attention on a "super skinny" me, instead I lost most of my friends and became very lonely and isolated. Now I've gained to a healthy weight, but still dealing with some health problems, which were caused by my Eating Disorder. I hope, you don't repeat my mistake.
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#10

Postby tijmenklip » Sun Mar 06, 2016 8:56 pm

As a man speaking here. There are ton of ways girls/women can be attractive besides their looks.
As elaborated in the comments above, a lot of it comes from loving/accepting yourself though.

Men are attracted to; intelligence, humour, strong character, quirkiness/uniqueness, optimism, joy and a whole host of other features you already have or can develop!

So pick up yourself, stop hating your friends for who they are and work on yourself!

There is a lot of potential within you! BUt YOU have to bring it out. WIth some effort you will find that most cool and interesting guys do not go for just looks, but for many other aspects!

besides, you are probably prettier than you think!
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#11

Postby handheart » Fri Mar 18, 2016 5:37 am

Wow i please that this thought delete from your mind : Should I just accept that I will never be approached by any guy?
Well maybe you are not looking good but i asure you that this are not the only qualitics in life .top being jelous on your friends you will get fustrated ,angry ,and pesimistic .be happy for them and you will atract good things in your life
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