parents triggering old eating disorder

Postby am301164 » Sat Feb 06, 2016 1:37 pm

I'm 16 years old. I used to be heavy during elementary school, but I lost weight when I was 13. I did that by not eating and starving myself. I made myself throw up several times and cut my arms and legs almost every day. My parents constantly told me I had to lose weight, and it wasn't helping me feel better. When I started going out more, it was gone unless something triggered it. I decided to go vegetarian at 14. Since then, I've been pretty active, but had a hard time doing cardio because of my breasts (currently an F cup). Doctors told me to avoid running and jumping. During the last 6 months I've been going to the gym, lost a lot of fat and gained a lot of muscle mass. I gained 10 kilograms, but I look leaner and more toned. I've been eating healthier than ever. Two days ago I started having severe back pains after doing crunches, and my parents drove me to a hospital.since then, they constantly tell me I'm too fat, unhealthy and lazy. I feel so unattractive and disgusting.. I don't want to eat. My parents do this every time I start feeling better about the way I look and I can't stand it anymore. I'm terrified of going back to my old habits. But no matter how hard I try to make them understand how much they're hurting me, they never stop. What can I do??
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Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sat Feb 06, 2016 2:31 pm

What can you do?

Well, at least from what you have written in here it seems you don't recognize your selective bias. This is fairly common and normal. Selective bias is where you present all or mostly positives about yourself and all or mostly negatives about others. You select information to support your world view. It is like looking in a mirror, seeing what you want to see, and not recognizing you are being biased.

In this case, you present how you are a vegan that works out and goes to the gym and tries to live healthy. On the other side you present your parents that for some inexplicable reason are not capable of seeing how you lead such a healthy lifestyle. According to you they don't recognize your efforts and instead call you lazy. Do you see the problem with this story? Do you recognize the bias?

How tall are you and how much do you weigh?
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Postby Christine132456 » Mon Feb 08, 2016 9:03 pm

I have been through an eating disorder too. May I ask how heavy you are at the moment?
My parents were the opposite, they wanted me to become heavier because they realised it wasn't healthy that I was starving myself.
Please tell me your weight stages and we can talk more about it :)
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Postby samantha_sm » Thu Feb 11, 2016 7:06 pm

I am so sorry you feel unattractive and disgusting. No one should feel this way. Never.

I don't know if there is a selective bias in this story. I guess only someone knowing both sides of the coin might answer this question. What I would suggest is going to a nutritionist who would tell you what is healthy for you and what not. In addition, you should definitely continue being active but only doing those sports which you can and which does not put your health in risk. I think this could also make your parents stop being judgmental and hopefully would turn them into supportive parents as they should be.

Wish you the best of luck.
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Postby Purple_Monkey » Fri Mar 04, 2016 4:38 pm

I agree with samantha_sm and also recomend you to go to the nutritionist and ask for advice. You can approximately calculate your normal weight using BMI calculator.
May be you should try to talk to your parents about your feelings and thoughts. Explain to them, that it really hurts you when they call you fat and tell them about your weight loss progress.
Don't starve yourself, just eat healthy and workout. Remember you can't be liked by everyone. First of all you should be healthy. A lot of girls has serious health problems trying to look like super models.
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Postby Hovehypnotherapist » Sat Mar 05, 2016 4:20 pm

This may be an obvious question; Have you communicated to your parents exactly how you feel when they say and do these things that upset you? It's important to tell them in a way that isn't confrontational, not so easy I realise. Giving specific examples of what they say that upsets you is important. So saying something like ' When you constantly say things like " " I feel like " ". Also avoid saying 'you make me feel' It's then important to communicate to them that you love them and want them to support you in living your life, accepting the struggles and difficulties that go along with an eating disorder. And then ask them if they want that to? You then need to work out with them the best way they can do that.
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