What girl w/ common sense would want to marry me?

Postby living1 » Fri Mar 04, 2016 2:46 am

I'm not legally blind or anything (yet) My mother is and I inherited her eyes. I was born with extreme myopia, and grew up with bottle thick glasses. I was so ashamed of it I went in for eye surgery at 18 and had artificial lenses implanted in both eyes thinking it would magically fix everything. The lenses I had implanted are for some reason abnormally "shiny' and I have terrible glares and i basically can't drive at night (at least i shouldn't) Not to mention I actually still need to wear BIFOCAL glasses which i dont. I just rely on reading glasses more than an 80 year old and make do with my distance vision.

Here's the problem... I am a single 21 year old man. I am built well, good looking and hard working, shouldn't have any problems with confidence on a first date to meet a woman right? Well If i am sitting in a dimly lit area of a restaraunt with a light hanging low above the table, the glares basically cover the other persons face to the extent that i can't even see their facial expressions. Check out what's on the menu or show me a picture on your phone? Yeah let me just pull out my reading glasses like an old person. Leave the restaurant? Oh yeah it's dark and i can't see to drive. Oh you want to have kids one day? I hope you don't mind that they will probably be born with eye problems that will give them hell their whole life. You want to travel when you retire? Hope you have fun because I'll probably be blind as a bat when I'm in the position to retire.

WTF am i supposed to do?! I talk to a good friend about it and told them that the day my eyes go is the day I go and that I am considering a vasectomy so I don't have kids that have these problems. I want a family but I would never adopt (it's just not me) and I am terrified that my kids would have the same problems as me. Not to mention that I am picky about choosing a girl (ironically) and how am I suppose to find someone that would want to marry into all this mess?!

P.S due to my specific vision problems, surgical correction options are pretty limited. and obviously might not have the best results.
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Postby jenn_ » Fri Mar 04, 2016 8:04 am

Further develop your strengths and make them obvious so that they can make up for your eye issues

I can't speak for other girls. I personally wouldn't mind if my boyfriend has some eye issues cause he is so good in many other ways. And no kids is okay for me.

Everything is possible. Be positive!
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Postby tijmenklip » Sun Mar 06, 2016 9:05 pm

This is the only issue? You can not define yourself by this problem!

Be upfront about it, tell people you have trouble with your eyes, it is a fact! If your date is going to be succesful, and a few dates after that as well, you need to tell anyway. So tell people. It is a minor issue in your life you have attached way too many negative emotions too. Accept it as it is. Flaunt this insecurity until it becomes your strength!

There are many people who start off blind! So enjoy the sight you have left to go on these dates. You already told all the other major positive traits you have, so don't worry too much and be positive about it!
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Postby All in the mind » Sat Mar 12, 2016 2:30 pm

Wear your glasses from the first moment so that they can be the judge of whether it's a problem for them. It's only an issue because you are making it an issue. When you can accept that you are good enough, others will be attracted to you. When you run away from yourself, other follow.
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Postby Zioniaus » Mon Mar 14, 2016 2:04 am

Surgical options may be limited, but they are still present if needed, always remember that. Past that, count your blessings and relax on the marriage front, desperately needing a partner is built upon an exploitative media society (I hate this) and a redundant biological objective to ensure the survival of the species, so just slow down and take a stroll through life instead of a frantic sprint, you've got time, you're young. Also no offense to anybody who likes restaurants, but screw restaurants, enjoy your hobbies, join a book club, a writing club, I dunno maybe dancing? the early years of the late teens and early twenties are where the media pressure and biological reactions are screaming "FIND YOUR SOULMATE" (still hate this) but there's no need to rush, quell the biological impulse, ignore the media pressure and enjoy yourself, have fun, explore, and if you find someone without searching for them, then great, I'll show up and scoff the wedding cake. Just remember; every problem has a solution, birth defects can be fixed, defective genomes can be corrected, implants or prosthetics are advancing at an amazing pace, so imagine how great improvements on present body parts are. But whatever, digressing aside, slow down, relax, enjoy yourself and don't be pressured by biology or society to rush your life, you're still young.
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Postby Sunflower 1986 » Mon Dec 19, 2016 4:22 pm

Personally I would not be put off by someone having eye issues or most mild disabilities. But low self esteem is a big turn off. I would much prefer someone to be confident in themselves with or without a disability. As for the child issue, your running before you are walking. When you meet the right person and decide to settle down you can decide what to do, there are lots of options for you to consider down the line. Maybe some kind of counselling would help you develop your esteem in yourself because it sounds your negative self views are going to affect any relationship at present.
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Postby Harrison57 » Mon Dec 19, 2016 5:16 pm

As soon as you stop looking you will find her.

Also your kids will be luckily to have a Dad who overcame low self asteem like you will and when they have problems you'll be a good person to talk to.

Don't put yourself down, my husband is goofy as hell but you know what he makes me laugh like no other man and that's why I love him. He too wears glasses and I think he's sexy as hell!
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Postby TheCloud » Wed Dec 21, 2016 4:44 pm

Is your myopia a problem that can be genetically screened for? It depends on your and the woman's opinions on the matter, but if it's something that can be tested for, it's possible to do a Selective Embryo Transfer procedure to eliminate the possibility that the child will inherit your disorder.
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