I don't know who I am anymore

Postby Tess_16 » Sat Mar 12, 2016 4:18 pm


I am new here, and I feel more comfortable after reading other posts, to talk about myself. Thank you for reading this.

The last three years have been hell to me, I am a foreign student in Paris, I have nobody here (family), I started working, paying bills, and going to uni here...etc, but the thing is I never trust myself in any kind of situation, I did use to have a low self-esteem but now it got worse, I am not doing well in my exams, can't concentrate, always comparing myself to others. I am not the tall, hot girl, I a not ugly neither, but I always see myself as the ugliest, worst person, If I am having a problem with someone, I always blame myself for it even when I am right. My love life isn't at its best as well, the guy I like is interested in another girl, I am bringing this up because at first he seemed to like me, but this girl is different than me, she confident, beautiful, and she even goes out with a guy just so he could help her at uni(She admits it), I want to be her...

I want to be confident, I want to stop treating myself in a bad way, I used to be clever now I feel stupid, I feel like I am lost and nobody cares, and that everyone hates me, I am becoming agressive and thinking about committing suicide, I've wanted to but couldn't...

I wish could give you more details but there are so many things happening to me, so I just share how I feel.
I am afraid this affects my life, I don't want to disappoint my parents who believe in me, but I don't have control over my emotions, though I am mature enough and been throw a lot, but I am fed up...

I am not a native English speaker, forgive me for my English...
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Postby avpol » Sat Mar 12, 2016 8:41 pm

First of all, you should calm down. Then, you should address the issue of (lack of) self-confidence. To calm down, try meditation, breathing work or some hypnosis CD (plenty of them on the Internet). To boost your self-confidence, try hypnosis or online counseling. Meditation could help, too.
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Postby moonwalk_hi » Sun Mar 13, 2016 7:41 am

I'm a guy. But I think you shouldn't think negatively of yourself like that. Be more positive. You can do it my friend. The way I would suggest to you to overcome your "fearness" and depression is practising religion, for instance, Buddhism or yoga!
Best wishes to you my friend. You can do it being more confident!
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Postby cynthialeighton » Fri Mar 18, 2016 12:08 am

Tess_16 wrote: I am a foreign student in Paris, I have nobody here (family), I started working, paying bills, and going to uni here.

You are doing a lot! Be gentle with yourself and recognize there's a lot going on.
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Postby handheart » Fri Mar 18, 2016 5:09 am

well i see you are very severe with you and the very bad thing its that you are very negative person.Until you change your thoughts ,actions etc you will not get diferent results .Start repeating good thiks to you and thinking positive and armonious
For example i am a nice and smart girl ,i have confidence in me,everithing its perfect in my life .
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Postby Tess_16 » Mon Mar 21, 2016 9:37 pm

Thank you all for your answers and time :)
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Postby Ernestalice15 » Wed Mar 23, 2016 10:51 am

Hi Tess,

I also went to another country for studying, tried a lot and failed a lot. And I came back to my country after failing to get a job there. I was really ashamed, I thought I was a failure. In fact, I have a very low self-esteem even now, and failed too many things that I don't wanna even count. My friends have skill way over me and I'm also comparing myself to successful people. To be honest, I think I can understand what you're going through. It's so hard to think positively, even though I know I should. And we should.

The thing is, it's not that bad after I came home. Many good things happened, and yeah, the feeling when I was in another country was like a dream for me, it's never been real. Coming home was a good choice. Failing at the things people can do, doesn't mean we're a failure. We just need to find the things we can be good, even be the best at it. I think, you should believe, too, that even if you fail at some things now, it just means that probably you should try another road and take something new.

I don't know who I am, too, now, but let's keep searching. You're not alone in this journey. :)
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Postby hubertkoh » Wed Mar 23, 2016 2:35 pm

Hi Tess,

Your English is really good. Affirmations will definitely help you for sure. I posted a thread on the 101 uplifting affirmations for self love. You can start there.

REMEMBER, self-love is very important. if you cannot love yourself, how can you love others?

Try to be sociable. Make a lot of friends. Perhaps it might be easier for you that way.

All the best.
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Postby laureat » Wed Mar 23, 2016 5:03 pm

success = confidence

if you play few easy game like candy crush and you complete those first levels you become more confident

if you make a phone call its success and = confidence

if you write down notes of one lesson you make progress = confidence

so you keep building confidence from all the success you do all the progress, and activity you do

but if you shut down, you make no progress, and all you focus on is negative, that doesn't bring confidence

confidence is simply an expression that you really believe you are good

a problem is that sometimes we underrate our success and we overrate our negatives so we create false illusion

success = confidence but you have to be aware of your success

just because you had a bad day it doeasnt mean all the decade was bad

just because someone rejected you doesnt mean everyone has rejected you

so you have to be aware of the positives
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Postby Aphrodite97 » Sun Apr 17, 2016 1:27 pm

First of all i think i can perfectly relate to you , im 19 years old and i am too a foreign student in the uk ive been here for less than a year i am as well completely by myself and with no family whatsoever. Im facing the same exact problems . I think im alright looking and my confidence had been perfect but then an unfortunate event happened in my life which wasn't even that bad but it seemed to completely ruin my self esteem. it went from 100 to 0. I think im better at giving advice about this issue than following it myself. First of all i want you to stop comparing yourself to that girl. I don't know you at all but i'm very sure that you're way better than someone who uses people like that to benefit themselves. Confidence is something that takes time to develop so please allow yourself to have that time. you might not feel very well now but eventually you will.
I truly believe that every single person is beautiful in a unique way and they'll be someone or multiple people that find that one person attractive. but trust me noone is attracted to a bad personallity and behaviour. The last few years with all the social media and the selfie madness i feel that people underestimate how much us humans pay attention to personalities and morals and that girl has neither of them so here's something that you're better at than her. You say that you're not ugly but you're not the typical tall hot girl but you also say that you have self esteem problems. That says to me that you're so much more goodlooking than you say you are or you think you are. I'm a girl but im attracted to both men and women and trust me when i say, i've never been interested in the typical tall hot girls because they all seem the same to me and if you want one extra prespective i have a lot of guy friends that have the same exact opinion. There's so much more to a person like you who's sensitive and moral than just someone who has just a pretty face and if the guy that you're interested in can't see it then i don't think he's the one hun. Also you need to know that you're the only one that can change the way you feel and think its only up to you and noone else so please dont rely on the number of people that are attracted to you or the number of compliments that you get. and please please stop having suicidal thoughts because its only a bump in the road and there's so much more to life than that. Finally us women have so many extra factors that affect us when it comes to issues like that for example if youre on birthcontrol its a huge factor that can affect you in this way. PMSing, periods or even random hormones produced in our body literaly can make the smallest self esteem problem to double its size. That makes me feel way better for myself because it shows that its not always something that you cause to yourself. I really hope that you will consider my words because i too had suicidal thoughts and im so glad i didn't do anything stupid because i met so many amazing people and collected the best memories after. I really think that you should start therapy i truly believe that therapy is the best thing you can do whether or not you have problems. It changed me as a person and helped me face problems that would take me years and years to face by myself. I hope you'll have a great and positive way . Things WILL change but you need to be patient darling.
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Postby laureat » Sat Apr 23, 2016 7:06 pm

I want to add more on this

we need to be aware of what are we expecting from ourselves is that reasonable is there something wrong with what we are expecting from ourselves and others

when I was a student ( in a different city ) I did not really knew what it really mean to be a student

I felt like I have to go there and be one of the best, to know everything to impress everybody but when you are a student it means you don't know so because of that you go to study otherwise you did not need to go to study, you go there because you don't know and you expect to learn things

the student is in NO PRESSURE because he is the one who has to sit down relax and be willing to listen what the teacher has to say

the TEACHER is the one on PRESSURE because he has to look for different ways to show to the students to address important messages he is responsible for ( with pictures, with videos and every way possible to simplify things for you to understand )

I am not telling that you are no GENIUS, but you don't need to be A GENIUS to deserve the studies and a job !! if you was such an MOST EXTREME GENIUS like we expect from ourselves to be MAGICAL with all information , if ME or you would be so MAGICAL there would be no need to study, we would do other things so that is no NECESSARY when you go to study

even if you feel like you cannot learn things DON"T WORRY
nobody can become a medicine doctor on their studies they need long time of experience to become good medicine doctor

all you have to do is to be WILLING TO LISTEN
you don't even need a SUPER-MEMORY to COPY PASTE the information, you just need to SEE what TEACHER has to say , to understand things , if you are MEDICINE
you need to understand what blood is, what bones are, what drugs are, you need to understand what they are is no must to keep Memorize everything the perfect way that your teacher may want you to , those are things that come with time , as you keep working with more experienced medicine doctors , you learn one thing today, something else the next day and you keep growing

and soon you become EXPERIENCED and you have to be the one who teach the KIDS, who teach the NEW STUDENTS , and that is the moment when you will be on PRESSURE, the students will have to simply sit down and listen what you will have to show them, and you have to be aware that nobody has super-memory, you just show them and you want them to learn few things

and if a STUDENT feels on PRESSURE you tell him that , RELAX < you need to do nothing, I AM THE TEACHER so as you can see, it is THE TEACHER RESPONSIBLE , the student is a POOR kid afraid who doesn't know what to do , you have to teach that all they need to do is ask questions if they have, RELAX if they have nothing to ask and wait for you to show them what you have

so you need to understand what to expect from oneself, what success is, to be aware off your success

you sitting there and listening, you are making success you are making progress ,there is nothing for you to do

if someone makes you feel like you are not good enough you should come here and I remind you that you are good enough
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Postby RukkaNova » Wed Apr 27, 2016 10:52 pm

I honestly feel that some of your issues are completely normal for anyone in your situation, and that time will sort it out for you, just hang on, be strong and count on us here in the community for help.

We got your back and you always have someone to chat with over here - I say this even though I'm new, but I saw the wonderful replies you had.
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Postby Dizal » Sat Apr 30, 2016 5:22 am


I hope you are feeling better,

I read your post and I feel like we have so many things in common. I am a foreign student in Australia and have to do the same thing as u. Go to uni, work and also pay for Bill's. I know how hard it is to kinda of find your place and fit in in a new country with a new people. I really struggled a lot not just because I had so many things to do but because I could no longer understand myself or anyone. Every day felt horrible and wished that wasn't born. I was comparing myself with everyone as well, I am not tall and that was my biggest insecurity. But I learnt that until I change something I will never feel ok, so now what I do is just take one step at a time, I try not think about the past or future. Just focus on today and how you can get through today. That way you don't have to blare yourself with the possibility of what is going to happen tomorrow or next week. I still got a lot to improve on but my life is so much better since I started thinking that way and not worry about all the possibility of bad things happenig. Don't be too harsh on yourself, you are not alone!
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