What is wrong with me?

Postby Iris » Sat Mar 19, 2016 2:41 pm

Hello everyone!

I am new here so bear with me.. I honestly don't know where to start. I am 19 years old and I am loosing it. I have been feeling broken for 4 years that I can really remember. I try being happy and sometimes I am but it never lasts very long. I had a time were I'd cry non stop because I was just so sad.. mainly because of high school, I thought that that is the reason why I feel so bad. High school was a terrible experience for me where I lost almost all of my self esteem. I always thought high school was the problem which partially it was but at this point I think that it has to be me as well.
I am in college now and during the first semester I was fine but now the crying is back. I don't feel like doing anything, I look tired no matter how many hours of sleep I get and I hate myself so much. I never say nice things about myself and constantly put myself down. Mostly I believe that I just don't know what it's like to be happy or that I am just meant to be sad because honestly that's what I do best. I don't even know how to explain what is going on with me because I don't even know it myself.

Does anyone feel the same? Has had experiences like this?
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sat Mar 19, 2016 4:59 pm

Why are you even going to college?

The reason I ask is many times people are unhappy and have low self esteem because their path in life is not their own. Instead they are only doing things to try and make their parents happy or to do what they think society expects, etc.
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#2

Postby Iris » Sat Mar 19, 2016 10:59 pm

I asked myself that as well... Mainly because I really wanted to study something I love which I am right now yet I still find it hard to get things done. Also because what would I have done half a year? I would have bored myself to death... But i sometimes still think it was a mistake maybe I should have gotten myself together before going to college but then again I believed I'd feel better there..
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#3

Postby cynthialeighton » Thu Mar 24, 2016 11:03 pm

Iris wrote:I am in college now and during the first semester I was fine


What was better about the first semester? For example, what is the difference between those classes and your classes now? Was there a kind of interaction in your first semester classes that you were particularly good at?
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#4

Postby Iris » Thu Mar 24, 2016 11:54 pm

cynthialeighton wrote:
Iris wrote:I am in college now and during the first semester I was fine


What was better about the first semester? For example, what is the difference between those classes and your classes now? Was there a kind of interaction in your first semester classes that you were particularly good at?


My classes were easier I liked the people more as well as the classes... I felt smart because I has to study little but still got very good grades..
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#5

Postby cynthialeighton » Mon Mar 28, 2016 6:47 pm

Iris wrote:My classes were easier I liked the people more as well as the classes... I felt smart because I has to study little but still got very good grades..


Did you take a small step from those classes to the current ones? For example, are you taking the "next level" in the same subjects -- or did you skip the next level? -- or did you switch subjects?
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#6

Postby Iris » Mon Mar 28, 2016 7:15 pm

cynthialeighton wrote:
Iris wrote:My classes were easier I liked the people more as well as the classes... I felt smart because I has to study little but still got very good grades..


Did you take a small step from those classes to the current ones? For example, are you taking the "next level" in the same subjects -- or did you skip the next level? -- or did you switch subjects?


Small steps, next level... nothing that is not for a freshman... I am just lazy and have no motivation what so ever.. Its mainly me I believe :/
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#7

Postby hubertkoh » Tue Mar 29, 2016 3:56 pm

Feeling is broken.

Once again, is a demonstration of lack of self-feeling. My friend, you need to love yourself.

The greatest POWER to change lies within you. Once you get that fixed, you will be able to find purpose as well as motivation.

If you dont even love yourself, how can you extend this to others. Remember feelings are contagious.
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#8

Postby Iris » Tue Mar 29, 2016 6:04 pm

hubertkoh wrote:Feeling is broken.

Once again, is a demonstration of lack of self-feeling. My friend, you need to love yourself.

The greatest POWER to change lies within you. Once you get that fixed, you will be able to find purpose as well as motivation.

If you dont even love yourself, how can you extend this to others. Remember feelings are contagious.


It's easier said then done isnt it? I used to be such a loving person and now I find so much hate in things as well as in myself... it's rediculous honestly
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#9

Postby cynthialeighton » Mon Apr 04, 2016 8:29 pm

Iris wrote:Small steps, next level... nothing that is not for a freshman... I am just lazy and have no motivation what so ever.. Its mainly me I believe :/


When you find something you love, your motivation will come from within you. This is true for many people -- and I point to your first semester as evidence that you've clearly got what it takes to succeed.

If you took small steps to the next level and lost what you had in the first step, I suggest that you try other fields of study in your next semester. Even if that means starting over at the first level, you're more likely to find yourself a better future by investing in stepping sideways to start over in another field.

Over time, you'll get a broader education this way as well as find meaning and purpose in your life.

Whatever discipline you do have worked in the first semester. That's why I'm suggesting this path for you.
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#10

Postby enigma1 » Thu Apr 21, 2016 8:28 am

It gets better with age as you start realizing who you are and what you want. You, not the people around you. You can already make a plan what you want in life. Do you have a dream? You can slowly start working on it. If you don't have one, it's ok. Just keep looking around you and learning - read books, watch movies etc. Something will surely speak to you. Everyone has great power in them that can wake up.
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#11

Postby JuliusFawcett » Fri Apr 22, 2016 6:41 pm

Yes, I have had experiences like this when I was in my early 20's.

There is nothing wrong with you. You are conditioned to think that there is, and these are just thoughts and thoughts can be changed.
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#12

Postby SnowWhite79 » Sat Apr 23, 2016 1:02 am

I had similar way of thinking being starting when I was ten. All through high school. I have severe depression. Have you ever been to a therapist or told your doctor you feel like this? In high school I learned to accept that I would always be sad. I went to therapy which would help for a week or so, but I still wanted to simply go to sleep forever. When I was 17 I finally told my doctor about it and he put me on Prozac. It helped a bit. And things seemed OK so I stopped taking it. I had learned with behavioral therapy to retain my way of thinking and was able to be content without medication by then. However I was pregnant at this time. After I had the baby I got severe postpartum depression and didn't get out of bed unless absolutely necessary, like bathroom and eat. I was also in abusive relationship with baby's dad and grandmother which made it really bad. But then I moved home and got back on Prozac and returned to therapy. After my hormones got back to normal I was able to stop the meds but I continued therapy. By this time I had mild ptsd. I learned ways to cope, to forgive myself, to accept myself and was actually really happy. Despite ongoing stress from the baby's paternal family I was able to cope with the stress without my depression coming back strong. There have been a few traumatic experiences over the years since and any time I felt my depression worsening despite trying to refocus my thoughts or it was an ongoing traumatic experience my doctor put me back on antidepressants. I've had to get stronger doses or stronger antidepressants over the years but that's only been the last few since I became disabled, which of course took my self esteem back to my middle school days, but they've helped me mend relationships and therapy taught me about myself in lots of ways I never would've thought about otherwise. I found the key to being able to be content without the medications was having great friends and family to support me and tell me when I was being an donkey or falling back into my old ways of thinking along with the self knowledge and coping skills I'd learned. Also when I'd start isolating and not leaving home, they'd come get me and drag me out which would also mentally drag me out of my depression. Since I moved away and half way across the country to get to know my biological mother I left that behind. My entire support system, and ability to socialize. I didn't realize how much of an impact that made for me. So with the disability getting worse, the lack of a support system, and being completely isolated my depression went from severe to manic. Plus medication for the disability cause and worsen depression, go figure. I had to go back on the antidepressants. This time despite having a doctor prescribe them, I started therapy again but I am now seeing the psychiatrist at the office who makes sure I'm on the right kind of antidepressants and right dosage for my symptoms. I was on antidepressants and still sleeping two days at a time, not leaving the house for weeks at a time, which was making my disability worse then it is. He doubled my dose, and probably will adjust it again in a couple months if it isn't properly relieving the more dangerous symptoms, but it's already helping with sleeping less then twenty four hours, and I am doing more around the house, and go out at least to store every couple days. However the severity of my depression is effected by severe ptsd now. Most don't have or get it this bad more then a day or two once in awhile.
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#13

Postby jonathontwiz » Wed May 04, 2016 1:01 pm

It sounds like you're not living authentically, which is causing resistance to the way you actually are living. What is your purpose, what makes you happy, who makes you happy. Thank about these things so you can attract the things that make you happy into your life. You need to start surrounding yourself with good people who make you laugh. Take time for yourself to do fun things and peaceful contemplation. You should invest in your personal development and start soul searching, find out who you are, what your wants and needs are because it seems like you are living life according to the wants and needs of other but not you.
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