Remember me? Nearly 2 years through MJ PAWS, now doing GREAT

Postby john_livingston » Sun Mar 20, 2016 1:00 am

Greetings Uncommon denizens!

Not sure who will remember me here & who won't. I haven't been on the site in a long time... lost my login credentials & accidentally closed down my associated email account. I was 'johnrlivingston', and my story was documented on the following thread:

http://www.uncommonforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=90939

It's been one hell of a journey, my friends, but I'm here sitting at around 19 or 20 months since giving up MJ for good, and I can finally say I am - for the most part - DONE WITH PAWS!!!!!!!!!! Done with constant headaches, done with terrible anxiety, done with non-stop muscle twitches, done with mysterious stomach ailments. Done with unpredictable mood swings, done with heavy depression, done with insomnia and horrid dreams, done with fibromyalgic pain. I'm done... done with weed for good, never looking back, and truly, honestly, happy. I'm the person I was before I bought into the lie of MJ being medicine.

Looking back on my posts in the thread above brings tears to my eyes... It's hard for me to remember just how agonizing that first year or so was. Absolutely a nightmare, hardest period of my life ever, and to be honest, I'm extremely fortunate to have made it through.

To anyone else going through hell following MJ cessation - suffering from physical & mental problems everyone you know say CANT BE CAUSED BY MJ... I'm here to tell you yes - they absolutely can be caused by use & withdrawal. Yes - countless issues related to prolonged withdrawal can last months or even years. But most importantly... YES, you absolutely can be NORMAL again. You've got to stay strong and keep the faith. If you're going through what I went through, it will test your fiber like no other challenge you've ever faced. But if you can just hang in there... for as long as it takes... there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It's bright, its beautiful, and its worth every day of misery you'll spend finding it.

MANY THANKS as always to my Heros here... the ones who came before me. The ones whos stories I stumbled upon when I had no idea what was causing my suffering. The ones who kept me on track when everything in my being screamed 'You're damaged for life... You'll never be healed'.

Peace & Love my friends. I hope my story above can help you on your journey. I probably wont be around here much - I really need to put this mess in my rear-view & continue on with my new life - but I'll try to pop in from time to time.
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#1

Postby Anewchapter » Sun Mar 20, 2016 1:52 am

Hi Johnrlivngston, I remember you and I've read through some of your post which I have related to and found inspiration from. It's good to read you're doing well and living life the way you want to, being you.
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#2

Postby Lifechanging » Sun Mar 20, 2016 3:26 pm

Thats great to hear man, for me its getting better. But still deprsseed and having some anxiety issues etc.
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#3

Postby lmcbride » Sun Mar 20, 2016 4:56 pm

John your quit journal was by far the biggest thing that kept me moving forward when things got tough. I'm happy to say that I'm over 7 months clean now. I think I was posting in your group when I was in the brutal early stages of my quit around 2-3 months.

Things have gotten significantly better for me. I feel as if after month 6 I made a turn for the better. PAWS symptoms still come and go but they don't last long and I recognize them now.

Glad to hear you are doing well, you're an inspiration for a lot of people!
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#4

Postby john_livingston » Mon Mar 21, 2016 1:16 am

The fact my story impacted y'all in some positive way makes me joyful beyond words. I remember all of you and your stories (Lifechanging may have come after me - my apologies for being a little fuzzy on the details). For me (and so many others) OlSchoolRu, BiggieSize, Janet (her real name, can't remember her screen name) were the ones who kept me going those long, long, long months when I felt hope was lost. That's the beauty of this site and the people populating it... each generation of success stories exists to inspire the next.

Imcbride... very glad to see you're still kicking butt, and 7 months is one heck of an achievement. If you're able to keep your head above water at 7 months, by the 1-year mark you're going to feel like a completely different person. I promise you that. Not saying it probably won't suck up to that point & beyond, but for me, the 1 year mark was when I finally started seeing enough progress to know that one day I would be made whole again. I'm still amazed by how much damage can be caused by this plant, and how insanely long the healing process can take. But it is what it is. The way I see it, we're on the bleeding edge of human understanding. Eventually medical science will come to understand what we're going through. For now, we're on our own. The only guides we have are each other.

So many people have said 2 years is about how long it takes to get back close to normal, and while there are many factors that may influence this timeline from person to person, it appears that's pretty close to what I needed to get right again. I still have very minor issues, but I'm definitely out of the thick of it, and for the most part good to go. To put it another way, if absolutely nothing changed from this point on, I'd be perfectly happy in my life. But I still think the tiny issues that remain will iron themselves out. I'm at 90%... heading for 100 ;)

In the next couple days I'll try to post a summary of what I believe I did to help myself recover (aside from the obvious - not smoking). Unfortunately it's impossible to say what worked & what didn't. But it all boils down to nothing more than taking good care of yourself - physically & emotionally - and tending to your needs. I cant say for sure whether I would have recovered just waiting for my mind to heal, but in my heart I don't feel I would have. Exercise, diet, recreation, meditation, and carefully chosen social activities were ,to me, all key ingredients to getting better.

Anyway, thanks for remembering me. I remember you, and I'm so very happy to hear y'all are still plugging away. I know how insanely tough this can be. When you make it through, there won't be anything in life that can stop you. You'll be better for the experience so long as you believe you can be.
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#5

Postby netty28661 » Mon Mar 21, 2016 12:40 pm

Hi John, think it'll have been me you remembered??
Yes of course I remember you. It's so good to hear that you're doing so well & that anything I've written down has helped you. Likewise I'm absolutely sure you will have inspired many in their quest of quitting weed. It's hell at first isn't it but then when you look back, time passes - I can't believe i'll be 4 yrs clean next month.

Jannette
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#6

Postby john_livingston » Mon Mar 21, 2016 3:10 pm

Yes, Netty! Sorry... for some reason I never could remember your screen name, and apparently I failed remembering how to spell your real one. D'oh! My apologies. But yes, your strength has been such an amazing influence in my life, and I thank you so much for it. Every time I felt like giving up on myself, I'd think of what you were going through in addition to PAWS. That usually put to rest any 'poor me' feeling sorry for myself BS in short order.

4 years - fantastic!!!!

I pray all is well with your family. Thanks so much for being the person you are.
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#7

Postby netty28661 » Mon Mar 21, 2016 7:02 pm

Aww thanks that's a lovely thing to say. Always great to know I've helped in some way, it's great to be able to give back - I too got so much help from people on this forum.

I'm fine thanks, still going to the gym & swimming, still find it really helps as does meditation.
Jannette
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#8

Postby Jamie514 » Wed Mar 23, 2016 4:01 pm

Hello John, sorry to say but I don' remember you. All I would like to say is CONGRATULATIONS! Good to know you've selected a good path and keep walking in this path. Don't forget to encourage others to walk with you in this path as well.
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#9

Postby leavepawsbehind » Thu Mar 28, 2019 12:35 am

I just read this thread for the umpteenth time as well as your post history, John. My symptoms and problems most closely line up with yours, so I find this post hugely inspirational. I'm not doing so well at 14 months and occasionally fear being permanently messed up. I really hope I become 100% normal again!
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#10

Postby Lucy0611 » Fri Mar 29, 2019 6:17 am

leavepawsbehind wrote:I just read this thread for the umpteenth time as well as your post history, John. My symptoms and problems most closely line up with yours, so I find this post hugely inspirational. I'm not doing so well at 14 months and occasionally fear being permanently messed up. I really hope I become 100% normal again!


Im going through the same :(
Im ~17 months clean. Anxiety is the worst.
Im also hoping it s gone be ok one day.
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#11

Postby Meruem » Mon Apr 08, 2019 2:33 pm

Hi fam. Everyday is a battle for me. It's been a year seven months up to date bit the suffering stop has a hold on me.

Most symptoms are gone. I struggle with head pressure and crippling insomnia. Sometimes I just want to give but their is so much at stake.

This thing restricts me from my full potential. I'm often restricted and pinned down my bed. I quit my job and don't pursue my freelancing side hustle as often as I did.

Anyone still going through head pressure, scalp pressure, headaches after a year in six months?
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