Hello, I think I finally found the right place... I have always seached for answers and never really found anyone who understood. If anyone does it is the commity.. bless u all.
My first love was depressed. i was her first as well. she never wanted to talk about her depression.
It would be great 1 day, we would talk aboit marriage, children... then she would dump me over the phone the next. Faulting me for everything. Within a cpl days she would be dating new guys and whenever I would try go get closure she would be cold. eventually coming back apologizing weeks/months later and id forgive her.
This happened a few times. Anytime where was any conflict she would run. The last time I gave her space for 7 months. She contacted me and we tried to work inout. 3 weeks later she was dumping me over the phone again, saying she feels I dont love her. I cried and begged... which her response was "if you loved me u wouldnt act this way". Then said she may be back, maybe not. if i need closurr I can contact her anytime. Surely I had no closure and contacted her a cpl times later... she never responded.
A few months later I had a teadgedy in my family. I felt I could only confide in her, subconsciously I still loved her. Over a few emails she would be talking about her life... and everytime brought uo her new bf that she has been dating for a col months, as well as how great they are doing. she would then say "is everything ok? Do u want to talk about something? U seem uneasy". through the mixed signals I asked to meet her to talk. Her reaction was her and her bf are busy. I just wrote her a letter telling her I still love her but respects that she has a bf. I want to be in her life as friends (to any extent) because I hate not having her around at all. Her response was she felt strange listening to my feelings, but doesn't mind being friends as long as it isnt close and personal. I got my cue and told her i should go... thanked her for her time snd politeness. she ignored me completely.
I moved on and never looked back.. found someone else and got married. i the back of my mind I wondered how she was doing. Looked her up and realized she had married that same bf and had a 1 yr old child together.. 5 yrs later.
My question is for someone who understands depression, who can look at this other than at face value. how did she go from having such an unstable relationship with me where the slightest conflict caused her to flee as she couldnt deal with it... to a cpl months later dating someone and having a stable relationship with someone else. Also, why couldn't she just say bye to me at the end, instead of ignoring my email?
Thanks for your time.