Low self esteem :(

[floozyfairy]

Hey all i am just new to this site but it looks really useful.

I am struggling the now with low self esteem and i have had it for a number of years. I am with a new partner and currently 13 weeks pregnant. I am constantly feeling low and feeling ugly and thinking my other half can do better than me. I have his nephews communion on may 21st and i am so anxious and worried about it as to what to wear and how others will look at me i keep thinking they will look at me in disgust and i know its probably all in my head but i feel i am making a big deal of this to the stage i am gettin anxious and making me feel rubbish .

Any ideas how i can change this thinking. I am more worried as to what to wear to it thats the big issue for me as i feel so self conscious with anything the now i just feel i am not making an effort with myself where as before i would do myself up and now i just feel i dont care

[WonderGurl]

Any ideas how i can change this thinking.

Yes.
Look for all the positive aspects you can find about yourself. Then, keep looking for more. Appreciate them. Pay attention to all that is good about you.

[betawarrior]

Any ideas how i can change this thinking. I am more worried as to what to wear to it thats the big issue for me as i feel so self conscious with anything the now i just feel i am not making an effort with myself where as before i would do myself up and now i just feel i dont care

I think what you're facing is a complicated issue, one that many women feel everyday. I know, for you, it feels like such a strong force - this pressure to look a certain way. So given how strong it is and how long you have felt it, there is no simple solution to your issue.

In reading your situation, a thought came into my head. I remember reading awhile ago a kind of self-help book in which the author talks about the definition of "fools." For him, a fool is someone whose sense of proportion is out of whack. A fool will dramatize and overemphasize very unimportant, trivial things, such as a comment someone said or a piece of clothing someone wore, while at the same time, he will de-emphasize or ignore very important things. Things that shouldn't get much attention, he worries or raves about, and things that should get attention, he ignores or forgets.

In our own lives, we not only know fools, but oftentimes we act like fools. We have to pay attention to something, and often, with our insecurities, we pay attention to unimportant things and overlook the important ones. I am guilty of this as much as anyone is.

But I think it's important to try to keep one's sense of proportion. To strive to differentiate between what is really important and what's really not. To balance our attention so that we are also paying attention to the important things.

In your case, I think to change your thinking, you have to decide what the really important things in your life are. Is it how you look? How others may see you? Or is it having a close relationship with your family? Or perhaps your faith?

You have to decide what really matters to you. Once in awhile you will slip up, you'll get anxious and worry about how you look. And that's fine. But it's important to have a list of things that really matter to you. Something you can go back to when you act like a fool. Something to keep you straight when you go crooked.

[laureat]

the first thing you need to be aware about is that pregnancy itself may cause emotional problems because of hormones or whatsoever happen all there,

second you need to make sure how much you rest; because if you sleep good enough and if you nap sometimes a day it happens that it can reduce negative emotions

third you want to make sure you let go of the hurts of the past and look for new beginning so you let go of that disappointment/ depression if there is any of that so you create new bonding with the presence with the new challenges , with new adventures and you become excited about living, and love living

one needs to make sure about expectations that has from oneself, you need not put oneself in too much pressure if there is some kind of emotional problems that you dealing with, you give oneself more tolerance, on everything , and not expect to be or do things as perfect that you may wish to do, you have to respect oneself and give space for mistakes and all that, so you feel more free with oneself

what you focus on equals feelings,we cannot choose 100% of what we focus on , our mind should have its freedom to be free to think whatsoever it wants, but sometimes it could be a good idea to shift the focus from something which may not be necessary and focus on something else that may lead us to feel better like an ICE CREAM, or whatsoever

[floozyfairy]

I just wanna say thanks for taking the time to reply to my post. I feel i need to learn to be happy with myself afore anything i think and accept me for what i am etc. I sometimes tell myself that does it really matter what others think of me or what i wearing or that? I need to realise that life is to short to be getting myself worked up over small things like this but at the time it seems such a big thing to me. I know i am pregnant and that can add to emotions etc. I will go and see what i can see to wear and do myself up at bit and see how i feel on the day i suppose i need to realize also there are gonna be many more family gatherings with my oh side of the family so i need to get use to it.

x

[WonderGurl]

I feel i need to learn to be happy with myself afore anything i think and accept me for what i am etc.

Precisely.

I sometimes tell myself that does it really matter what others think of me or what i wearing or that?

The only reason it ever matters what you wear or that is in how it makes you feel about yourself. It has absolutely nothing to do with others think of you.

Other than that you're moving towards the right direction.

[jonathontwiz]

you have to stop worry about what other people think of you. As long as you are hurting or inconveniencing anyone, it shouldn't matter what others think. Just authentically be yourself. People rarely focus on what's inside their conscious container because they focus too much on what is outside of their conscious container. When you begin to worry about something, a hypothetical event that may or may not happen in the future, you are giving this intangible thought power and it soon becomes reality because you begin to align yourself with those insecure thoughts. our outer world is a reflection of our inner world, so we project the insecure thoughts we have on to our outer reality, which conforms to our self-image. People will treat you accordingly based on how secure or insecure you are. When you have these thoughts, ask yourself, how is this serving me?

[diaz212]

love your self, talk to your self

"STOP WORRYING, EVERYONE LOVE YOU "

[cynthialeighton]

.I am more worried as to what to wear to it thats the big issue for me

Action helps calm the mind. Select clothes right now so that you know what you are going to wear. Then if you change your mind, put a second set next to them. Repeat if needed...

[JuliusFawcett]

Change the way that you finish the sentence "I am"

I am beautiful

I am powerful

I am capable

I am strong

I am gentle

I am loving

I am kind

I am enough

Look in the mirror and repeat thousands of times.

[mickey0212]

hey congratulations on bringing a new life into the world..

sorry don't have any answers just more questions.. feel free to ignore if too personal but also want to know as a friend of mine is pregnant..

has your partner cooled off in terms of sex with you?.. is this making you feel unattractive?..