I need help

Postby human » Wed May 25, 2016 1:46 am

I can't start conversations. Every time I even think about walking up to someone and saying something I start getting very nervous. Even posting this on the internet is nerve-wracking. Also i'm constantly insulting people in my head. When ever I see somebody i'll automatically think something negative about them or call them them names in my head. I have no control over this, it just appears uncontrollably. When I was a kid gory imagery like a student falling and having a pencil puncture their eye or being in a pit of needles or having a piece of paper slice open a phallus would pop in my head and i'd always tell myself to stop having those thoughts, but it wouldn't work. That doesn't happen anymore. Also I start insulting things that I like in my head like actors, songs, movies, etc while i'm watching or listening to them and then telling myself to stop it. Whenever I make a mistake or just randomly i'll call myself stupid automatically, then tell myself that i'm smart actively, and then say that it's just that i'm paranoid and have low self esteem a few times in a row. Last year I held my breath around stupid people because I was paranoid that breathing the same air as them would make me stupid. I stopped doing this though. I don't talk unless spoken to or if I need help with something and I usually have a poker face. I don't have any friends and people don't notice me much. Every time somebody does talk to me I get a sense of euphoria for a while. I act normally when spoken to, but my conversations are always short. Sometimes, when i'm alone, i'll start yelling and loudly rambling on about something I hate or are insecure about while moving around a lot. When this happens I get the chills and have goosebumps. What's wrong with, is there some drug or thing I could do to fix myself?
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#1

Postby human » Wed May 25, 2016 1:49 am

This isn't a problem with people I'm used to being around(family and some other). I really love being forced to interact with someone like being in an assigned seat on the bus next to someone, or being assigned a partner in a project.
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#2

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed May 25, 2016 3:48 am

human wrote: What's wrong with, is there some drug or thing I could do to fix myself?


You have low self-confidence. You find it easier to tear down others (mentally) than build yourself up. A drug is also searching for the easy fix, as is being forced to interact by being assigned a partner, as is looking for answers in an anonymous forum.

Stop searching for an easy fix. Start building your self-confidence. You do this by getting out of your comfort zone. Sign up for clubs, volunteer, get a part time job, learn some skills that require interaction.
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#3

Postby human » Wed May 25, 2016 4:07 am

When I was younger I didn't have this problem. I was very obnoxious and annoying though. Kids at school thought I was funny. When I moved to my new school everyone hated me. I did a 180 and went from bothering everybody to barely talking. I don't have trouble answering the teacher in class. Sometimes I come to complicated conclusions based on little to no evidence.
I watched a show where a character could read minds and then I started being paranoid that everyone could read my mind. I then would started thinking something perverse automatically and then insisting that they couldn't read my mind to myself. A drug is an easy fix and isn't considered, "the proper way", but does that mean that it doesn't exist? Alcohol lowers inhibition. Are there any drugs that can lower inhibition and make interaction easier? Or do I need therapy of some sort?
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#4

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed May 25, 2016 12:05 pm

human wrote: A drug is an easy fix and isn't considered, "the proper way", but does that mean that it doesn't exist? Alcohol lowers inhibition. Are there any drugs that can lower inhibition and make interaction easier? Or do I need therapy of some sort?


Yes, there are a ton of "crutches" available. Alcohol lowers inhibition and another common escape is marijuana. Or a person can seek prescription drugs to alter their brain chemistry.

Even well intentioned, artificially lowering inhibitions does not fix the problem. Instead, it sets up a downward spiral where in order to socialize you must get high. Of course when first starting out everyone thinks they will make some friends, learn to be social and quit using the crutch anytime they like. It is not usually a lack of intelligence, rather a lack of wisdom (experience) that results in people choosing such a path.

And beware of anyone that tries to offer you the "perfect drug" that can solve your problem. There are therapists that truly believe they can prescribe a pill and work with you to help you so that you never experience discomfort. They believe they can help wean you off the crutch. Well intentioned, but ignorant to the pill for every ill culture.

WHAT YOU NEED is to build your self-confidence. Sure, a good therapist using CBT might be able to offer you that, but there are other ways. Join the military, they will build your confidence. Set some goals, go to the gym, hire a personal trainer to help build your confidence.

What goals do you even have currently? Do you have any goals that target building your confidence?
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#5

Postby Marais » Sat Nov 12, 2016 4:19 pm

Holy sh** i love this forum, best posts every day. I don't know how i can help you man, im afraid if u seek proffesional help you will end up as a loony.
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#6

Postby AlexD » Thu Nov 17, 2016 12:17 am

@human

Hi there. I can relate to some of your thoughts as in my past I had similar issues. Now I know it was entirely due to lack of self-confidence. This topic is very near to my heart, which is why I am a certified self-confidence coach. Way before I became a coach though, I had to solve my own self-esteem and self-confidence problems, right? Depending on how long you've been hammering the negativity in your head, and how truly motivated you are to introduce positive change in your life, the time you need to become more confident will vary.
One of the things that helped me ten years ago was my decision to become a martial artist. I have been very dedicated to my arts since then. You surely don't have to do that, but just use it as some food for thought. In a well managed martial art setting, meaning with a very accomplished well-reputed instructor, you learn a deadly martial art, gradually. But this is just the surface. What happens to your personality over the years is the most amazing thing. You learn self-control, physical and mental. You learn respect for others and you see that others strive to respect you as well. You manage your anger in a way that puts you in great physical and emotional shape. Developing a black belt mentality along the way is what builds you up as a confident person who is able to see others for what they are: human beings. There are many, may other things you can do. Each and every thing I did towards my personal development, and still continue doing, has brought me the ability to control what I can control and move on from the things I cannot control. Most importantly, I now have a better ability to distinguish between the two. I hope this is helpful.
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#7

Postby SuzieO » Tue Dec 13, 2016 5:57 am

Hi
I often use EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) to help me release my anger or sadness. If you haven't heard of EFT its a simple process to follow where you tap certain points when you are in the heighten state. You can say words but the important part is to really feel the emotion. I normally do a negative round (where I vent all of my frustrations, and be as anger, resentful etc as need be), then I try to own the feelings for a round and finally I do one where I state how I want to be.

EFT doesn't change the fact that you need to take actions to help you move forward, it just helps to stop the feelings that often stop us from being frozen by our emotions such as in fear or indecision. Basically, it helps to reduce the stress and calms the nervous system so our flight or fight response doesn't kick in.

Just google EFT and you will get heaps of information of how to do it.

hope this helps :)
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