Elle for now.

Postby Onmywayout » Fri May 27, 2016 2:34 am

Well I had posted on how to take myself out but that's obviously not gonna get answered. I just need someone to talk to because I have nobody. Literally. The lady who gave birth to me gave me away on the day I was born. It wasn't a celebration it was doomsday. I don't know what I did so bad to deserve the life I was given. For some reason Georgia (that's the lady who have birth to me) went back and got me from my adopted parents. She then beat the crap out of me I've seen pictures when i was 6 months old with a bruise on the side of my face from where she threw me against the wall ("on accident"). So at about 3 she gave me away and that's when life got REAL bad!!!! I have been suffering the last 38 years and I can break the cycle. I've had boyfriends that beat me, mentally, emotionally I just can't escape it. I just want it to be over and in all reality i know it's not! I was raped by my own "father". He took my virginity! That alone makes me want to jump off the highest cliff and kill this body!!!!!! I hate myself for evening I had to go threw!!!!! Now the person I'm sharing my pathetic life with throws that and anything that's hurts in my face! Why I stay? I'm trying to figure it out myself! I just don't understand anything that's fine on in my life. What do I do? Why don't this end? Why can't I just be loved ALREADY . I JUST WANT TO DIE ALREADY!!!! I don't care if i go to hell but I just don't want PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN ANYMORE!!!!!!! Make it go away!!!!! There is so much more but I don't want to go and dig m more memories! This is just bothering me and I'm at my BREAKING point!!!! It's not depression it's just a F'D life!!!!!
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Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Fri May 27, 2016 6:54 pm

Your future has not yet been written. There is no pain predestined for you tomorrow.

Go live on your own. Get a job on your own, and an apartment on your own. Once you are on your own then you are only responsible for you and you can begin to heal and move forward.
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Postby Meeshalu » Mon May 30, 2016 5:35 am

So, I can tell from your post that you are sincerely sad and angry. I get it. My childhood was extremely difficult, scary, dangerous, and so sad that most people just cannot believe what I have endured. I honestly wanted to find a site that I could belong to, hopefully to find some peace for myself. I carry a lot of anger about what I have endured, in my childhood and my adulthood. I managed to find a horrible and abusive man and married him. I was with him for four years before I was finally strong enough to leave him and take my children. I was taught, as a child, that the abuse was normal. I was a high school dropout, a YELLER, and someone who couldn't control their emotions. But, when you are immersed in this lifestyle, it is very hard to pick yourself up and rise above the hideous behavior.
l want you to know, I have experienced the same things that you have. I understand what you are dealing with. I have been sexually abused, raped, beat, choked, threatened, etc. All from family members that were supposed to love and protect me. I was in fight or flight mode for the first 25 years of my life. I was so tremendously lucky that the Universe placed my current husband in my life. He has given me the courage to grow from the pain and evil. I am working on dealing with the abuse and anger. It is so hard, but, I have bottled it up for so long...it is trickling out at the stupidest things.
If you ever need to chat, I would be happy to chat with you. Please don't do anything to harm yourself. You are not the problem, the people who hurt you are the problem. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Your life is important to the Universe. Thank you for letting me grab your attention. Have a wonderful night. :D
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Postby tashlentine » Wed May 24, 2017 7:27 pm

Firstly, I am truly sorry that all those things have happened to you.
I know that nothing I could possibly say would make it any better, but I agree with Richard that your future isn't written and you have a choice to make things better for yourself, and to walk away from situations that are bad. It's not easy to make difficult changes and difficult choices but nothing worth doing is easy. Decide what life you want to have and go after it with a full heart and with hope. However difficult it is to have hope, cling onto it with everything you have, because 'this too shall pass'.

There is a movie called 'I am not your guru' by Tony Robbins. There is a girl on there called Dawn who went through some horrific experiences as part of being born and raised in a cult, and she was in a similar place to where you are. She has managed to turn her life around and feel joy. Perhaps she could be a representation of hope for you if you're not sure you can find hope on your own.
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