Xxy or personality disorder

Postby Fart » Wed Jun 01, 2016 1:22 pm

It starts when I was younger, as a kid I never had a good social life. I could only handle one or two friends at a time. In school I was always in my own zone, so people talking and doing stuff around me was oblivious. So it was even harder to socialize. When it came to reading, I always struggled to remember what I read (still do) .so I wouldn't read and only read simple books like diary of a wimpy kid. I gave up on that. I've always been out of the loop of knowing about people or current events. In classes I would just get by without really retaining the information, so I picked up sleeping in class to avoid learning and socializing. When I got home I would just sit inside by myself or watch TV with my mom or dad. Or play video games by myself. My mind is normally blank and I've for the most part always been unresponsive or would barely add to a conversation. I don't really have motivation or interest in anything, but in the back of my mind imagine myself being completely different. My body hair/facial hair comes in thin and sparse. In my lab (graphic arts) I struggle to use Adobe programs because my mind easily gives up. So I what I did design/make is basic. But im good at the mindless work like silkscreening or cutting vinyl. Actually anything that uses mental practice pushes me away. So now I sit here by myself typing this.
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#1

Postby Fart » Wed Jun 01, 2016 1:53 pm

Honestly my mind has always been like this, I could do that but what's the point, 95% of the time my mind is blank and socially I don't really offer much, im boring and nothing really excites me. My emotions normally feel forced. So naturally I feel out of place anywhere.
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#2

Postby cynthialeighton » Wed Jun 01, 2016 7:14 pm

Fart wrote: sit inside by myself or watch TV with my mom or dad. Or play video games by myself.


Skills such as interacting with others and reading require practice -- and practice develops a longer attention span. Video games and television tend to shorten your attention span. If you want to change, I encourage you to begin by reducing your TV and video game time and pay attention to what might feel attractive to do to replace these. Things that might help include going for a short walk outdoors or to a store where you enjoy looking around -- and saying hello to people you meet.
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#3

Postby youmeuniverse » Wed Jun 01, 2016 7:31 pm

So how does it FEEL in your body "when your mind is blank" ? Can you find words to describe it? You need to get a better and deeper understanding about yourself. Start observing yourself, that is the first step. What do you think when you feel x? What do you do when you think about x and how does that make you feel?

The past - how you have been and what you have become today is a result of your thinking, feeling and acting - in the past.
Your past does not determine your future!

So if you want to start to change something in your life, figure out what emotional state you are in and observe yourself when you are in that state.
Let us know here if you can find out something more!

You also write about that you imagine yourself completely different - tell us about that!
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#4

Postby Fart » Wed Jun 01, 2016 10:49 pm

My mind blank is not having that voice in your head that brings ups memories,skills,interest or be able to hold a decent conversation or focus on something to make into a hobby. I mind wanders off and loses the train of thought to continue that conversation and seem like I care. Here lately ive cut back on watching TV or even using my PlayStation. Its not even interesting, honestly at this point sitting at my house (alone or with my mom\brother or anyone) it reminds of how boring my life is, then I try to read into things like the NFL and NBA since sports are easy to talk about, but then struggle to actually remember what I read to bring up. And in the back of my mind i see myself on top, either financially, socially, or just flatout famous for something. And just having that will to live life better,to feel pride and confidence. But in reality im a going nowhere 17 year old that is struggling to figure out my role in almost all aspects of life besides being a nobody. My memory,anxiety and depression are my vices.
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#5

Postby youmeuniverse » Thu Jun 02, 2016 10:07 pm

Alright, so when your mind wonders of - where is it?
And, can you get in touch with how that makes you feel.

I keep that one short and wait for your answer. It's important to get in touch with you feelings.
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#6

Postby cynthialeighton » Thu Jun 02, 2016 11:06 pm

Fart wrote: And in the back of my mind i see myself on top, either financially, socially, or just flatout famous for something.


That takes time and practice.
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#7

Postby JuliusFawcett » Sun Jun 05, 2016 2:55 pm

Could you learn to accept yourself as you are?
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