Why can't I seem to control myself? What's wrong with me?

Postby cuthorn » Wed Jun 01, 2016 5:22 pm

I'm 16 and still in highschool. It feels like a never ending cycle of when I'm calm I know that I can't blow my horn. I can do this and this to keep calm. Then something happens, another thing happens, the part of me that knows I need to keep calm and this is what I can do to calm down seems to pack it bag and go off to anywhere but where I am. The rest of me is there and explodes like a bomb. Then once the initial explosion is over it takes forever to calm me down, then the good part of me returns. But by that point, it's too late. I'm already in trouble. I've pissed off many people because of my issues here, I got a list a mile long of people that hate me or are just disappointed in me. (I can't blame them. I've put myself on that list.), I've been suspended out of school 2 times because of my issues and both were within a calendar year of eachother, I've risked getting suspended atleast 3 times in the last school year alone. Within the last 2 years I've been on a slow verge to expulsion. I'd lose it and threaten a teacher, infact 2. Today I lost it at the vice principal and if the counselor didn't get involved and offer to keep me in a conference room next to her office for the rest of the day and now meet with me daily, I could be facing suspension or expulsion. (I didn't go too off but my school normally wouldn't tolerate anyone going off to someone of that authority.) I just wanna know, why is it that I can't seem to control myself before I even explode. If I can ever figure it out and fix that it would make the rest of my life unbelievably better. I don't wanna live like this anymore. I understand that life happens. It can't be avoided forever. But what can I do to control myself and diffuse the bomb that is my anger. (I'm not kidding, it really is like a bomb.)
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#1

Postby Leo Volont » Sat Jun 04, 2016 12:47 pm

Dear Cuthorn ,

Yes, you have some Serious Anger. And apparently you have Tried to Control It, but you haven’t been able to figure out how.

My first thoughts are that you will continue to keep getting into Trouble in School. I suppose that much of your problem results from you having a Proud and Sensitive Nature and that you Over Think things a lot – you are quick to See Insults in everything anybody says or does, and you take offense. It would be Nice if you could treat all of these Tendencies all at once, but in many cases you have to Deconstruct Each Bad Mental Habit One At a Time. And I don’t see that you will have the Free Time and Opportunity to do this WORK on yourself. The School Environment is very stressful for you – and may be too much at one time. You know, there is a Reason why all those Rich People go into “Treatment” – temporary Residential Programs. It provides intense and repeated Therapy, while also providing a less stressful Environment… and, yes, some Angry People can always find something to be Angry about, even if they have to look really hard to find it.

How’s your Health Insurance. If you can get Therapy, then Get It. Your father should help out with the Expenses, almost as a measure in helping to assure his own Safety! But if you can’t afford Therapy then you need to get a Bunch of Anger Management Books and Study them like it is your New Religion.

But, for now, maybe the best Temporary Fix we can find for you is that You need to KNOW at the Exact Moment when Adrenaline Kicks In. You see, it is the Adrenaline that Makes you Go Crazy and Out of Control. I think in your trying to control you anger, you were thinking of Inhibiting Thoughts, which is Okay, but you SHOULD be paying attention to Signs Tensing Up… signs that you are about to get a full scale Angry Adrenaline Rush. People say that Anger takes them TOTALLY by Surprise, but if you pay attention to Angry People in these Episodes, then one can see that they were already Edgy on the startings of an Adrenaline Rush, and just letting it Work On Up. They make fists. They clench their teeth and jaws. They raise their Voice… they begin to Swear. All of These Things are Warnings to Step Back and take a Deep Breath.

Does the School have a Nurse? If so, then talk to the Nurse. Ask her about the Physiological Signs of Impending Anger, and those Adrenaline Rushes I have been talking about. Also, it would seem to the School Administration that you are actually trying to Take Some Positive Actions.

Somebody in the School System may know of an Anger Management Support Group. That would be Very Helpful. Practice at Home. Imagine all the usual situations where you lose your temper, but Imagine it Going Differently. With myself, my First Drip of Adrenaline makes me tense my jaw muscles, so I KNOW right there to put myself on alert to Stay Calm. And, additionally, you really Need to be Less Threatened and Offended by so many things. Just be Cool. Nothing is That Important! Getting Angry will get you into Trouble, so Just Let Stuff Go… Let it all Slide. Observe HOW and WHAT you Think during the Day. Are your Thoughts Pleasant and Positive, or are you being Judgmental and Hateful about Everything? You Really have to Not work yourself up. If something Bothers You, well, Ignore it! Learn to think differently about Things. Not Every Thought needs to be Critical and Hateful. If you can just Mellow Out your Attitude, most of you Job would be done.

Oh, apologize to Everyone. Yes, they will think you apologized before and it did not good. But apologize Again and this time tell them that you are seeking Institutional help – Books, this forum, that you are looking for a Support Group. Let Everyone Know that you are Trying.

I’ll try to be of help…


Please keep us informed of how you are doing. Oh, I am sorry I did not answer your post earlier… I guess I blinked and did not see it… sorry.
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#2

Postby youmeuniverse » Mon Jun 06, 2016 5:11 pm

Hi Cuthorn,

Leo gave you a great answer! I can't add much.

2 things I have are:
- reduce your sugar intake (softdrinks, sweets ... everything high in carbohydrates, check the web for low carb foods), because sugar is one thing that raises the adrenaline level in your body

- a book I can recommend is "Breaking the habit of being yourself..." by Dr. Joe Dispenza
It's not anger management, but his method works with all emotions you might want to change. When you can't control yourself your mind becomes the body and in that situation you are out of control. His method shows you ways to create a better state of being

Hope that helps too.
All the best!
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#3

Postby handheart » Sun Jun 12, 2016 10:21 am

Well i was also in your situation and this its not good because this fear afects you in life ,its afects you not only with othet people but afect you as a person : emotionaly ,spiritualy and energical you develop several blocks inside you .I ask you how was your childhood ? you was had a happy one ? the results of my anger was my uhappy child .I think you must find the source of your anger and what couse it and destroy it until its not to late
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#4

Postby Leo Volont » Sun Jun 12, 2016 10:57 am

handheart wrote:Well i was also in your situation and this its not good because this fear afects you in life ,its afects you not only with othet people but afect you as a person : emotionaly ,spiritualy and energical you develop several blocks inside you .I ask you how was your childhood ? you was had a happy one ? the results of my anger was my uhappy child .I think you must find the source of your anger and what couse it and destroy it until its not to late


You brought up an interesting Point. Do WE have to know the precise causes and origins of our Anger in order to have any possible ability for controlling it? Yes, I had my tantrums as a child, but how many Tantrums am I to remember, and in how much detail, before this Knowledge of Origins can substantially help me to FIX the general level of Anger I have Now?

Indeed, the Old Psychoanalysis School of Psychology was BIG on finding and addressing CAUSES. But what they FOUND there was THAT IT DID NOT SEEM TO HELP MUCH. Sure, people had insight into their screwed up lives, but, they still stayed Screwed Up... the only thing that changed was they now knew WHY they were so screwed up. ... and that just made them Depressed.

That is why they Developed the Psychology School of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. The Cognitive Behaviorist People really don't care much for Causes and Origins. The Focus of Cognitive Behaviorist Therapy is on training the Patients to recognize dysfunctional thoughts and modes of thinking, and to correct it, and then to be able to correct bad behavioral habits. You may ask "WHAT ABOUT FEELINGS?" ... but generally by the time FEELINGS get involved with Anger, it is already very close to the Moment of Explosion. It is the person's THINKING that stirs up all these noisy and troublesome Emotions. So it is the Thoughts we must focus on.

Don't you agree?
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