Anxiety caused by partner

Postby moonsling1 » Sat Jun 11, 2016 6:26 pm

I've never really talked to anyone about this subject, but recently I've started to feel that I have to do something about it, as soon as possible, but I'm also in a very confused state right now so it's extremely difficult for me to know what to do next. This is gonna be a rather long post, so please be patient...

Let me explain my situation from the beginning.

I've been together with my boyfriend for 6 months now. When we first met, I saw that we directly could fit together. We share same interests (music, sports, food, etc etc), thinking (religion, politics) and so on. It didn't take much time until we officially become a couple after we first met, perhaps a month or so, I don't quite remember.

During our 6 months relationship, we have had countless of fights, simply because both of us are extremely insecure. It was almost always he or me misunderstanding actions one of us did and saw it as something else, like cheating or showing interest in other people. We've made each other cry a lot during those huge fights. But when we aren't fighting, which by the way is nearly none at all recently, we are really in love and love each other so much.

I've been diagnosed with social anxiety but I'm also sure that I also have generalized anxiety, even though I haven't got that one "confirmed" yet. He has been with me and he has been really supportive, something no one never has been with me. I worry a lot about my future, such as future relationships (weirdly as I'm already in one), future job, economy, interests and so on. Now to the main problem here. For a long period I've constantly been worried about what he's doing when he's not with me - cheating, unloyal, things behind my back, lying. Even though he has done neither of them during our time together. It doesn't matter what I do to get my head from stop thinking these thoughts - I can't get rid of them.

Since a few weeks back, every time I wake up, I wake up with heavy anxiety - I feel it in my entire body. I'm terrified of checking my social apps, because if he has sent me anything, or if I just see him, my anxiety is triggered badly. I don't want to talk to him either, but I wan't him to talk to me - I'm always waiting and hoping for him to contact me, but in the end I'm the one contacting him, and he's never really much into talking to me anymore. He has said to me that he doesn't love me as much as before, but that he still loves me more than anything. I don't want to be with him anymore, but I also want us to work together and I wish for things to be like before - and at the same time I feel like my life would be so empty and pointless without him.

Another thing. I can't decide if I'm in love or if I actually love him. I'm physically attracted to him, but when I ask myself about how I feel for him in an emotional level - my mind goes blank. I do not know.

I don't know what to do next. I kind of feel like this relationship won't last much longer, it would absolutely not last in the long-term. One part of me wan't to break up with him because that's the best thing for me to do, but another part, the part that feels love for him, says the opposite. That other part of me wan't to wait it out to see if it gets any better - it still believes. I'm just so tired of the amounts of anxiety I feel every day when I'm thinking of us, or just him. The fact that I have mood swings too, spending most of the day depressed, isn't helping either.

What to do? Is there any way I can get rid of this anxiety? I've tried different methods such as therapy but it doesn't seem to help. Or, Is he worth the anxiety and worry I always have to put up with? Yes, I've told him about it but he always says I shouldn't worry.
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sat Jun 11, 2016 7:18 pm

The relationship is already over, you just don't yet realize it. The relationship will "officially" end one way or another. It is better not to drag it out.

You are not yet mature enough to be in a relationship. You need to first build your self-confidence, get on a healthy path and then begin looking to involve someone in your life.
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#2

Postby moonsling1 » Sat Jun 11, 2016 8:05 pm

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:The relationship is already over, you just don't yet realize it. The relationship will "officially" end one way or another. It is better not to drag it out.

You are not yet mature enough to be in a relationship. You need to first build your self-confidence, get on a healthy path and then begin looking to involve someone in your life.

Thanks for the reply.

You're right. I don't wan't to realise it because I still wish for it to be like before, I kind of have hope still... but deep down I know it never will happen. I've always been the one saying to not live in the past, but now I'm the one doing it, how ironic. I totally agree with you though, thanks again for your reply.
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#3

Postby handheart » Sat Sep 03, 2016 6:07 am

I know that its hard for you but maybe you should accept the fact that the relation its ended and move faster.Some things in life we cannot control it this its the course of life
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#4

Postby Betsy90 » Thu Nov 17, 2016 8:41 pm

Yes but we can change how we act upon them and how we feel about them.
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