I'm weird and feel like an alien

Postby greenlilly67 » Fri Jul 08, 2016 3:09 am

I feel like an alien most of the time. I really feel like i'm part of some genetic alien experiment, like "Lets see how our kind will do among the humans, it'll be great!" Maybe I'm part of some alien reality sitcom. I'm sure i'm giving myself too much credit. Clearly something went wrong somewhere in my life that messed with my perception of the world. Here's some more information. Buckle up this is going to be a long one!! But I'll really appreciate it if you stick with it and give me feedback <3 <3 I'll try to make it entertaining

I'm 22, female, people have always told me I'm pretty and "regal" looking, but not a day goes by that I don't feel like an outsider. I've had only one good friend my whole life, well a few, but only one at a time, then a hand full of people I talked to in school. I guess that's normal considering i live in the middle of nowhere, but even with my best friends, ever since elementary school, I always feel like they don't know me and that they treat me differently from everyone else. I have always felt like people put up a front around me, like there's some tentacle coming out of my arm that only they can see... but I think this is the least of my problems actually, since I feel like i'm finally outgrowing it... or just accepting it?

My biggest problem now is just how painful it is for me to talk to people. I don't understand their interests whether it be celebrities, movies, music, etc. like, yeah they're all great and I can tell you what I like, but in all honesty it makes me feel like a fraud. I couldn't tell you who the star was in the last movie I saw because I really didn't care... it was entertaining, the end. I HATE thinking that way!!!!!! I want to be involved, really, but it's like useless information or conversation starters won't stick to my brain! That's another thing, my memory for my entire life has been like a switch that turns on and off at it's own free will. I can forget what I'm saying as the words are coming out of my mouth. I can think big ideas and complex solutions that make people stop and think, but i can rarely articulate them. Like my brain thinks in feelings and images but rarely words, so when I open my mouth i just babble and can't stop it :oops: and someone interrupts me before i can get my point across. It makes me feel so stupid, so crazy... i cant even hold a conversation with my parents sometimes because i feel like i'm speaking my own language and it's so embarrassing. I'm always the first to take a conversation to a really deep level and dig into people's personal thoughts... like 0-60 real quick. I know it exhausts people to be around me, and i hate it as much as they do, but i just cant talk about petty things.

I've recently come out of a year long nihilistic depression, which I staved off through weed and alcohol for the first 8 months of it (until I had a bad experience). I had it a loooooong time coming. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for three years where my dreams were forever on the horizon while i worked and went to school to take care of a man-child who refused to work (he was too good for a regular job and was waiting to sell his dads house, blah blah blahh) and promised me the world ( I wanted to open a tea shop and bake confections and he wanted to open an antique store). I was in the perfect situation for him to walk in and take over, he could say anything and i would believe him, and he knew that... because I was 18 and he was 40. I ended it with him on my 21st birthday and celebrated for a month straight. Still singing hallelujah!

I've had a few traumas growing up; a friend who molested me in 1st grade, a friend who tortured and bullied me all through middle school, a mother who shoved the bible down my throat, three siblings who teased me to tears and locked me in dark rooms.. list goes on. WHY WONT SOMEONE JUST LOVE MEEEEE i scream into the downpour of my repressed emotions

I don't think about the past. I just don't. I live in the now. I learned my lessons... but i feel like somewhere along the line i forgot how to interact with people. I used to be so vibrant in high school... I was an introvert until you knew me, then i prided myself on being full of jokes, random knowledge, and letting people in on my loving nature. I could draw the human body like da Vinci (comparatively) and everyone always complimented my art. It was always different from what everyone else did.. but now i can't make myself pick up a pencil. I don't want to write stories or listen to music, or get dressed up and do make up... It's like i'm just existing, slowly fading away it seems. I don't know how to be me again.

It's like I've completely lost my ego... like I have nothing to prove to anyone anymore. Everything seems so trivial. I cant tell if i do things because I enjoy them or if I do them to seem normal, to seem like I have an interest in SOMETHING. I just want to hide away and not exist, because it's so hard for me to... my dream is to build a successful career, find a man who loves me, make a home, and have a baby or two *I'm a Cancer, it's hard-wired into me!!* but that wont happen where I am in life currently....The bottom line, I feel like a big. lazy, stupid, boring, f*k-up.
How can I cope until this goes away? Will it go away? Has anyone else felt like this before? Do I possibly have some disassociation disorder? :cry: :cry: :cry:

Sorry this may be just as confusing and scrambled as my brain. I should say that I do have moments of clarity where everything feels okay and i can function on a normal level, but it's so rare..
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Postby cynthialeighton » Fri Jul 08, 2016 11:02 pm

greenlilly67 wrote:My biggest problem now is just how painful it is for me to talk to people.

Sorry you're experiencing these difficult times. I encourage you to stay away from drugs and alcohol, and find small ways to practice talking to people. Suspend judgement of yourself and others, and simply allow yourself to interact.
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Postby JuliusFawcett » Sat Jul 16, 2016 7:06 pm

What's your gut instinct telling you to do?
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Postby michpink » Thu Mar 16, 2017 6:47 pm

This sounds just like me.I've never heard a story so similar, if you see this comment we could talk. I am a 20 year old female. My whole life since I was a young child I've felt like I was an alien, some kind of experiment or robot. I've never been able to relate to people or their interests and emotions. I've only had one real friend at a time, 3 throughout my whole life, and I couldn't understand why when I finally had a friend who I got close with, and could be deep with, they didn't want to spend all their time with me, rather they would get bored and move on to other friends and I would feel lost and confused. I have other friends from school who I knew for years but only knew on the surface so feel like strangers to me. I had lots of bad childhood experiences but I'm not sure what effect they have on this issue. I can't have normal conversations with people, my mind races and my ideas flow out of my mouth faster than people can keep up with. I can't stick to an interest I get bored too easily. The things people usually talk about, celebrities, sports, movies, are extremely boring to me. I feel like I'm just going through the motions of life without being a participant rather an observer. I started smoking and at first it was a fun escape but then I started to have no energy and overthink everything and I realize how not normal I am. I started to change my behavior to fit in and so people wouldn't act like something is wrong with me but it doesn't even feel like me. I pretend to have feelings and interests but in reality I feel empty, numb and like I can't relate to anyone. I feel like I'm the only one of my kind and I want to go home.
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Postby vishnu » Sun Jun 04, 2017 7:32 am

27 years old male from India. i'm having the same thing happening in my life since the beginning, and the time i was able to understand that what is happening around me somehow i became able to manage things before leaving things messed up and feel like a bag of sh**. Whatever you both said is 100% true to me also. i got bullied few times but the real thing is that i found myself guilty every time for letting others bullied me but now i started making things in right place and if things are not going easy i love to change the situation upside down and that works every time! :twisted:

sometimes i feel like a magnet that attracts and welcomes information from all different uncommon source since the beginning (it's all automatic) that makes me feel like an alien robot sometimes. The things with talking less is because i love to talk about uncommon information from uncommon subjects and when people don't get the real meaning they pretend to be NORMAL by making me think that i'm not normal and I AGREE! YES, WE ARE NOT NORMAL! I'M ABNORMAL AND I KNOW IT, nothing to be surprised of.

Once a long long time ago i also felt the same way but now i know that i can't force myself to do something that i don't feel good about because of the pressure of someone of something. i stopped ignoring situations/problem and started facing it in my face and in the same way i started making it cool with the people by providing them enough push to help them to correct the situation without making it worse :D The exact amount of dose that can help them digest their ego and other things :twisted: NOTHING MORE NOTHING LESS!

i've my own story but somehow i can relate with the line "I feel like a big. lazy, stupid, boring, f*k-up" :D Yes, you are all these things, but not always!... it happens only when you compare yourself. if you feel like and alien...you are an alien! and you are a depressed alien if you still have some of those feelings. And believe me if all the symptoms are the definition of alien I'M AN ALIEN! :mrgreen: (I pledge not to be f*kd-up) 8)
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Postby Kdnor10 » Wed Jun 07, 2017 3:49 pm

I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL. I'm 22 years old and I've only just recently over come all the issues I had growing up. I come from a pretty poor family so while watching all my friends enjoy their lives, I was busy trying to figure if I or my 4 brothers were going to eat. Not to mention the abuse...I realize that these feelings stuck with me over the years and made it so I was always inside of my head THINKING about what to do. THINKING about what to say. THINKING about everything to the where I got really bad migraines. Depression will make you overthink into downward spirals and force you to believe that you aren't good enough but YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. We are all cut from the same cloth. The first step you need to take is getting out of your head. It's not your fault that you are this way.
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Postby Kdnor10 » Wed Jun 07, 2017 4:06 pm

Due to your past, your brain has been conditioned to over anylize situations so that it can PROTECT YOU but this sucks during social situations because you aren't completely present during conversations. Has you ever been in this scenario? Someone mentions a movie that you saw not too long ago. This person starts mentioning all these actors who you have no clue about. You saw the movie but you don't remember the names of all the actors so now you're THINKING about how you don't know who or what that person is talking about. So now you've fumbled the conversation because you don't know the actor(s) and you're beating yourself up for it mentally. Now you don't know what to say. YOU RUINED THE CONVERSATION because you didn't know the actors. WRONG. You ruined conversation once you started thinking...Conversation should be natural. By natural I mean without THOUGHT. What if I told you that you are not the voices in your head? That you can actually dissociate yourself with your own mind. What if I told you that your mind is actually against you and that you shouldn't always trust it. Remember the human mind has caused pain to millions of people before us. All the wars and millions of people who have died because of THOUGHTS created by the human mind. YOU are not YOUR MIND. Once you realize this you can better focus on becoming natural and finding that beautiful woman inside of you that has been kept dormant all these years because she was trapped in your mind.
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Postby Adams001 » Sun Aug 20, 2017 11:19 am

Sometimes, I feel just like you. :| Longly and hopeless.
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Postby universe » Fri Sep 29, 2017 8:41 pm

Hello everyone there. Hope You all are doing great. Actually I have always felt just like all of You since my early childhood untill my 30 years old. But than I had certain experiences which explain the reason I used to feel like that. Actually the feeling of alien and an outsider is not a clinical or medical problem neither a form of scizophrenia or any kind of depression. It is very very good sign. Yes it is what You heard a good sign of that your soul is longing for HOME, the soul that wants to return back to the unknown. There is a reason for all this alien feelings and it means that You guys are old souls. Old souls are those who chose to incarnate into physical over many lifetimes in order to learn a life on earth, to learn what is to be bad, to be shallow, to be sexist, to be narrow mind and materialistic. So your souls actually have been in the place of all those people who seem actually just so boring and that talk nothing but materials, celebrities, gossips, judgements etc. It is because their soul is not yet involved and has not passed many incarnatioins so they are learning tru that way. So now for all of my fellow human who feel like an alien just please know that You are great and Godmade, You are unique as everyone else is and that You are a part of the Universe and your soul chose to incarnate and again learn some lessons tru hardships in order to become LOVE. unconditional LOVE is where we all came from. It is that Source that your soul is seeking to go back to its Home and thats the actual reason You guys feel alienated from the rest of the world. But know that You are here to spread peace, love, patience, forgiveness, spirituality and other dimensions, empathy and oneness. As one Universe and One God as there only One source and One HOME and at the last incarnations Your souls always start wanting more and wanting go back home to its place from where it came from. And I am so persuaded that all of You have interests either in metaphysics, spirituality, religion, ancient history, Aliens and UFO's, human race and origin, planets stars and galaxies, Nature etc this is a strong sign of an Old soul. Please search on internet old souls and their mission on earth when they awakened to their life purpose and let Hod bless You all. You are all Amazing. Sending you love and if you have some questions please let me know as I myself had all those feelings but as I mentioned above there is a reason for everything and a reason for every feeling, every one we meet, every circumctances we pass. No coincidense in a life. Blessings.xxz
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Postby GreenAlien » Sun Apr 15, 2018 10:57 pm

I'm 68. Male.
"Why do i sometimes still feel like an alien" that's what i was googleing and that's how iI got here.
As if I hoped to find that magical formula that for once and for all would eradicate that feeling.
I know there is no magical formula. But wouldn't it be miraculous never to feel 'wierd' again? To feel finally completely human?
It's not to bad, though. Like I said I'm 68 and I learned to live with this strangeness. In retrospect my live hasn't been to bad.
IMO it has nothing to do with old souls.
I now know where my alienation came from ... and once in a while even after all these years it jumps on me and when it does it still feels sad and wierd.
The feeling of not belonging is due to feeling not being accepted from very early age. Being rejected (bullied, etc...) in a continuing process.
( Note that I emphasise 'feeling', because many people who are less sensitive or should i say vulnerable will experience these same situations as not even threatening. )
I felt like I never learned to communicate 'properly'. How could I? Being rejected didn't build much of a feeling of self-esteem, of self-worth.
When I did communicate I often felt like a split personality as if I was a bystander looking at myself acting.
When you said : "It's like I've completely lost my ego... " I remember how I had to rebuild my self-acceptance, my ego from a little white bean, a little seed, I had protected from the world and kept buried deep inside me. All the rest of who and what I was I had abandoned, given up. Yes sir, no sir as you please sir... . When this has become the way to survive it is no wonder one feels alien.
The first step I made was accepting myself as human (with a peculiar alien sub-persona) and rebuilding my self-esteem: " I'm OK, You're OK. " There's even a book with this title, read it.
That's it folks and to all Aliens: "You're not alone and rest assured you're just another wonderful human."

Jacques, Belgium
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