Severe anger issues

Postby LittleMissScrewup » Wed Jul 13, 2016 6:59 pm

This is my first post here, and I have no clue if there is a thread for introductory posts, so I will post here, as anger is my biggest problem right now.

I have been feeling very angry lately, and I have no idea why. I have been getting into arguments more frequently than usual, especially with my husband, and it is ruining our relationship. Today, while I was working at the rec center, I became unhappy when all my husband ate today was Oreos (he has Asperger's and a selective eating disorder). The anger actually got worse two days ago, but it became out of control today. I was throwing things, hitting staff, knocking down things, and even taking my anger out on the cats there. I almost got arrested for disorderly conduct because of it.

Like my husband, I have Asperger's, as well as major depressive disorder and PMDD. I also spent the first 10 1/2 years of my life in a broken home with an abusive father. It really didn't help that I am in the process of changing SSRI's, as well.

Sometimes, I feel that I have the mental capacity of a 3-year-old, and get angry just like one. I don't even know why I am even on this planet, as I don't think I serve a purpose here. I only seem to be good at angering and disappointing others. I wish that the part of the brain that expresses anger is non-existent, as well as the gene that caused my Asperger's. I feel that it is getting in the way of my life, and I just want to be normal.

I don't even deserve a husband, friends, cats, or even kids if I ever do have them, because all I will do is lash out at them. I really need help with my anger issues and saving my relationship, because I can't take myself anymore.
LittleMissScrewup
New Member
 
Posts: 7
Joined: Wed Jul 13, 2016 6:31 pm
Likes Received: 0


#1

Postby Leo Volont » Thu Jul 14, 2016 12:09 pm

Dear Little Miss,

Welcome to the Forum!

Wow! You really DID blow up! I would suspect that there will be More Consequences, as the Repercussions percolate through. You said you were working there. I would suspect that you will be fired. but I don't think that will come as a surprise. Or maybe the Supervisory Staff is aware of your Asperger's and would suspect such problem every now and then and so they cut you a Great Deal of Slack. But Slack tightens up eventually and ultimately there must be Some Limits, and you May Have Crossed them. ... the Police were Almost Involved... THAT is Very Bad.

Ordinarily, for most New Posters with Rage Issues, well, I would recommend selecting a bunch of good Anger Management Books, and Reading Them like it is your New Religion. But I am LOST about the Asperger's Thing... I don't know how to Think About It.

Oh, by the way, I have Kitties too... 4 of the them. the 2 oldest ones are Ex-Ferals... The first, my Tomcat was Feral but I think he was partially socialized (or some Ferals are just Naturally Fearless and innately Trust Humans) when he was very young, since when I met him as a Big Kitten, he had No Fear of Humans (dangerous for a Feral Cat, and so I grabbed him up and took him home, for his own safety... and for his beautiful Pale Blue Grey Eyes, Tawny Lion Colored Fur, and a Bushy Fox Tail (I named him Foxxy)... I am sure he was Part Siamese. The other EX-Feral I have may be the Niece of Foxxy. You see, the same time Foxxy appeared, so did two female sisters who were obviously mostly Siamese. all three were probably from the same Litter. And Little Punky the Pusskat is the daughter of one of them. I had a couple of Feral Cat Feeding Stations in operation and so I probably fed Little Punky her first solid food (it is remarkable how Mother Feral cats will one day come out of the Jungle with a whole litter of 8 week old kittens ready for their first solid food... they Bring Them to Me... isn't that sweet!? So Punky is not FULLY and Completely Feral... she Trusts Me... in fact I can assert with conviction that that little goose LOVES me! and For such a little thing she is SO Majestic!

then I have Nora Bora a Black Cat. I came by Nora Bora in a strange way. Nora Bora kept Escaping from her previous owners and would come to me at the Feral Cat Feeding Station. She was a big silly kitten and there was No Way in God's Green Earth that she a Feral, so I would pick her up and take her home, and post a note on a few Poles that I found a kitten... But after the 3rd time Nora Bora escaped and the Owners came to my Door to get her back, well, I told them that, really, it was kind of obvious that the cat did not prefer to live with them. some people have Too Much Discipline for Cats... their Households are too strict and rigorous -- Cats aren't allowed to jump up on tables or furniture or scratch and claw things... and for a Cat, well, what ELSE is there to do? So I negotiated a deal and bartered for Nora Bora. She grew up to be a huge female. Gentile, sweet, innocent, but very Playful, even at 8 years old. Finally there is Rory. a Young Male. At my age I should not have gotten any New Cats...since they are likely to Out Live Me and then who would care for them?.... but back then a few years ago I had lost Big Bear... a Beautiful Big Fat Silver Siamese and it broke me heart. and a nice lady I knew told me I was being ridiculous for thinking ONLY of my age. So I got little Rory. Rory is NOW Bigger than Big Bear Ever Was, and he is just as Good a Companion -- kind hearted, loving and trusting... and wherever I am, he is Always There too.

Anyway, I hope somebody with more Specialized Knowledge can jump in and help you. Oh, and it did not help with all the Abbreviations you were using. I suppose they are Medical Terms, but I am not a doctor.

Anyway, Good luck. If no one else responds to you, well, write me back and I will try to be as much help as possible. and do keep us apprised of how you are doing.
User avatar
Leo Volont
Senior Member
 
Posts: 1049
Joined: Wed Jan 21, 2015 8:26 am
Likes Received: 139

#2

Postby LittleMissScrewup » Thu Jul 14, 2016 3:00 pm

Leo Volont wrote:Dear Little Miss,

Welcome to the Forum!

Wow! You really DID blow up! I would suspect that there will be More Consequences, as the Repercussions percolate through. You said you were working there. I would suspect that you will be fired. but I don't think that will come as a surprise. Or maybe the Supervisory Staff is aware of your Asperger's and would suspect such problem every now and then and so they cut you a Great Deal of Slack. But Slack tightens up eventually and ultimately there must be Some Limits, and you May Have Crossed them. ... the Police were Almost Involved... THAT is Very Bad.


Hi, Leo

On the contrary, I am considering either taking time off work, or even quitting altogether, because quite frankly, I can't be there if my anger is that bad. I feel like I am not ready for a job at all because of it. My husband has a steady job, and I receive Social Security Income. It's probably better if I just stay home and become a stay-at-home wife while I recuperate.
LittleMissScrewup
New Member
 
Posts: 7
Joined: Wed Jul 13, 2016 6:31 pm
Likes Received: 0

#3

Postby Leo Volont » Thu Jul 14, 2016 10:54 pm

LittleMissScrewup wrote:
Hi, Leo

On the contrary, I am considering either taking time off work, or even quitting altogether, because quite frankly, I can't be there if my anger is that bad. I feel like I am not ready for a job at all because of it. My husband has a steady job, and I receive Social Security Income. It's probably better if I just stay home and become a stay-at-home wife while I recuperate.


Oh! Good Morning Little Miss,

Well, that sounds Good! Very Sensible Plan. You see, for many People it is Difficult to Work on their Anger Issues if the Stress in their Lives remains constant and steady, that is, Near Their Blow Up Point. Yes, we must Eventually Face the Music, but People Do Need some respite, some break in order to metaphorically Catch their Breath and Take Stock of their Lives.

Now back to my Idea of getting a few Good Anger Management Books, and reading them Religiously. I had looked at the selections offered by That Big On Line Retailer, and I am unfamiliar with a lot of them -- so many of the Books are new. I suppose a lot of hungry writers are jumping into Anger Management as some kind of a Gold Mine. But the majority of them might not be so good... considering that they are probably written by general-population generic authors picking out Anger Management as their new 'Market' and doing what they must find to be a lot of Drudge Homework on an impossibly short schedule in order to Pay the Rent. So, Read the Reviews... start with the Bad Reviews and work your way up. Its generally the Same People, or the Same SORT of People who write these reviews, so you get a good comparison between books. I myself like the "Anger Management" book by Peter Favaro, and you would like any of the books by Potter-Efron -- Potter-Efron has one book called "Rage" which deals very well with Extreme Anger, and with the Extremely Angry People who would read such a book, and they (I think the Potter-Efrons write as a couple) have one or two more books for 'ordinarily' Angry People'.

there are Pamphlet Size Books out there that cost nothing or next to nothing, and maybe such a book would be handy as a kind of an Overview, but with Anger Management, 'the Devil Is In The Details' -- The Authors need to be able to both present their Ideas, AND thoroughly explain those Ideas, and then Tell Stories about such Ideas... the Books you Read must be Complete and Well Thought Out Books. Anyway, you can't get any Good Anger Management Book for nothing. You Get what you Pay For.

and then it would probably be useful to read a Number of the Better Reviewed Books, to see a Number of Different Methods and Various Opinions and Other Viewpoints. This will Broaden your Knowledge and Perspective on Anger Management. You won't have to limit yourself to just one or two author's Point of Views.

Anyway, thank you for re-engaging so soon. that is very positive. Let us know how you are doing... keep us abreast of your evolving situation.

Oh! I just thought of something... something from History. One of the Greatest Literary Figures in the English Language was Samuel Johnson. He compiled the First Dictionary of the English Language, and was also famous for both fictional and non-fictional books (travel books), essays and Poems. But, in regards to his Personal Life, the modern opinion is that when he was Younger, he was quite 'Mad'... he could not trust his Impulses or his Intuition in regards to Things and How to Behave. But he had a Very Powerful Mind, and so he became the Quintessential Rational Man... well, as an Ideal... he continued all his Life to have 'problems' in society, but they were within tolerable limits, and thought of an merely 'quirks' of character. Now, I STILL do not know much about Asperger's Syndrome, but if you have some kind of Social - Cognitive disorder or impairment, then Samuel Johnson's example of Deliberately Structured Thinking might help you. For instance, a Man of Perfect Social Grace will walk into a Party, take one look around, and INSTANTLY KNOW how to Behave Well and be Charming. But a Man with Social Challenges but with a Good Mind, will walk into the Same Party, and do a Quick Mental Assessment and Evaluation -- who is there and what have I heard about these people? Are they Smiling? Smiling would mean Friendly. Are the people mingling, that is are the people in a state of disorder, divided up into various groupings. How loud are people speaking? If you were Invited, where is the Host? The Host would help introduce you around. If there is no host, then gravitate toward any acquaintance you have known for a while, friend or enemy, as you will likely be invited into their small sub-group just on the strength of the personal acquaintanceship. Notice how long people stay in their Sub-Groups, before they break away and Mingle, finding new Sub-groups to chat with.... etc. If IT DOES NOT COME Naturally, then one must be able to Analyze and Plan every move and every word one makes. I suppose that is why Johnson was such a great Writer, and Talker, as He put So Much Thought into virtually Everything. anyway, that was just a thought...

Again, good luck and keep us informed...
User avatar
Leo Volont
Senior Member
 
Posts: 1049
Joined: Wed Jan 21, 2015 8:26 am
Likes Received: 139

#4

Postby LittleMissScrewup » Tue Jul 19, 2016 1:26 pm

Just a quick update - I made a decision to order the booklet "The Anger in All of Us and How To Deal With It" by Dear Abby (not sure if they still sell it, but it is worth a try). I am also in the process of finding a behavior consultant, and having a meeting regarding my anger and the future of my job. I am also hoping to get back on the Topamax, because it made me less angry (I first weaned off of it because my folks said otherwise).
LittleMissScrewup
New Member
 
Posts: 7
Joined: Wed Jul 13, 2016 6:31 pm
Likes Received: 0

#5

Postby Leo Volont » Wed Jul 20, 2016 2:32 pm

LittleMissScrewup wrote:Just a quick update - I made a decision to order the booklet "The Anger in All of Us and How To Deal With It" by Dear Abby (not sure if they still sell it, but it is worth a try). I am also in the process of finding a behavior consultant, and having a meeting regarding my anger and the future of my job. I am also hoping to get back on the Topamax, because it made me less angry (I first weaned off of it because my folks said otherwise).


Oh, It’s wonderful that you decided to Order a Book. That is what I tell everyone to do, but most people simply ignore my decades of experience with Anger Management. However, in regards to your choice, the Dear Abby’s Book you mentioned, published in 1991, may be out of print. Yes, my personal favorite “anger management” by Peter Favaro, may not be the best First Book for anybody… but I can guess you would like some of the Potter-Efron Books (“Angry All the Time” and “Letting Go of Anger” I can recommend because I read them) who specialize in Anger Management and who have written a number of books on the subject. Read the Reviews and pick what you think are Best.

Oh, I read up on Topamax. Yes, it might help control your Anger. But It may be Deadening your Anger by Tamping Down the Entire Rest of your Life. Please let me tell you a little personal story – I almost Married this One Fine Energetic and Effervescent Woman, but, what she did without consulting me was that she went to some Hungry Quack Psychiatrist who diagnosed her as “Bipolar” and he put her on One of Those Pills that are Everywhere Now – one of the Many Kind of Zombie Pills” that are making so much Money for the Pharmaceutical Industry. All the LIFE went out of her. Yes, she no longer experienced any LOWS, but wouldn’t it Stand To Reason that She would also Lose All of Her High? Well, I did not Stick Around to find out what else she might be feeling. To me she was like the Walking Dead. Is THAT what you want for yourself?

If you really have Migraines (that is what Topamax is nominally for), well, start by limiting your diet to what you think is Healthy and wait a few days. If the Migraines continue then you can either drop one Thing at a Time, or you can Drop Clusters of Stuff and see if dropping Any of That helps, and if it does Help, then you can add back One Thing at a Time until you know what your problem is. But, please, try not to Cure Your Anger by Strangling and Gutting Your Very Soul with those Zombie Pills ... Watch the Movies… do the Zombies seem very Happy to you?

Oh, What exactly is Behavior Consultant? Such THINGs as that are fine coming from the Medical/Mental Health Community, because they are BOUND by a Medical Code of Ethics. But NEVER utilize anything offered by your Company, through its Human Recourses Department or Labor Relations or Whatever, as these people will report everything they learn straight back to the Boss for the express purpose of find Cause to Terminate you … to get you fired. Anyway, make it a practice to Never Speak with Anybody about Anything without first knowing whether they recognize some Ethical Code. Business People typically have No Code…. They would Kill you and bury you behind the Back Parking Lot if they thought they could get away with it…

Anyway, Little Miss, you keep plugging away. I am so glad that you are making the Effort!
User avatar
Leo Volont
Senior Member
 
Posts: 1049
Joined: Wed Jan 21, 2015 8:26 am
Likes Received: 139



Return to Anger Management