when old heartbreak re-surfaces....

Postby ilovewhenitrains » Sun Jul 24, 2016 8:00 pm

good morning/evening to anyone who is kind enough to take the time to read this post.
this is my very first post, and its about when a healing heart is broken again by the very same person who broke it the first time around.

basically i met this beautiful lady around a year ago, and when we first started talking it was the best feeling ever, we seemed to click perfectly and it was no great effort to talk back and forth. we had been talking for a short while when one day she asked me would i like to meet for some coffee? i said of course. we met up and instantly there was a connection, we went for coffee and walked around the city together and it felt like a dream. we kissed as it rained and there was a closeness there i had not felt before.

we met several times after that and each time it got better and better and better until one evening it suddenly changed. we were in her room where she was staying at uni, just lying on the bed together where out of nowhere she started crying her eyes out, rocking back and forth and shaking. i had no idea what was going on, if i had done something i shouldnt have or if something had happened i had no knowledge off. she kept crying and told me that she wanted me to leave, so i did. i said goodbye to her at the door and kiss her whilst tears streamed down her angelic face,

next day we talked on the phone and she tried to explain what had happened. she told me that her father was very very abusive towards her mother and she witnessed it first hand growing up, how her brother had went missing for years and how the family thought he had been killed as he did not get in contact with them and how she was bullied in school all the way up towards her leaving. she said this left her with crippling depression and anxiety and a general distrust for anyone who got close.

long story short she told me she could not be with me because she is not ready to get close to anyone, she didnt want to put me through what she was trying to deal with and how the best thing would be is not too see each other. i was willing to deal with all of this because i generally was in love with her and still am. but we stopped seeing each other and basically stopped talking, i went off with a broken heart and tried to numb the pain i felt with drinking alone and distancing myself from others. i felt so helpless not being able to do anything for the one person i felt so much for

so the other day when i was walking through the park where we use to go when suddenly i saw her from afar, my heart raced so quick and for a moment i actually didnt want to go near her because i was so afraid. i did though, i walked towards her and said her name. she looked at me and it was like she had saw a ghost. she opened up her arms up and we hugged. i wanted to hold her there in my arms until i had no strength left. we talked for a while and we parted ways yet again, i watched her as she walked away and knew that may be the last time i ever see her in the flesh again, my heart was broke in that instant. it all came flooding back to me just when i thought i was finally getting over her

is there anyone out there who has been through this? who has been pushed away from someone who once pulled them in close to them? who has fell head over heels with a person only to have to leave them alone so they can sort whatever problems they have out? ive asked her so many times to meet up and just hang out but she always makes an excuse up? so each time i have to deal with the rejection until its too much to take. i have deleted every trace of her out of my every day life but she still seeps into my mind every few days. i know no matter what i do or say she wont be interested in me again. i realise the fact she is staying away and ended it is because she actually cares about me, the coldness in her eyes would be swept over with warm affection at one stage.

any advice would be so helpful?
sorry for the length
love to all reading
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Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sun Jul 24, 2016 9:00 pm

She did not end it because she cares about you. She ended it, because she cares about her. Telling you, "It's not you, it's me. (insert traumatic story)," is not her doing so out of concern for you. She cried, not because she cared about you. She cried, because she is not or was not happy. She repeatedly rejects you, because you are not the person for her...not because she secretly yearns for you, but wants to keep you at a safe distance. While you think of her every few days, she does not think of you. She has moved on with her life. The only time she thinks of you is when you once again send a message and she once again must reject you.

No worries. What you are experiencing is very common. You are not the first person to create a fantasy in your mind of who a girl is based on very limited information. I have done it, most guys have...most people have. Your heart hurts, because in your mind she is so beautiful and it hurts to be rejected. You had already created a fantasy of the future and this continues. You want to believe that if you could help her move past her pain, then life would be a beautiful romance. If only.

Bottom line, you are your own problem. You have put this girl up on a pedestal. That is your fault, not hers. The best thing you can do is ask out some other girls. Try to go on several dates over the next few weeks.
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Postby gavinfg » Thu Jul 28, 2016 12:46 pm

with the break up of a relationship, the time is harsh.

I used heal myself after 5 years of the breakup with my girl friend. I would say, try to get yourself by something like sport, socializing or whatever. This will prevent you from keep thinking about her. Otherwise, you are stepping in the worm hole...
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Postby JuliusFawcett » Sat Jul 30, 2016 9:00 am

Rumi says that it is important that we keep breaking our hearts until they are fully open.

I wish you more peace, love and harmony in your life
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