I think my girlfriend is depressed and I feel helpless

Postby newyorkisles » Wed Aug 03, 2016 3:45 pm

My girlfriend and I have been talking for 4 months now and everything was going lovely. Her and I have amazing chemistry, the same sense of humor, etc. This past weekend I went upstate to see her (we live four hours apart, met in college) and it was completely different. I saw her the week prior and everything was great but compared to this previous weekend the difference was night and day. Immediately I knew something was wrong, I just sensed it. In previous conversations she told me she suffered from depression at least two times in her life so I expected it could happen again when I am with her. I didn't necessarily ask if she was depressed but the body language and the way she acted towards me is making me believe she is. I feel helpless, I am always the person that she can go to be happy, but this time I don't think I made her happy one bit. She was much more quiet, distant, and didn't want to be touched. She wouldn't hold my hand, we only kissed a few times, and would shrug me off sometimes. Before we would kiss all the time, hold hands, cuddle, laugh at one another's silly jokes. She still called me the nicknames, she still said "I love you", and I do believe it. I think we go really well together, and I am nervous. I confronted her about it on Sunday night and she said she feels restless being at home, and she wants to travel and doesn't want to settle. I told her that I am not here to slow her down, but I am here to help her and support her in whatever she does in life. She worked at a sleep away camp for the whole month of July and she says she misses it more than anything, she just ended the day before I came to visit. She would never cheat on me and I know that as a fact. She hasn't been really saying anything over text, it gets me so sad seeing her be like this. I want to be with her, but I feel helpless and scared. We are going camping in a couple of weeks, and she tells me she is excited. But when she says it she doesn't sound like she is, I don't know if she is being distant because she wants to break up with me or because she is just really sad. She texted me after I left to go home back night saying that she loved the concert and all the mini adventures we went on and she doesn't want me to feel like she didn't. She added that she is just in a really tough place mentally at the moment and apologized. I responded and basically said, "don't apologize on what you are going through, I am always here to support you and it kills me to see you like this. I love you, and if you need time to yourself to figure somethings out I would completely understand. I don't know what to do, I feel helpless and confused. What do you guys think?
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Postby undia » Fri Aug 05, 2016 4:16 pm

Let her know that you are there for her. You might want to suggest therapy if this a recurring problem, maybe try and talk to her about her issues and ask her if she wants to still be with you. I think communication is key, don't let her isolate herself, it may be hard and she may not be responsive but try to get her to do things with you. But you need to remember yourself. I know from experience that being with people going through depression can be tiring and hard work and it can have a negative effect on you, can make it feel as though it is all your fault. But some people are so wrapped up in themselves they don't realise how it affects others, this isn't on purpose however its just how people are. Make sure you know what you want and then revaluate your relationship. I cannot stress enough how important it is to talk. Just be open with your feeling, because if you feel unsure it wont help her. Be strong for her and for yourself. Also sometimes there is nothing you can do but trust she will get through it. Hope this helped and good luck :)
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Postby art48 » Fri Apr 26, 2019 3:16 am

I think you must be there, doesn´t matter what she says or do... you just gotta think she´s suffering a mental illness, and don´t give up bwecause maube it´ll last for months and even yerars. Try to talk to her but just when she wants or needs it if you are calling her in the phone or just sending her whatsapps etc. she may feel bad... and push you far away. Please try to be strong you gotta be patient, she´s not herself by now, she´s a different person not just the one you fell in love with. I hope it´ll work . Good luck
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Postby James_Lee » Fri May 03, 2019 11:19 pm

You never know what someone might be going through. Try to listen but do not pressure her
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