my symptoms don't fit in the basic "bulimia" diagnosis

Postby busybee93 » Sat Aug 13, 2016 10:02 pm

. . . but i know that's what i'm dealing with. i've been eating mounds of food and upchucking it since i was ten. that's bulimia. i get that. i understand that, but honestly, besides fatigue and inability to sleep and weightloss and such, that's about it for this disorder in terms of me.
i'm on the cusp of admitting that i may have GAD as well as some sort of depression. everything scares me and i find myself literally lay in bed crying for weeks at a time, feeling absolutely miserable, but this somehow doesn't get in the way of my daily life. i know that it should--and don't get me wrong, when i have to go to work or school during those weeks-long tear-indulgent binges, it is so hard--so, so, so hard--to find the motivation. well, first of all, it's hard to stop the tears lmfao, but second of all, it's just plain hard to function. so that's mildly distressful. i'm still waiting for it to really get in the way of my life the way it has for other people because i could see how i could let that happen, but i try really hard to not give into it most of the time. i would probably be worse off if i had some sort of drug addiction, though, right?
anyway, the weird symptoms that i'm talking about are my oversensitivity to other people's problems? i could cry over anything. sometimes it feels like every nerve in my body is exposed and rubbed raw, and then eventually i'm numb, but never for long. i feel so much guilt from an unknown source (i'm not religious, my parents aren't strict, so it must come from me?). what else? oh, i don't have a very good memory of my childhood, and i can't remember feeling half as much as i do now. basically, i don't remember being a person past like this last year or so of my life. could that be disassociation? but from what and for what? i also obsess over my best friend and her well being and what she does and where she's at? it sounds crazy, but i read once that that could have something to do with some OC related disorder? when i was younger (and i can find myself doing this every couple of months) i felt the need to shower three times a day? i was not in sports nor physically active. i think i was afraid to smell bad?
also, i find myself resenting the people that probably need my love and support the most? i've never had clear feelings for anyone of any gender my whole life in terms of like romantic feelings? i hate when people touch me, specifically my mother, my sister, and sometimes my younger brothers and one of my close friends. i feel like i'm physically going to disgust people if they make contact with my body?
would anyone suggest therapy for me lol or am i managing fine by myself? i'm inclined to believe the latter, but i would appreciate honest opinions. plus, i'm riding the poverty line and, as my username suggests, i'm really busy. i have to be, because i'm scared of being bored.
so basically, thoughts? on all of this? anyone dealing with similar things? what are your experiences? any shots in the dark for a diagnosis or two for me? nothing really worries me in terms of my mental health. what worries me the most is not seeing all of my symptoms clear cut on one list.
oh, i'm a female who identifies as a female. if that matters. and 19. if that also matters.
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Postby tigerlillycat » Wed Oct 19, 2016 8:39 pm

Hey :) I'm not exactly qualified to give you advice, but I would recommend finding someone to talk to because even the fact that you are posting on here suggests that you are having problems. I wish the very best for you, and have a great day :)
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Postby Alex4 » Fri Mar 24, 2017 7:34 pm

Part of bulimia comes from the need to have some sort of control over your life. It is a complicated problem. Many people use food as a comfort measure, then get upset that they are gaining weight. Bulimics take it one step further. They can eat, but then retain control by regurgitating what they just ate.

You really aren't much better off than if you were addicted to drugs. You are addicted to food, and that is tough. A drug addict can, with help and will power get rid of the drugs. A bulimic can't get rid of eating. Its sort of like an alcoholic trying to get rid of their alcoholism but sill having to drink alcohol. Like any addiction, there is denial as well. i'll start tomorrow. The problem is, tomorrow becomes today.

Part of your emotional upset may be coming from messed up electrolytes. Every time you regurgitate your food, you also bring up sodium, potassium etc. and wind up with your electrolytes out of wack. That in turn can play havoc with your response to situations, your endurance and ability to incorporate new information etc. Basically, you are a walking time bomb. You have convinced yourself that you are managing when in truth you are probably on the verge of losing it cardiac arrest, esophageal varocies, fainting to name a few. Not everyone gets into that kind of trouble, but a lot depends on you physical make up.

I know it can be embarrassing, but the sooner you get control over the bulimia, the sooner you will get control, real control, over the rest of your life. Ask for help and find out what is really causing you to turn to bulimia. Its just a symptom, a dangerous one albeit, but a symptom. When you find the root of the problem, then you will be able to stop.

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